I'm not in the best of moods right now...so I'm here to vent lest I offend someone in this damn house.

Like WTF...you think no one here has a bloody life is it? Like you just want people to switch their plans just because of you...then FUCK YOU!! Who the hell do you think you are man?!?! You record your business appointments like nobody's business and you don't even give a fuck about anything else. Always bloody complaining that we don't tell you early enough, we don't even remind you...well how 'bout I give you a suggestion....write it down in that HUGE damn book you seem to call a planner only when it comes to making business appointments.

Yes people are guests...but normal humans would you know, at least tell people that their coming down in advance...so WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!!! As of now... I really feel like just doing my own things, like you don't even care about anyone else but your damn self. Like why the hell should I give a damn about you when you don't even give a shit about me...

Oh...and could you just make up your bloody mind...one minute you wanna come, the next you don't...like wth...just say you don't wanna come already...spare me the suspense will you. You don't seem to get the situation do you? After SO bloody long...you just don't get what she's like...asking me to do this and that, as if I didn't think of that. If she bloody says no...then I can't really do anything. I wanna see you, you wanna see me (I assume so....) at least help me out a little here...if not...then just bloody hell get lost

Today was a good day out...rather productive if you ask me...haha...

Baby came over in the afternoon and we did some re-scaping of the tank =) and put up our black oyama paper (It's some sticky paper that you put on the back of the tank to make it look nicer on the inside...) now the neon tetras look really good against the black background.

After hanging around, ate lunch and then decided to head to queensway to buy me some shoes, cos the sole of my current shoe is about to come off anytime soon =) I saw this really nice pair of low dunks at AMK last night and thought I might be able to find the same design. We went to so many shops and they all only had the such small sizes cos it was nike junior...haha....so we went traipsing from store to store looking at other shoes and I kept seeing THAT shoe but they only had in the size 3, 5.5...just not mine...then came this store and I happened to see it on display in a larger size...so I asked if they had my size...and they started to calling the warehouse and stuff...and omg...the man appeared with the box =) haha...I was damn happy...

On a random note...I would kill to dance like the girl on the right...

If wars break down, I will come for you
If angels cry oh I’ll be there for you
You saved my soul
Don’t leave me now
Don’t leave me now

-Rule the world by Take That (from stardust)

OMG...my exams are over...

actually they were over on Thursday...but I kind of didn't have time to come blog about it. Anyway, yesterday morning went to the Airport to send Chuang Yang and Michelle off to NY...was quite sad...I'll miss her so much when she's gone.

After that baby and I went for a buffet lunch at Orchard Hotel Galleria...the food was pretty good...I esp loved the clam chowder and the cheese with crackers. The cheese was like extremely heavenly and stuff. Didn't really have space for ice-cream though. We left and decided to head home to do come stuff for our fish tank...I really think the tank is looking pretty good...haha...what with all the plants and stuff all around. We have like 44 fish in the tank currently; 8 super hyper zebra danios, 10 cherry barbs, 18 neon tetras, 4 SAEs (Siamese Algae Eaters), 2 bronze corydoras (corydoras aeneus) and 2 peppered corydoras. The last Panda corydoras died the night before. I actually had 4 of them...but 3 of them like disappeared...I have no idea where they went...they didn't jump out and I highly doubt any of them gotten eaten by any of the other fish.

I feel like a gold fish tank now...

Just a little smthg other than stuff that I did during the day, I tool some colourgenetics quiz on gerri's blog, similar to the one I took last time...I think 1 or 2 yrs ago...it's somewhere in the archives....you can go try it out if i you wish, it's pretty accurate =)

Much of the time you are preoccupied with things of an intensely exciting nature. You need stimulation and variation with all matters pertaining to your life. You want to be regarded as an exciting and interesting personality being able to charm and influence others. You use powerful strategies with predictable outcomes so as to avoid endangering your chances of success or undermining other people's confidence in you.

You are lazy - you dream of a peaceful, calm, uncluttered and uncomplicated life. Your ideal would be to share a permanent base with some person or persons who would be able to demonstrate on-going love, peace and security.

At times one is burdened with more than one's fair share of problems and this would appear to be your situation at present. But you are adamant - you know what you wish to achieve - and by giving a little and taking a little you may well find that the realization of your dreams could become a reality.

You are being unduly influenced by the situation that is all around you. You do not like the feeling of loneliness and whatever it is that seems to separate you from others. You know that life can be wonderful and you are anxious to experience life in all its aspects, to live it to the full. You therefore resent any restriction or limitations that are being imposed on you and you insist on going it alone.

You don't like authority and you rebel against all forms of limitation. You are your own person and you intend to stay that way and to get on in the world simply by your hard work and determination.

I just wonder, what happened to that little boy in me....he seems a little far away....

I have been feeling so unsettled...not the worried unsettled...but the can't sit down and study unsettled.

I am majorly frustrated, pissed off and irritated at this....I am desperately trying to sit and study but I just CANNOT!!! Like WTH!!!

I just cannot seem to sit down and study, if i'm not sleepy i'm just NOT HERE!! I don't know why....I DON'T KNOW WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just want to study....why in the world is it so damn fucking hard to do just it!!!

Woke up this morning and took meimei to TTSH to buy her malaria tablets and if she hadn't mentioned it...I wouldn't even have known that there was a donut factory there....yum...there've been so many donut shops popping up all over Singapore, they all just seem the same...SERIOUSLY!! If any of you thought what I just mentioned was a serious crime, I really thought that (dunno about now though...) so we decided to buy one each, but we found out they sell their donuts by the box, so we bought 3. The last one for mummy.

I had a raspberry chocolate, meimei had strawberry white chocolate and I brought home apple cinnamon for mummy.

Apparently donut factory is the one at raffles city too, where apparently there are always long queues in the day.

Went to school to do the SPS presentation and then now I'm home. =)

I dunno why but I was prompted to find this phrase in the bible about how God knows all the hairs on our head...so I just decided to note it down here:

Luke 12:4-7
⁴"I tell you, my friends, do not be afraid of those who kill the body and after that can do no more. ⁵But I will show you whom you should fear: Fear him who, after the killing of the body, has power to throw you into hell. Yes, I tell you, fear him. ⁶Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies^[a]? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. ⁷Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

which coincidentally also appears in Matthew 10:26-31

Along the way I came across this also in Luke 12 rather appropriate passage for an exam period after I decided to read through the whole chapter:

Luke 12:22-34
Do Not Worry

²²Then Jesus said to his disciples: "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. ²³Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. ²⁴Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! ²⁵Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life^[b]? ²⁶Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?

²⁷"Consider how the lilies grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ²⁸If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! ²⁹And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. ³⁰For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. ³¹But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.

³²"Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom. ³³Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will not be exhausted, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. ³⁴For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

"With Christ in the weather, we can smile at the storm"

Are you smiling at the storm?

received this in an email not long ago...I read it, but never thought much about it....until this morning...kind of hit me when I saw it again while checking my mail...maybe it's be some help for the peeps out there taking exams esp the 'A's and 'O's...not forgetting the others who are gonna be having exams soon.

Been a super lousy mood to study these few days....there's just no 'exam mood' kind of thing where you're a bit anxious to revise all there is, which is rather worry. If you don't have the mood, it's pretty hard to get down to sitting at the table to revise through all the stuff for the last 6 months. Not forgetting exam's in like 17 days..

I was further distracted yesterday by the fact that I currently still have a panda corydora missing from my tank. O.O I bought 4 and yesterday evening I only saw 3 and today I still only see 3. I searched the whole tank, lifted the logs....EVERYTHING!!! It's like it just disappeared...I told baby maybe it got beamed away by some aliens who were looking for humans o.O...I looked around on the floor to see if it had jumped out, but it wasn't there either. I seriously wonder where it went...I've never lost fish before...and I'm quite sure I bought 4...I still have a picture of them too....aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!

Everyday
of our lives,
wanna find you there, wanna hold on tight.
Gonna run
while we’re young
and keep the faith

I've supposedly got a super long weekend, which starts today and ends on Sunday....coincidentally there weren't any lessons today cos my LSM lab is done , I've no more IT lectures and IT tutorial's been shifted to next week....which are all my lessons for today.

So today has been mugger day....I like tried to do the CM1501 papers, followed up on the last 2 lectures on carbonyls and after which I proceeded to do the impossible task of mapping out all the reactions. Meaning something like....carbonyls get alcohols with grignard something like that (you obviously have no idea what I'm talking about at this point in time)...I tried it 3 times...The second one was a bit better, then on the third one I realised even if I reorientate the major functional groups eg. ethers, alkenes....it's still gonna be freaking messy...arrows corssing here and there with barely any space to right....with the centre so densely written on already....

like the infrastructure of organic chem country so sucks....in fact it may even be really good cos there are SO many many bloody ways to get from one "town" to the other...it's just damn near impossible for me to write it at this moment...I almost wanted to kill myself...

went out to run to take my mind off all the nonsense, but after a while...I just wasn't in the mood....so went to take a walk in gourmet.

perhaps I shall move on to something much more enjoyable tonight like bio....

i dunno if i can make it...
i just don't feel it anymore...is there something wrong???
why do I always feel lousy??
I just don't have enough time...I'm trying....

I'm so taking a break now...
the day was unbelievably busy. I shall start work tomorrow!!!

I dragged myself out of bed at 7....okay 7.15 by right....then headed to school to do my SPS experiment at Edison's hall. It was quite funny I got to PGP just before 9 and went up to his room...then sat around for a few and after failing to contact Rebbecca, we decided to start first. Edison continued to try to contact her like twice and then decided to leave it alone first. Before we knew it, it was 10....then we had a feeling she'd seriously overslept and according to Edison she can sleep in till like 12+. So we just continued at at about 12+ a call came and it started with (in a very sleep, draggy soft voice) "Hello, I'm so so so so so so sorry..." haha...by then, we'd finished already....so she didn't have to come...

I went off to Clementi mrt to meet baby and we had lunch at the big hawker centre there. After lunch, we headed of to look for a mate for our lonely Crowntail betta...haha...went for dance after that.

Dance today was quite bad...suddenly felt so tired during the corner-to-corner stuff...and during choreo, my brain like totally switched off, it absolutely refused to absorb anything. No matter how hard I tried to remember, I just continued to blank out intermittently....it was damn annoying.

After dance, headed to SoC to do the STUPID IT1001 project....I swear this project is damn irritating....if I knew this was as a serious project module I would have dropped it. It's like sapping me of time. Was at the PC lab like from 6.40 to 10.30....0.0...mummy came to pick me and brought me home. I've just finished my dinner and now...and I am so sleepy...

I so want my baby....

I am quite happy today I must say...

haha...although I still think lack sleep here and there...
woke up at about 8, had breakfast and then proceeded to do a little reorganising.
My aunt helped iron all 3 weeks worth my mum's working clothes yesterday and so the suits are not in order....meaning they're not matched to how my mum wears them, so I took them all out and rearranged them properly. My mum's cupboard is now full of clothes once more after having not being re-filled after 2-3 weeks; due to me being too busy studying for tests and meeting all the crappy deadlines. PLUS the ironing room is now EMPTY!!!!!!!!!

Headed to school at 9 and went to SoC PC lab 2 to complete the mini-assignment after which I had lunch and went for my Gen Bio lecture. Prof Tan is seriously funny...the funny being the lame funny....meaning a laughable lameness, not your regular roll-your-eyes kind of lameness. He even brought a venus fly trap to the LT and put a mealworm in it. The whole LT was like squeling at how gross everything was. Poor mealworm being expended for demonstration purposes.

Then was chem lab. TLC s(Thin-layer Chromatography) seemed pretty chiem but it turned out to be pretty easy. Haha...It was just the taking of benzaldehyde from the burette that was stressful...I was like counting...5.5ml...so 2.5ml more should have the final level at 8ml...but I counted the grid-lines and I got 8.5ml...so checked with the TA and it was supposed to be 8ml. Other than that everything was pretty fast. My reaction was completed in the first 30mins so I didn't have to continue for another 15 mins and my chromatography was nicely done. Except that my crystals fell into the flask for the stupid suction filtration cos the filter paper didn't fit the funnel properly so had to pour the filtrate through again. Other than that....it was pretty hassle free.

bussed home....was thinking of going out running cos I feel like I've gotten fatter having not run for the last week....however the weather doesn't permit to do so.

At least tomorrow has perks....we're gonna see zebra danios (it's a kind of fish in case you don't know)!!! We'll even see the fluorescent ones which are not sold here too!!!!

I'm hungry....
I'm like pretty free now...I think I have things to do that I don't really wanna do...

I feel like listening to my organic chem webcast....but I realised that I left my notes at home cos I thought I wouldn't have time to do it.

so now I'm in the SPS room just sitting here, blogging...I should be editting my RFID part...but I think it can wait...

I'm hungry too....

It appears error analysis was just spouting absolute nonsense to me....
AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

ERROR ANALYSIS SPEAKS!!!

time to go for dance...

I'm home today...no class...
was supposed to have a project meeting today....but it got canceled.

The weather is super hot today...the fan is like blowing hot air at me...and I can't imagine what my poor fish must feel.

Attempting to do mass completion of assignments, I have too many assignments due in the first half of next week, not forgetting the 3 projects due. One due next Tues, another due end of the month and another due the end of next early next month.

I have a feeling I'm going mad....

ERROR ANALYSIS PLEASE TALK TO ME!!!
AAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

well...today didn't go so well...
still a little frustrated...aaah...

well..there was bio lecture first, that was alright, but I'm beginning to come to content that I think I really need to study for and like...the content is just 0.o mind boggling. okay...then there was lab...

I sorta had and inkling that I might screw up...what with so many compounds and the need to find a suitable solvent for each. eeee....the extractions of one of the compunds went alright...but the other one seriously screwed up....which led to me not finishing the experiment. hence, I have to go back tomorrow.

argh!!!!!

Today's been a very good day =)

woke up, went to church and headed over to baby's after that...

spent the time there studying a bit and then left at 3 to go to fish city. weeeeeeee....


The guppies there are absolutely exotic...they had such brilliant colours on them. They were like going at $10-$20 a piece...omg. Some of the tanks they had were so so filled with little baby fry...haha...went to take a look at some arowana there too...those amazing looking kings.

Then headed to rainbow to see this humongous planted tank that baby recently saw...it was so amazing. It was like a city...with fish and tonnes of plants. Even the logs placed inside looked like trees...the landscaping was so beautiful.

we then bused to PS to take a look at the new aquarium shop set up there...nothing much...town pricing. Bused down to city hall and had dinner at soup spoon. After that, we walked around a bit...and there was this shop selling novelty kitchen appliances and utensils. It was so fascinating...the ways people re-invent your cups...spoons...plates and stuff. It was so...new...hahaI was like running from one place to another looking at the stuff. Baby calls it making money out of something which is JUST A SPOON...or fork.

After that, we met somebody at the mrt station to get our zebra danio and plants. The zebras are sooo cute, so hyper...weee...then bussed further down to TP to get MORE plants and then came home to put everything in the tank.

In case, some of you didn't know...my tank had a major wipe out. I lost all my fish after intorducing some feeder guppies inside...leaving me with my 2 cute corydoras. I was so heartbroken...watching them just die like that. But I think this time...it'll be good =)

Today was good...thanks to all the people who sent me birthday messages; erika, ethel, nat, yimin and trevin. Birthday wishes from my family, deborah and cass. Most of all baby, hope we spend more birthdays together =)

mid-term break is officially over...time to start studying again...

It's finally Thursday!!!!
I shall be heading off for booth duty to sell tickets at central library later.

Life has been absolutely hectic...rushing to do things...most of my things have been pushed to the later stretch of their deadlines cos I just have too much stuff to do and stuff to clear up for my lectures. Friday is like a breather yet not really one. I don't have to go to school, so it makes it a somewhat less hectic day, but it becomes a day where I catch on stuff that I've not caught up on during the week.

Luckily term break is coming after next week, so we'll see how that break becomes at the end of next week. I also have a stats test to do before mid-term break. I really hope my cap is alright after this year...it seems the cap in mind is a little unrealistic, but yet I don't really even know what to expect for it.

school has been way busy...
I think it's starting to wear me out.
Possibly because I finish at 9pm from Monday to Thursday...although I do have a day off on Friday. But I still don't feel recharged and stuff, like there's an underlying tiredness...some of my friends say I look tired too...haha...

I suppose I'm here again just to sort out my thoughts...more for a personal service...cos I just can't keep it going on in my head. So, if you're here like you usually or somewhat come here to read about what's been happening, perhaps you might wish to proceed with caution. Given that what's going to be written here is more of a personal thing, to sort my issues out, it might seem like a somewhat attention-seeking, looking-for-pity kind of post.

I hate what's happening now, I have NEVER been so indecisive in my life. If I were watching myself I woul have told myself to MAKE A DECISION ALREADY!!! LIKE NOW!!! But somehow there have been too many contributing factors leading to my current very indecisive stage. This may seem familiar but yes, it's yet again between archery and dance.

Like how the hell did I, yes ME, get so damn lucky. I wanted SPS, I got it...so I already finish at 9pm for 2 days out of the 4 days I'm in school. I was hesitant about whether I should try out for the archery committee position but I decided to, I mean at the most I wouldn't get it right? Then I just got it cos somehow I suppose I must have sold myself well as some super duper responsible person...oh so ready for the job. So that's another 2 days out of my 4 day week that I end at 9pm, not forgetting about the saturday morning training. Then, one day it hit me...that archery was the wrong place so I decided to audition for dance ensemble. Supposedly, the hardest dance group to get in on campus, so I heard. I auditioned, I thought I wouldn't get in cos I somewhat screwed it up, and the people there seemed so good. Apparently, I passed auditions so now I'm in this ab-so-lute-ly fucked up position now having to choose between dance and archery.

Given my timetable I should give some allowance and let myself finish earlier than 9pm...4 straight days of ending at 9 pm seem like a death sentence not forgetting the Saturday morning training....but is it better than freeing up the 2 days archery has taken up to end earlier and choose dance which right now, only takes up Saturday afternoon??

you're probably lost now if you decided to read on up till here...unless you get what I'm typing...

my worrying is going to cause me a short life span...

Why am I so bloody indecisive?!?!? Why do I have to have a conscience???? I'm deliberating all because of the archery com position, plus the people there are really nice. Partly also because I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to bond well with dance people, as after 4 years in dance...people there tend to be too cliquish for my liking.

I dunno man...
I DUNNO!!!

Why did I have to do something SO STUPID!!!

I supposed I just need someone to really talk to...I know the decision lies with me in the end, but it's times like this I need someone whom I can talk to to lead me to that decision. It's pretty demanding...but I really feel that's what I need...cos I can't make my way to a decision now.

well...orientation is over and school starts tomorrow...
not forgetting that I have a 8am lecture...

anyway...the past few days has just been about orientation...far too long if you ask me...they should juts make it 1 week or something...we were like having orientation stuff and bidding for our modules. Some of us stayed up till like 2, 3 am to look for modules to bid and to keep watch on the bidding rounds. it was just pure madness the first few days. people were like bidding hundreds of points, which was seriously mad.

the next few days was just fun and games stuff...we went to sentosa for some of our station games...we even got to watch rush hour 3 after our sentosa games...it was supposed to be part of the SP(secret pal) programme thing. It was a pretty alright camp...just a little too long for my liking. We even won first prize for the talent night and arena won best house too....which was seriously surprising....cos looking at our group attendance which hardly goes over 10 out the 15 people who were supposed to be there...it was really surprising...haha.

Camp would have been better...if the people in my group were better..but I suppose there will always be people like that...it really pissed me off.

anyway...time to get ready for school..

It's pretty early right now...I should feed my fish soon..haha, and it looks like it's going to rain, again.
I can't believe school's starting next week...it just feels a little weird, like after slacking around...I now have to go to school. not just any school, but a varsity. A little nervous, anxious, scared i'll screw it up and it'll all just go down the drain...yeah.

Some bleak thoughts for an early morning.

Anyway, my driving is more or less completed, just need to do the test. Sadly, it's like in January...gives me time to perfect my driving, but why next year???I just need to plan everything properly so it doesn't clash with the test...

today passed quite fast...
I like vacuumed the ENTIRE house today...dunno what got into me today...I just thought today'll be housework day. I even ironed all of my clothes plus my mum's. So right now...because of the vacuuming I have an aching lower back.

I basically spent the whole day looking at dance clips on youtube...went to look for those from CJ. I saw some familiar ones...and looked at those I performed in as well...plus the most recent SYF. The most recent SYF was so nice...I especially love the music. Dunno where I can get a proper video...and know what the name of the song used is.

I suppose I still have somewhat of a strong attachment to dance. I'm still in the dilemma of archery vs dance...thing is...I know that if i joined archery, I would always wish I had joined dance. Maybe it isn't really about how good I am?

Anyway, I'm supposed to go out for a run...but with my back...maybe not...plus my hair's still wet from bathing...it'll have to be done tomorrow I guess.



SYF 2007...CJC took Gold...the song is beautiful, not forgetting the choreography...ryan is an absolute genius. The quality isn't really good (uou have been warned) but it's the only one I could find. Hope I can find someone who has it on like dvd or smthg.



arts week 2006...this was the last dance I did in JC if I'm not wrong...

weee...I'm actually really sleepy...
hitched a ride with mummy to Jurong East MRT...dropped my cheque off to deposit and then headed for my driving lesson

it went pretty well....did parallel and perpendicular parking too...I think I'm rather okay, it's just the changing down of gear, u-turns, and basically that little tiny bit of road I always turn out from when I first start every lesson that I'm not so good. After lesson I am now at baby's house!!!

haha...havethe final theory test later today, but at 4.30pm...so just I'm just passing the time here and later I'll head off to take the test....hopefully all goes well and I pass.

wellI should study now...so ciao!

I just realised I haven't blogged for like almost 2 weeks...haha...
it sorta just slipped my mind, or it is possible that i may have just gotten a little lazy to blog...

anyway, this week's been pretty hectic...I have like something on almost everyday....probably due to the fact that I'm having driving 3 times a week...so right now I'll just recap the whole week...can't remember what happened last week...so it's just gonna be this week. Today, I'll be going onto the circuit so...I hope all goes well. Cos I always seem to mess up out of the blue...and when I do...I really mess up.

Well...Monday I had a driving lesson in the morning after which trained down to PS to meet Jolene, Valerie and Shuyan, we had lunch at some sushi bar...I forgot what the name of the place is...but it was my first time actually eating at a place which had those conveyor belt thingies...you know the ones where you pick the food off? yeah...so, we four caught up with each other; Jolene's now in NTU after UNSWasia collapsed, she'll be studying some form of engineering (can't remember which) ...Shuyan's going to NUS...Industrial engineering I think...and Val and I are in NUS prob studying Life Science...haha. Val kept saying how bleak both our futures seem after hearing some people comment about having no job or smthg like that after graduation. After lunch, where I spent waaaay too much, haha...we met up with Cherie at the Cathay to catch the Harry Potter movie. It was pretty good probably because it actually contained much more than the last one, Goblet of Fire. Then again, I don't really remember much from the book...so I didn't really know what was going on most of the time, but some were familiar...like Dolores Umbridge. I swear, how could someone like her have so many clothes in so many shades of pink, even her office was pink. She even had this forced smile on her face which was perpetually always there. After that, rushed all the way home for Guin's Student Council Ceremony... somehow we were told that it was formal, but the invite said smart casual, so needless to say we were very overdressed. Met some teachers there and had dinner there before heading home.

Tuesday...was spent with the Guides....they had some new funky way to fall in...it's supposedly the proper way to do it. anyway, they were absolutely clueless as to the proper technique of tying. I mean how can you tie anything just holding tension?!?!?!? UNACCEPTABLE!! There were people pulling away from themselves when they should be pulling towards themselves 0_0 Some had to re-tie their square lashes 3 times and they still couldn't get it tight. When you watch them tie it...you know it's gonna be loose, cos there just doesn't seem to be any pulling involved. So now they know they have to pull and hold tension. The quads opened beautifully...it was done well...didn't remember checking the knots though, but it was stable. Then came diagonal lash...okay...there was a tiny mix-up as to how the PLs saw me do it...so they taught it wrongly...but it was rectified fast. Some got it, others are still clueless...but I hope it all goes well and the practice it. After that, bussed home and then mummy took guin and I to get the new Airwave...woohoo...you can like watch DVDs, VCDs, and watch TV in the car (I haven't figure this out) and it has a GPS system. Way cool...it just doesn't have a clock in the car. We left the dealer, put more petrol in the car and home we went.

Wednesday...woke up early and hitched a ride with mummy to get to Jurong East MRT to go for driving...my parallel and perpendicular parking are not bad...it's just I can only do it with poles...hehe. My driving is not bad...I just dislike U-turns...and when I mess up, I really mess up a lot. Like do I use half-clutch or the accelerator...personally, I'd probably prefer to drive a manual car...cos I like the half-clutch thing, it's kind of scary to use the accelerator for everything...like in the auto cars. But then again, manual really becomes a chore in traffic jams and there's also the possibility of the engine stalling. After that, I came home...bummed around for a while, took a nap and then went out for my run. I haven't been running for a while because these few days I've been over sleeping when I take naps...so when I wake up it's too late to go out for a run. It kind of sucks...cos I only managed to run 25mins and I didn't even make it back home. I walked back. Took a bath and then headed out again with the parents and guin to see my cousins and aunts from the UK. It was good to see them and chat and stuff...I miss the English accent...haha. We had dinner there and then uncle Wayne and uncle Michael headed out to watch Transformers...Natalie and Sarah had grown so much since we saw them...which was so long ago and so did Anabelle, I last saw her at uncle Wayne's wedding. Sarah brought her Violin along, she played 2 pieces with auntie Jo as accompaniment...it was really nice...haha...it sorta made me miss playing the piano. We adjourned to the other house (they have 2 side by side) and continued talking there...after a while more we headed home.

Yesterday...was the QET...well the first part was easily done...the essay part, my brain was in absolute mess. I had so much stuff running in my head, I didn't know what it was. I couldn't settle my brain down...so I just forced myself to write. After that, met up with my sis and Joseph, chatted for a while while they did some stuff for archery. Then cabbed home with Joseph and just lazed around and here's where the interesting parts of the day end.

today was good...
the weather was so good...it was raining when I got up...
Changed, and went out to see baby...
we were supposed to take tumble out for a walk...but it was drizzling, so baby and I ate some breakfast and sat around reading the newspaper, while baby used the comp.

after a while the drizzle stopped and we took tumble down...as usual it was a good walk...she was so cute just walking around. We even managed to make her walk across a balance beam, when she was so afraid at first...then when she gets tired she'll just plop on the ground and not move until you tug at the leash. We attempted to make her walk up till the 7th floor...but she just wouldn't move at the 2nd floor...she just sat there and refused to move. So we just carried her and took the lift up.

After the walk...we wiped her down and let her run around for a while until lunch time. Baby's mum cooked curry chicken...but I ate the potatoes and tofu most of the time. After that...I helped baby to tidy his room. It's a lot cleaner and neater now I must say, after going through all the dust and rubbish that had to be thrown out. Once all the stuff was cleared, just lazed around for a while until it was time to go.

It was a pleasantly spent day =)

Live like you mean it.
Love 'til you feel it.
Its all that we need in our lives.
So stand on the edge with me.
Hold back your fear and see.
Nothing is real 'til its gone.

the week has been passing by slowly....
but at last tomorrow will be the weekend...so I'll be seeing baby after almost 2 weeks =)

A lot of things happened which made me start thinking...and this made me kind of scared...maybe fearful sounds better.

Fearful of me.

I suppose I'll just be straightforward here...cos I just need somewhere to put my thoughts down and sort it all out. I've been described as selfish...unappreciative...disrespectful...someone who goes for all the new stuff and leaves the old for others...having no affection for others...and having no regard for authority. I think the detail about who said it isn't important...I just have to sort out the adjectives.

I really have no idea how far this is true...and i suppose a self-assessment just wouldn't seem a very reliable thing for me. However, if it were all true...the person I have become is truly frightening...at least I personally think so.

I may have had selfish thoughts now and then...frankly who hasn't? When have you not wanted to get something before someone else? As to how often I've acted on this thought...I really cannot recall...and as much as I'd like to believe that it is seldom, there must be a reason why I've been described in such a way. Which leads me to believe that it isn't seldom.

As for unappreciative and disrespectful...I can't say enough how much I object to it. But then again..maybe you the dear reader may be able to recall a time...but I'll just take note of it I guess...

Having no affection...I would say 50-50...I don't know if this is the right way to explain my actions, or why it's 50-50 but here it goes. For one...my home isn't very well known for it's hugs or kisses among members...not even from young. At least I don't really remember any big significance of it as compared to the amount of scolding and stuff we get during study time...haha. So it just seems weird...or I just don't know how to react to certain things. Things like someone being sick, someone hurting themselves (eg. knocking into smthg) etc. I supposed it maybe simple...just ask 'are you okay?' but for some reason...there's a a point I have to think about it first. Perhaps...because I haven't really received it first hand, or even if I have...it doesn't really compose of a lot of affection too...but then again, it might be just a biasness on my part. Nobody really asks much about each other...like how I disappeared for a 4 days 3 night camp and when I came back...I was just back...nobody really asked what happened or asked what did you do...stuff like that. Maybe you think blaming my upbringing is pretty cheap and just some lame excuse, but I just can't explain it otherwise. My inability to react and have no clue what to do.

No regard for authority...well...how should I talk about this? Well, my school record is clean...well, I bend rules but I have yet to break any...other than that, I can't really think of any other way to explain this or talk about it.

This isn't some outpouring of teenage angst...nor is it a ploy to obtain pity from anyone out there...this is just a place for me to sort out what's been going in my head. Perhaps...get a clearer picture of what has happened to myself.

Came back from camp on Monday...
it was a really good 4 days I must say...so I think I shall bore you with the details

=)

Day 1:
not much activity here, just met Valerie at clementi mrt and had brunch at macs there. Then we took 175 and dropped off without knowing where we were. We were supposed to meet at west coast park...behind macs. So we were in the bus and then we saw a macs on the other side of the raod...so we all got off...however the bus stop didn't say 'opp west coast park'. There were what seemed like other campers on the bus (I suppose the ultra big bag gave it away) ...and we walked toward the macs...luckily it was right.

so we registered and got this m1 goodie bag and Val and I just stoned....

like some time later... got divided into groups and then played some ice-breakers. So happens there were 4 guys and 4 girls....and we were called Teresa Goh...named after this famous Singaporean paraolympic swimmer. After that, it was station games to earn points and stuff. There was like capture the flag...where we just had to run and get flags of different colours which represent different amounts of points after we doing something like star jumps, push-ups...etc. It was just mad...I mean as the game progressed the white flag(worth the most points) moved all the way towards the other end of the field....while we were at the other. After that we played life-sized risk, then ultimate frisbee. After all the station games we had to do this secret pal thing where girls and paired with a guy and vice versa. For the next few days and you write postcards yo each other and stuff and get to know each other. We then bussed to KAP and then went on the choo choo track.
The choo choo track...is just this abandoned railway...it's covered all over in vegetation and there's still a super old railway traffic light standing. It was interesting....given that this thing has like been under there for so long and we take a bus pass the place so many times and have never known what lies at the bottom. There's one area under the tunnel which is absolutely muddy...muddy meaning like you'll sink in and could loose a shoe or sandal kind of muddy...luckily there's a pool of water after that to wash all the crap off. The end was at sunset way...basically we reached this part of the railway which runs over a bridge so we walked over it and looked at the night sky. Apparently, the sunset's supposed to be really nice or smthg.
After that we had dinner at the void deck of the flats there, played some games and then bussed back to NUS to shower and head back to west coast park to camp.

day 2:
Headed to Kallang basin for kayaking, but first we played a few rounds of volleyball, which my group won. While waiting we were trying ways to get more money from the councillors...we were like throwing people into the sea for "300 dollars" haha....Then we went for our kayaking session, where we basically played canoe polo...it was fun...not having done it for a while....as in the canoing part. There was a competition among the 4 teams and we tied for 1st and second placing...after that was the rafting competition. Just that the raft's ready-made and all we just ahve to do is row it out with a guy swimming at the back to get a flag out at sea.
After that we had lunch and headed over to the army market to help replenish some sandal casualties...sat around hawker centre and rested up and then continued on to east coast park.
At east coast park we played combat skirmish, basically paintball without the paintballs. It was absolutely cool...the guns they have are amazing and one of them has a sniper mode where you can hear the shell drop after you shoot...you have 8 lives after which you'll have to go back to base and respawn...haha. After all the groups had their turns, it was 12 of us campers against 8 of them. Basically, they killed all of us and we killed 2 of them...haha.
After combat skirmish, it was outdoor cooking. We had staples of maggi mee, eggs, tempura fish, oranges and apples. We had to use our "money" to bid for the other stuff...so we got chicken, canned peaches, nuggets, sotong balls. This part the guys were really good, they were like experimenting and gordon was going on about 'golden brown', 'crunchy on the outside, soft on the inside'...Tianwei, took out the flesh of an orange and poured orange juice , and egg and some tempura pieces inside the skin and then wrapped it with foil and put it on the bunsen burner to cook...not in a mess tin..directly on it. so it was smoking pretty badly and the bottom of the orange came out all black but it tasted really good. Gordon was caramelising an apple...putting an apple wrapped in foil over the open flame...going by trial and error to get the perfect taste....he tried 2 mins, 3 mins and then finally settled on 2 and a half mins...and omg...it tasted like the apples from the apple crumble in swensens. We even made sweet sauce...we poured the syrup and remaining orange juice into a mess tin and boiled to get a sweet sauce...haha...we even marinated the chicken with the maggi mee seasoning and the taste was out of this world. The cooking was just damn fun....
After that we went for makan cycling...the only thing I will remember forever is how badly my ass hurt from sitting on the bicycle for so long...if you're wondering how long....try around 6 hours. We cycled from east coast, to bedok and from bedok to sengkang I think...and from there to changi. There's this stretch of road outside the changi airbase and SAF terminal which never ends and you just can't see the end...so you just cycle and cycle toward the end without knowing where the hell it is. Every hump and strip we went over on the roads just made our asses cry out in agony...we finally reached back tp east coast at 2.30am and bathed and then went to sleep.

day 3:
The morning was just a cityrace like those checkpoint stuff again...we did 3 out of the 5 cos we decided to sit at ABC market and plan our skit for the campfire that night. We headed over to camp christine for our campfire...where we just sang campfire songs and played games. The Miss OAC wins hands down...haha...we dressed Feodor like a girl. He had 2 balloons for boobs and 2 unequal balloons for an ass...he was like prancing around...posing in all those miss universe poses and all that...super creepy...but he did win....although that depends on your perspective whether it's a good thing or not.
After that we got to meet our secret pal...but we had to find him or her through friendship song...I started with mine in the circle and then went one round before we realised we were each others secret pals. We walked out of camp christine in a group of six and took a bus back to CCK park.
The group decided to go for supper so we went to the hawker centre and ate before coming back to sleep

day 4:
we did stuff with our SP today...we headed to arena country club and then played some really weird game. I had to tie up my hands and legs with his and we had to bit a rose together to get across to the other side, peel the petals off with our mouths, and then exchange the rose for a straw and head back without biting the straw.
After that the guy had to take the girl blindfolded to burst balloons...after that game we went to learn diving =) This was really good...I personally enjoyed it...haha. When we were done we went down to the science centre for lunch. Feodor and I were like running around playing with all the stuff around, 'reliving childhood' he called it. There's this new water park thingie by PUB...and it looked so fun. There were like man-made vortexes and stuff and you can like get wet there, pity it's only for paying people...haha. Then there was the prize presentation, after that the group then decided to watch Transformers together...It was DAMN good...you just HAVE to watch it...I would watch it again...seriously...haha...

well that's the 4 days of camp...I hope I bored you....haha...
It was a good 4 days with all the 11 of us =)

Well...it's super hot afternoon...
the words hot and afternoon should never come together cos when they do, they just make the day so unbearable.

Had driving in the morning 11am...it was pretty much the usual driving up and down. The driving just makes you feel so proud of yourself, cos it makes you feel like you're one with all the drivers out there without and 'L' or probation plate...haha. Then very seldom...(with emphasis on very seldom)...something like forgetting to see the red light happens which makes you feel like an idiot. I like just came out of the bukit gombak mrt station and around the corner(smthg like that) there's a crossing and I didn't look up to check the traffic light. I almost beat the light...and like a Malay woman was about to cross too...my instructor was like almost ready to pull on the handbrake. Then I still have a problem turning...so I turned the steering wheel a little too much when I was turning into a two-way street and almost went into the lane traveling in the opposite direction. Plus, there was a car there...so that driver must thought where the hell I was going and what in the world I was doing. haha...my parking was alright on Tuesday...but today it was like hell...I had once again forgotten the timings and I just can't get what exactly to look out for. I managed to do it twice out of a few times...so yes parking needs A LOT of work.

Tomorrow's the odac camp...so not gonna be able to see my baby this weekend...I hope the camp is fun..

=)

I'm missing you.
I'm thinking of you.
I think of the joy,
when I'm hugged,
when I'm kissed,
when I see your face.
I count the days,
wait for the calls every night,
to hear the sound of your voice.
Your voice,
makes me so happy inside,
it feels like you're here with me.
So please don't go away...

Today was an amazing day....haha...
woke up early ate my breakfast which was cereal and then took 156 to meet baby.

We bussed and walked to venus drive and began our walk to the tree top walk. We walked through the forest...looked in the streams and saw so many longkang fish....some so big, swimming around...they look like tiger barbs or something. We saw so many pond skaters too...we continued walking and baby talked about his trekking through the forest while doing navigation at night and where some of the checkpoints are along the way.

When we reached the tree top walk...the view was fantastic...it was starting to get a little hot too, but nonetheless, it was really good. We could see so far and even see the reservoir, I think it was the Seletar reservoir. Along the way we read these metal signs which were hanging along the way which wrote about the plants and animals to see around the place. We didn't see any animals but the plants were there. After that, we continued walking towards rifle range road. Baby showed me a trick his superior taught them with a leaf with a particular plant which could make this loud sound, like the ones which we make when we open those wet towels in the restaurant. I even got to see the 'CB' plant for the first time...they were everywhere along the way... and apparently you can eat the shoot. We walked along rifle range road and then after a long walk we came out at Jalan Anak Bukit...probable about 7 or 8 km baby said...but it was really good. Took 985 to BBDC and baby finally signed up for his driving classes there and after that we headed to baby's house, took a bath and then a nice nap.

Woke up, we watched some TV and took Tumble out for a walk. haha....she is the cutest thing when going up and down the stairs. We took her to the fish pond, which had new koi in it....plus some luo hans. Ran a bit here and there with her and then took her back upstairs. Played a few rounds of mahjong and then I went home.

I like days like this... :)

Today's Thursday!!!!
There's driving in the afternoon later...and I shall have to chiong lessons for next month...and hopefully get most of the lessons in before uni.
woohooo....
It'll finally be Friday tomorrow and baby and I will finally go to tree top walk and we're planning to walk all the way to Bukit Timah Nature Reserve I think...haha...

Yesterday...I was home alone for a while...
I've been wanting for that to happen for a while now.
Silence.
I must say I like the lunch I made for myself. It was koka instant mee, chicken flaoured, with the marrow vege that I love mummy to cook and steam fish from last night together with 4 dumplings. I have been having this craving for dumplings since last saturday or even earlier than that. It was really good...but I as hungry in no time again...and knowing my home...there's nothing to eat. Just corn biscuits and sesame biscuits. So I was left on my own to fight the urge to snack the whole afternoon and evening.
People poured back in in the afternoon...Kor came back form Malaysia...so the house is a bit more noisier now. I doing half hour runs again....which is good...just overshor by 30 seconds to get back home...better than Monday, where I got a shock when I had such a hard time even getting to 20 minutes

Tuesday was IJ campfire night...
After meeting Charmaine and Sherlyn, I headed over at about 6pm...met Erika, Ethel, Kailing, Mingjie and Deb...the firepit was impressive as well as the structure. They seemed rather well prepared...talked to Miss Lakshmi to catch up on how the coy's doing. The Campfire went really well, except firepit needed some help...seemed nobody really taught them the um...how to do it....they seemed pretty scared of the fire...so Erika, Ethel and I helped out some to help pull them through. It was great considering 2 campfires in a year...we only had to do one in our time...and it was like all hell broke loose or something then...rushing this...that's behind a little...so I'll give'em the credit they deserve. At least the PLC can relax now and go into sleep mode regarding guides...haha...

Erika and i talked to Mrs Tan about coming back to help'em out...cos it seemed the little important details and skills have been seriously lost on this batch and I think a few of the previous ones as well...hence resulting in the lack of knowledge in certain areas. They just need a boost and some person from a long ago batch (did I just make myself sound old?) to give them a little boost and bring back all the lost skills. I guess it would be a good thing to do before uni, since I've got no job now...cos I guess guides seemed to be the one thing that I really felt I could attain perfection in, or at least...I've somewhat reached my peak in regards to my personal standards. For dance there's always work to be done...not that I dislike that too. Had to tear Ethel away from packing another box of sausages from the refreshments so we could go home....haha...

Dancing is like dreaming with your feet

Well Monday passed slowly and so is today...
Spent the whole morning watching Brainiac on youtube...for those of you who don't know what it is...it's a really whacky science show that does weird experiments like blowing up trailers using different methods like static electricity and putting all sorts of things into microwaves to see if it'll explode...haha...
so as I was surfing around you tube I found this video on dancing with some really nice quotes in them...the guy's not professional...but he tries and I'll give him the credit for that...

I shall be heading out to join Charmaine before I head over to IJ campfire... =)

well...

that's the end of working for this holiday...I think...

I feel I've earned this break..my stamina for working has just waned...enough is enough. I should like chiong my driving lessons and try to get it done and over with soon.

I shall bum around like a shameless teenager who lives of her parents without giving back....haha...that was a bit harsh. My colleagues treated me to ice-cream at venezia...I had 2 flavours; dark choc and biscotti! Today was rush rush...had to get the management reports sent out. Print here, punch holes there, call the courier, make sure everything's in it's correct place and that it's sene out. On top of that, had to do some humongous filing for a pile of stuff for my boss...I didn't know where 60% of it belonged at all. Knowing me, I got really bothered by this...I mean it's fine if I don't get it, but I was just like really bothered why is it there was so much i didn't know the hell they were...but anyway. it was a good day...perhaps to do with the prospect that it was the last day. I was supposed to treat myself to a mocha ice-blended after work, but the queue was just so long. so headed home and planned to head out for a run, but I was just so tired...i felt like napping, but i can't nap cos if i do, i'll have a lot of problems sleeping tonight. My body is just screwed up...

Tomorrow baby and I are going to macritchie to walk the tree-top trail. hmmm...should be good day, just hope it doesn't rain or anything like that. =)

Well...I am home from work....

I just wish it were Friday, then I wouldn't have to work anymore. My stay at this company has been an eye-opener to the kind of people that exist in the corporate world...although the actual existence of some of them is truely shocking.

I really need more Grey's Anatomy epsiodes...I watched didn't manage to watch the last 4 episodes of season 2 because my mum had to give it away to her boss who was going to lend it to her daughter in the states. Although I have no idea why that's needed after all it's shown in the states...while over here, channel 5 chooses to screen things like desperate housewives at 10pm while (last time) Grey's Anatomy is shown at 12pm. I mean...I just don't get the rationale behind it. Now I've only watched season 3 till episode 15...and there are 10 more episodes.

ANYBODY? ANYBODY?!?!

I NEED MORE GREY'S ANATOMY!!!

Okay...Now I feel like some crazed fan or something. Anyway, Valerie has managed to rope me in to go for nusodac camp at the end of this month, which I am pretty excited about. I haven't been to things like this for such a long time. I miss kayaking too...

It is FRIDAY!!!

Well, the last day of work is officially next friday...I am so jinxed with the work-for-one-and-a-half-month thing.

Yesterday's driving was really good...I drove around the choa chu kang area for like 1 whole hour...the other half hour was spent practiciing my directional change....sheryl is so right, once you get the hang of it, driving is damn fun. I ust have problems changing gear, I tend to get the gear slotted into the wrong slot, which makes the engine stall if I do. The other thing being I haven't gotten the hang of turning into roads...I just cannot get the hang of how much to turn the steering wheel and when to start turning. Other than that...it was strangely enjoyable...I think driving and I are gonna be really good friends...

:)

weeee....gen is a happy girl...
mummy came back from Thailand on Saturday and brought home grey's anatomy season 1,2 & those that have been shown for season 3!!!
She bought jeans too....however I have a strange fear of trying them on.

anyway....Sunday was another FANTASTIC day with baby. Met baby after church and we went to Aquarama 2007 at Suntec. We were like 2 kids in a candy shop...we were just moving anywhere and everywhere looking at all the amazing fishes and tank environments on display. Not forgetting that things were going dirt cheap too seeing as it was the last day and the overseas companies didn't wanna bring some stuff back to their countries anymore. The competition area of the exhibition area was amazing....looking at all the different competition fishes; goldfishes, plecos, guppies, discus, fighting fish and the amazing arowanas. They even had competitions for the best marine and tropical tanks....baby and I were running everywhere...THERE WAS JUST TOO MUCH TO SEE!!!! AAAAH!! Baby and I were so tired after that...I hope we have more days like this

:)

Today was plain boring....more boring than usual...
boring.
boring.
I was playing solitaire and spider solitaire to pass the time...
so boring...

IT'S FRIDAY!!!
I am so happy...somehow the week did pass a little fast.
I finaly received a reply from nus on wednesday...got accepted into the faculty of science...now it's just ntu or nus. I'm favouring nus right now...due to the distance I have to travel...ntu is just way too far away from where i live. But the course I get to study in nus is vital too ...cos I still have to request to major in life science.

I was so happy when I received the package, mummy was relieved and my aunts were just over-concerned saying things like "so how? accept lah!" and "so how? what you going to choose?". Frankly I have no idea...the NTU prospect seems pretty good, with the small cohort one gets more attention from professors and the people in the faculty are relatively close to one another making it much easier for look help among peers, not forgetting the larger percentage of those graduating with honours . On the other hand, NUS is way more established in terms of science and I heard NTU's curriculum isn't really good plus it is closer to home, so travelling isn't much an issue and I wouldn't have to put up in a hostel.

I'm pretty much lost.

Work today finished early, to be exact 5, cos it's supposed to be some 'eat with your family day'. Sounded good after all I was looking for the work day to end as soon as possible. The highlight of the day was having to fold, insert, seal and stick a stamp on 134 invoices to send out. I swear it took me 1 and a half hours and that was with help. I just kept folding and folding and the stack of invoices to send out just never got and thinner. It was really strange if you ask me.

After work, I headed to town to send in my timesheet to the agency, then decided to walk around and see what the GSS had to offer me in orchard. I saw this really nice pair of black peep-toe shoes from americaya in wisma...pity it was a$49.90...I've been wanting a pair for quite a while, they look especially nice with pants and jeans. Charles and Keith didn't have much to offer, although I did think that one of their peep toes was nice, it was going at $31.90. I went around looking for jeans...MNG had jeans at $66!!! like man they're just jeans...the ones at giordano have just (to me) degraded in value. Is it possible to find nice pair of jeans at $15??? For some reason I think it's impossible, but after what happened when I got my bag...I have to believe it is possible. I'll just have to wait a long, long time and travel really far.


THIS GSS I JUST NEED A PAIR OF JEANS AND SHOES!!!!!

Tomorrow is saturday...my favourite day of the week...baby books out. It just seems we don't fight so mch anymore, not that I'm complaining and it could possibly be because there isn't much time, but it just seems we are...I dunno....sweeter to each other? okay...more affectionate. I like it...just simple quiet time together. Although at times I do wanna go out...but once I get to his house, it just doesn't seem so important anymore. Gotta get up early tomorrow too, gotta meet valerie at 8.30 and get to the induction talk at nus...which is at 9 am. It seems I miss going to school...every phase is just passing a little too fast, when I went to JC, I missed the IJ uniform and just IJ itself. Now going onto uni, I miss the CJ uniform and CJ itself. Are we growing up too fast? I guess we're just forced to move out of our comfort zone, not having to wear uniforms anymore probably symbolises the need for us to become independent...we are now individuals representing ourselves in whatever we do.

I AM BORED OUT OF MY MIND....
for the first time on a saturday...

I just feel too lazy to do anything...normally I would be napping, but the prospect of napping just doesn't seem too good. TV is somehow boring and I have been doing nothing but watching my fish and watching videos on youtube.com regarding fish. There was some insane person who fed his piranhas an arowana...no i haven't gotten it wrong...he fed a silver arowana to his red bellied piranhas. Like omg...he has got to be insane. Then I saw a couple on guppies giving birth, cos i think some of my females are pregnant...I found 3 fry in the tank the other day, so some female's giving birth. However, I still have no idea which one it is. Saw one on arowana's breeding...some are quite interesting.

dum di dum...just waiting for the day to pass....

I am back earlier than usual....was supposed to have tuition, but SO happens that the girl accidentally switched off her phone...I ACTUALLY managed to make my way to the hostel....just that since I couldn't contact her, I couldn't even go into the hostel...like WTF!!! next time i'm going to get an address...I asked her for the add and she kept giving me the name of the hostel and that it was near st margaret's...

AAAAAH!!!

work today wasn't any better...I was just pining for the day to end. All because of this tampines 1 thing, seeing as I'm the temp staff... I keep getting asked to do stuff for them like call the almost 500 people to check if they are coming!! Like why are people in the fucking corporate world so bloody irresponsible, they can't even REPLY AN INVITATION!!! I wanna go to school...and dear NUS still hasn't sent me anything!!! I am in an ass of a mood today...FRUSTRATED!!!!

Yesterday, had to be the best day of the week...baby booked out for the tea session at NUS, so we had lunch together with his dad at turf city, after which we went to gourmet to wander around. =) It was just nice to have him around...
was supposed to have dinner with my previous collegues form draeger...but it got cancelled. I was looking forward to that...haix...so I just went for a run after work...

Wednesday went for some free yoga trial.....it was pretty good...I so haven't stretched for a damn long time and the poses were challenging but manageable. It seems pretty good, just i don't know...I don't really like to travel so far out just to get some excercise....I mean I can just run around my area and stuff, I seriously wouldn't travel unless it had to do with dance. Bought subway for dinner and then headed home.

I am so tired.....I just have too many things on my mind.,...among them a serious craving for yoghurt and being hungry.

where are you....

well, this weekend was really good...I'm so happy....haha...
yesterday baby and I finally got down to getting the fish tank up.

We bought 6 male guppies and 3 female ones, plus 18 neon tetras which are absolutely beautiful under the light...bought sand to line the bottom, 2 live plants, one other on a log and a new light . Not forgetting food and some filter sponge. Baby fixed the pump which wasn't really working very well...haha...

Baby's mum sent us over to my house...had dinner and then proceeded to fill the tank....it was so fun...especially when the fish were let out of the bag. It was so nice to see them swimming around especially when the light is switched on. Unfortunately, this morning all of the tetras died as well as one male guppy...probably couldn't take the new environment...had to scoop their bodies out. It's a bit sad...I mean the tetras really looked good.

Went out after lunch today with baby...to get more female guppies...we found out we actually got too few. We also got a bottle of anti-chlorinating chemical to de-chlorinate the water. After that, baby's parents sent me home while they went off for dinner with the grandparents. Went to bath and after that let the females out of the bag after letting the bag sit in the tank for a while....the new females are so huge as compared to the ones we bought yesterday...but the males don't seem to mind that...haha...so now...

I OFFICALLY HAVE A FISH TANK...with fish in it. I love it.

Just need a smaller one for my hall. =)

well...I am home from work...
going for driving lesson later...weeee....
I have found that...the spots that I have are an allergic reaction...to what? I have no idea...it can't be food, I have been eating the way same way all my life...I haven't tried anything new...perhaps it's dust...I HAVE NO IDEA. All I can say is...I am very self-conscious about them now. I can't even wear shorts....it seems this "allergic reaction" has affected every wear except for the areas that the sun don't shine...by that I mean chest area, torso and butt.

If it gets worst I am so going to cry.

I just keep looking at them 0.0

Somebody in my office says it may be that my body is heaty...and all the feng, liang and TCM theory whatnot that she said...I have no idea.

I JUST WANT IT TO GO AWAY!!!

go find someone else to infect...

I've been home for a while now...
truthfully, I feel irritated with myself...for reasons I cannot explain...
I have like so any bites on my left arm, I have no idea how they got there...I just kind of noticed all of them yesterday....I mean I knew I had what looked like mosquito bites but...then yesterday around lunch time I noticed there were a lot. I'm rather pissed about it...I mean I look like I have some disease or something...perhaps it's my retribution for being so judgemental on how people look. I mean I personally have an eye for perfection especially when it comes to the way I dress...it just has to look good...and when I see people...I just get pretty critical. I'm just more accepting when it comes to friends...haha... talk about being biased.

NUS is irritating me...I have still to get a reply from them...I have no idea why it's taking so long. It's driving me crazy frankly...maybe it's because I applied to NTU...so they're torturing me making me wait. Or something...I come home wishing it were in the mail, like some crazy moron. I know it's not impossible, but...I just need it to BE THERE!! Is it so hard? I am full of worries, this is gonna make me die like 5 years younger than I'm supposed to...Hopefully, I'll still have my teeth then. My toothbrush bruised my gum...so it's so painful when I brush there...now it's hurting even when I don't touch it. It feels like a toothache, but I've never had a toothache, so I don't really know if it's a toothache. It shouldn't be...a toothache...

Work is pretty mundane...I just file stuff for people, open letters, pick-up phone calls, receive guests, arrange couriers...nothing much...since the workplace is so near to home I actually walk there, hence saving on transport. However, the amount I save on transport seems to have been made up in my lunch spenditure.

money, money, I wish I weren't so calculative...

It's LABOUR DAY!!!!

I shall be starting work on Thursday....and I shall be having my driving lessons next thursday.
Came back to Malaysia with my aunts (they came down on saturday)...my mum insists that I go see this sinseh...

anyhow...the past few days have been good...quality time spent with baby...it was enjoyable...a satisfactory kind of happy =) haha...I'm trying very hard not to use the phrase 'goofy happy' cos it just has an element of stupidity in it...and i don't think I'm stupid.

It was a super long drive down...as usual...then we went to get bus tickets for the ride home tomorrow and then headed for dinner. We had fish head curry, veggies, tofu..blah blah...i basically finished the veggies and the garlic and ate a lot of mantou. I have a THING for veggies and garlic. came back to my aunts house, bathed and now i am here.

Tried to use the starhub online sms thingamajig to sms baby, but it turns out that they sms the password to my mobile and I don't have autoroam...just meaning I don't have any reception...like wth...this sucks...

Tomorrow it will be to see the freaky sinseh and another long bus ride home.

Doctors are workaholics with a God complex. Sounds good to me...

I am once again employed....
somehow I never seem to be able to be employed for more than 1 and a half months...not my fault...
this time the pay's not as good but I can walk to work...haha...it's at guthrie house...so since I don't have to pay for transport it's a pretty good deal. Only problem is this time I hope they terminate my contract early, so I can do the BASF kids lab thing...it just looks so fun...I like doing kiddie experiments.

Staying home is a little stifling...there isn't much to do...studying 'A' level bio is just suffocating, You could choke on that much info at once. In sec 4, I didn't even know the cell had that much crap in it. Doing so much stuff in it. It's like I read...but don't absorb...unless it's like I unknowingly absorb. It has happened many times...when I get so freaked out because I don't feel full of content, then someone says something, the info just pours out of my mouth. It's a freaky thing, cos you don't even know you absorb, know or remembered what you studied until the very crucial moment. I really need black and white notes to tide me over. ANYBODY HAVE J2 BIO NOTES TO GIVE AWAY!?!??!

I like recently downloaded the whole 1st season of Grey's Anatomy...I like finished it in a day. Sound absolutely mundane? Tell me about it...But it was fun to watch.

Been doing half hour runs this week...but the thing is, it just gets boring running for 30 mins all alone...time just seems to pass so slowly when you run. But I must say when I'm done I feel good about myself. I didn't even know I could run for that long till that day I did it for the first time, I just amaze myself sometimes. Frankly, it scared me a little, it's like I don't really know myself and what I'm truly capable of.

Well...today was LaZy day!!!
I didn't have to get to work today...um...because I don't really have a job anymore...haha...
I watched 300 today...the men were so unreal, with EVERY man having like 6-8 packs.The movie was good...Iliked it very much. I like watching these kind of war movies like troy and 300 because their war tactics are just ab-so-lute-ly a mark of genius. Watched some TV, studied some bio, slept a little...somehow I think I almost came down with a flu and then I went out for a half hour run...omg...I swear I am amazed and yet my thighs haven't gotten any smaller or toned...there must be something wrong.

I'm tired as usual...
anyway...today was, not bad...although it was the last day of work...
for those of you who know that I'm actually on contract and a bit surprised...it's because the company found a perm staff to replace me. cos I definitely had no intention of staying on permenantly and they managed to get a perm staff they thought they'd better grab it...so now, dear gen is UNEMPLOYED again...haix...although I have to admit, i kinda wanted a break.

Apprently nobody knew it was like my last day today, so when it kind of slowly deseminated around the office after i told 3 people in my department. The day was somewhat filled with stuff to do...I didn't mind doing the filing today plus the usual quotations. Mr Yu brought the CST department to lunch and they bought me this chocolate cake with banana's in it as a tiny farewell gift. They were all saying why I didn't tell them it was my last day....i just didn't know how to say it...the only reason why the first three people knew is because they mentioned that i'd be here next week...haha.

I guess this is the best job i've had so far...the people are swell...they feed me like there's no tomorrow. My boss is truly a very nice man...he has that middle-aged man charm with charisma. He occasionally asks about you...unlike my last job where that woman was just a super-stressed out workaholic...haha. The people there were so nice...they were all wishing me all the best...and to let them know which hospital I'll be working at so they can get "free MC". These people I will truly miss...really...they're supposed to contact me to meet up with me for dinner. =)

Anyways...I shall be starting driving lessons in May...=)...weeee!!! I am happy...as you can see...shall have to head to BBDC to get the PDL tomorrow and I hope there isn't a long queue.

well i'm at the office...it's after lunch...seems like the most talked about thing right now is the US college massacre where a korean student went on a shooting rampage killing 33 people incuding himself.

After reading most of the articles...i just have to say how ab-so-lute-ly stupid the American
government is. For a country to even have such a thing as gun culture spells trouble if not potential chaos. I found this information on the CNA website 2 days ago.

"Buying and owning a gun in Virginia does not require a permit, but without a gun permit
only one handgun purchase per month is allowed, and there is no waiting period to acquire the gun.

Those with licenses can buy more than one gun during one month. A non-state resident has
to wait 10 days to acquire a weapon, or until he or she gets a positive report from the state police.

The law is broad enough to allow people to buy assault guns and magazines without limit such as AK-47s and Uzis, the Brady report points out on its website.

"Assault weapons are as easy to buy as hunting rifles," it says.

The state maintains "no restriction on the sale or possession of rapid-fire ammunition magazines that can fire up to 100 bullets without reloading".

The state does restrict people convicted of felony crimes from possessing firearms, and forbids giving or selling handguns to minors under 18, except from one family member to another.

But selling rifles and shotguns to children over 12 is permitted.

In one controversial loophole, people can buy weapons at second-hand gun shows without waiting periods or background checks.

Critics of the laws say it allows people to pay cash and take the gun away with no way to track them."

I was shocked at how lax the laws are, it just seems to have or not to have these laws doesn't really make a difference. Apparently "Virginia Governor Tom Kaine said it was insensitive to even discuss gun control at a time when the families of those killed needed to grieve" Why is it not the time? The only reason why this occured was due to the lack of gun control at both state and country level, would grieveing help return them a son, daughter, mother or father? Did it not occur that to address this issue now would help these people tide over their lose?

Perhaps i'm being too objective about this and unsympathetic towards these people...but what better time to bring this issue up and resolve all the loop holes and make sure it never happens to another 33 or more people? After we allow the families of the victims to grieve, the importance of this issue may slide and what is now known as 'The bloodiest school shootings in US history' would soon be forgotten, just like how the Columbine high school shooting did.

The freedom to do whatever we want whenever we want should NEVER trump the personal safety and security of a countrys' people. If that were so it would not make sense...simply because the people make a country. Without people...a country is just land. Isn't it?

Perhaps the Korean guy was mad, sick in the mind...but maybe there was a possibility that it could have been prevented. It was reported he was a loner...so far none of the reports have ny evidence of him even having friends. There could have been a high possibility that it was this loneliness that allowed this hatred in him to manifest and set loose this monster in him. If he had just one friend...it may have made a world of difference. Easier said than done is suppose...but little do any of us that our own actions could have such an effect on a person, to drive him to do such things. Just another POV i thought i'd just bring up, you don't have to share my views...but i just thought about it.

That was taxing on my brain...I haven't thought like that since GP....I feel old.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY!!! muakz!!!

well...
just came back home from church and shall be heading out to give tuition soon...
yesterday was a good day...
went to work and talked to mr jonathan for a while after which i walked about in town waiting for baby to call me when he books out...
took 190 and met baby and his dad at lot 1 and to his house we went. The day passed really fast...haha...his mummy taught me how to make yam cake and it smelt so nice...i haven't tasted it thought, i did hear that a buit too much water was added into the mixture. napped for a while and before we knew it it was time to go for dinner.

headed to lot 1 to eat at different taste...and we met the tumble!!! OMG...she's so cute...2 month old jack russell terrier which chuangyang and michelle bought. He was sleeping in michelle's bag. In the car she woke up... we all started playing with her and the cutest thing was when she yawned. There was a chorus of 'aiyoh' when she did...back home she was just running around...teething at the wires althought we kept pulling her away from them...haha...

i want a doggie...and it's time for me to go...ciao!!

Cause all of the stars
Are fading away
Just try not to worry
You'll see them some day
Take what you need
and be on your way
and stop crying your heart out

I'm so tired...
so tired that i could sit down somewhere and just stone and look like i'm some depressed emo teenager in the midst of a mid-life crisis...
a part of me just wants to give it up...but I was so sure of it from the start, sure that i could make it,but now...i just...i don't know what to do.

should i even tell you things? you speak to me as if i'm some dumb ass...when you are the stupid one asking me the same question again and again. wtf...you ALWAYS do this to me...one minute you encourage me to do something like you'll support me all the way and then you just cut me off, leaving me for dead. before you EVEN question what it is i am doing and if i even have to slightest CLUE as to what I am doing....just look at yourself...you're in one freaking mess of your own and there you go pointing fingers at other people like there's nothing wrong with you when you're so deep in your own shit! The both of you are like 2 kids fighting over a toy and it so happens that he got it instead of you, so you're just not talking to him till he gives it back to you. Like wtf...give it up already...I'm at my wit's end...about to explode.

Tell me there are people in this world worst of than me...but truthfully, i would rather shoot myself. I DO NOT DESERVE THIS!!! I don't wanna a conscience...I don't want to have to work because i worry what will happen if i don't...i don't want to live like this...i just...i want so badly to fix it. I don't want to come home always scared of messing up, it just makes my life absolutely miserable...i try so so hard...and it never seems to be enough.

BYE SEAN!!! don't you just love NS?? where boys become men...

well...i haven't been blogging much..
apparently it's becoming somewhat of a trend among people like me who have been like longterm blogging. By longterm blogging i mean about 2 years...

anyway, last night i passed my basic theory test....like i completed it in 10mins...and my dear sheryl baey is already doing the final theory...like wtf. private really sucks, i still need to go all the way back to BBDC to register for PDL like soon...before they make me wait like a year and by the time i get my license I'll be like 30..aaaah!! private really sucks...and school just had to be so expensive...

anyway...I shall be meeting erika later for dinner...not having seen her for oh so long and i shall be goin for lunch now...

Well...work is starting to get unbearable...I spent an entire day sorting out 2 months of quotation by customer....and why you may ask. Because they don't have an individual file in the filing cabinet. In addition, I was told to put it in alphabetical order. After, like 7/8 of the day I was extremely frustrated about it and just stuck all the Bs with the Bs and the so on. I mean even the effect that the continuous streaming of video had on me is wearing off. The stacking up of paper and making them sit neatly has also given me like 5 million paper cuts.

I feel like picking up dance class again...any takers?

You know when your birthday is, but how old should you really be getting married? (Just put an x next to the things that apply to you)

[x] I know how to make a pot of coffee.
[x] I keep track of dates using a calender.
[ ] I own more than one credit card. (i don't have any, heh!)
[ ] I know how to change the oil in a car.
[x] I know how to do my own laundry.
[ ] I vote every election.
[x] I can cook for myself ( just the basic stuff...instant noodles?)
[x] I think politics are exciting... (more like interesting...)
[ ] I balance my checkbook.
[ ] My parents have better things to say than my friends.
[ ] I show up for school/college/work every day early.
[x] I always carry a pen in my pocket/purse.
[ ] I've never gotten a detention.
[x] I have never smoked a cigarette.
[x] I have never gotten completely trashed.
[x] I have forgotten my own birthday at least once.
[x] I like to take walks by myself.
[x] I've watched talk shows.
[x] I know what credibility means without looking it up.
[ ] I drink coffee at least once a week.
[x] I know how to do the dishes.
[ ]I can count to 10 in another language.
[x] When I say I'm going to do something I do it.
[x] My parents trust me.
[ ] I can mow the lawn.
[x] I can make adults laugh without being stupid.
[ ] I remember to water the plants.
[x]I study when I have to.
[x] I pay attention at school/college.
[ ] I remember to feed my pets. (don't have any)
[x] I can spell experience without looking it up
[x] I work out on a regular basis.
[x] I clean up my own mess.
[ ] The people at Starbucks know me by name.
[ ] My favorite kind of food is take out.
[x] I have gained weight since middle/high school. (does on and off count?)
[ ] The first thing I do when I wake up is get caffeine.
[x] I can go to the store without getting something I don't need.
[x] I understand political jokes the first time they are said. (most of the time)
[x] I can type quickly.
[ ] I have realized that the weather forecast changes every hour.
[ ] My only friends are from my place of employment.
[ ] I have been to a Tupperware party.
[x] I have realized that no one will take you seriously unless you are over the age of 25 and have a job.
[ ] I have more bills than I can pay.
[ ] All my friends are older than I am.
[x] I can say no to staying out all night.
[x] I use the Internet every day.
[x] My wardrobe hasn't changed in a while. (sadly, i do want to revamp it)
[x] I can read a book and actually finish it.

30!!! That's like really old...yeeeeee...oh well...

I'm in a rather pleasant mood today...
perhaps it's due to the fact that I didn't have to meet with the rush hour that I've been meeting with for the pasts few days commuting between orchard and buona vista.

I swear...after all this time travelling on the mrt, I have seen so much that I am disgusted with...yesterday has had to be the worst. I mean there a few common ones like not standing to one side of the escalator, by side i mean the left...I mean some people are rushing and need to get on a train fast or they just need to be somewhere fast so give way!!!! I don't get it...and they just stand on any side they wantmaking people zig-zag around them...which by the way is a terrible feeling when you're rushing. The other thing is people just DON'T move to the centre of the carriage...I mean I always do and it feels weird....cos there's like a humongous jam at the doors and where I am it's rather empty...crowding at the door just makes it so hard for people to get on.

However, yesterday was different all thanks to a certain malay woman. She was sitting, chatting with her friend and at the next stop her friend alighted and vacated a corner seat. so I headed towards it cos I still had like 6 stops more. She slid over to the corner seat, thereby vacating the seat she was previously in...I reached the now vacated seat and then this women leaned her body towards the empty seat, blocking me from sitting down. she patted the seat and gestured to her other friend further away to come sit there. She did not even acknowledge my presence...I was just standing right in front of the seat, all I had to do was turn around and sit...and she ignored me. Woman, just tell me "sorry, my friend is coming to sit here" I'd understand...it's natural for people to prefer to sit next to people they are familiar with.

sometimes i think some people shouldn't be given brains cos there's like no difference between the way they function with or without it.

I dislike public trasport. I am so gonna drive. And when I get sick of traffic jams and disgusting road etiquette, I shall get me self a plane and fly to where I want to go. a helicopter will be good too.

Pain comes in all forms; the small tinge, a bit of soreness, the random pain, the normal pains we live with everyday. Then there’s the kind of pain you can’t ignore. A level of pain so great that it blocks out anything else. Makes the rest of the world fade away. Until all we can think about is how much we hurt. How we manage our pain is up to us.

Pain. We anaesthetize, ride it out, embrace it, ignore it. And for some of us the best way to manage pain is to just push through it. Pain. You just have to ride it out. Hope it goes away on its own. Hope that the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions. No easy answers. You just breathe deep and wait for it to subside. Most of the time pain can be managed but sometimes the pain gets to you when you least expect it. It’s way below the belt and doesn’t let up. Pain. You just have to fight through because the truth is you can’t out run it. And life always make more.

- Grey's Anatomy "Bring the Pain"

I am going to make an effort to like watch grey's anatomy...cos...i don't know...it IS the medical world and I like it. And yes, I like the getting excited over the 'the-gorier-surgery-the-better-it-is' thing...

anyways, I am somewhat peeved right now...if not for the fact that I am financially reliant, wanting to keep things together and that i can't cook very well, right this moment, i really feel like up and leaving.

Firstly, I mean what kind of person comes home and doesn't even FUCKING border to hang up clothes that have been sitting in the stinking washing machine for half a day?!?? Instead you not only walk pass it...but you actually opened it, with the intention of throwing your dirty socks into it, saw it was full of wet clothes and dumped your dirty socks in the laundry basket instead. It wouldn't take up like a frikkin hour to hang it up!!!

Secondly, so there wasn't anyone home early enough to cook the rice (i knew i couldn't rely anyone to do it, when I was rushing off to church from home after coming back from work), you decide to go out and eat. Fine, although i don't see the point of doing that when rice could like cook in 40mins, you don't even bother to 'da-bao' anything back for kor kor and I to eat at all when we were like OBVIOUSLY coming home late. Just to describe how obvious, they actually called to ask.

I mean seriously, I am doing more if not a lot more than an average person my age should, ndering how I should spend every dollar...having to stretch like $10 a week in JC. Paying practically EVERYTHING through own bank, until it almost dried up and I shouldn't have to pay my way through _______ school. I mean it's supposed to have been planned out...wasn't it? Having to pay for things that aren't mine? I mean okay, it's supposed to be family...but what about me?

am I even appreciated?

There was this DISC test we took in secondary school, I happened to be a very high D...being dominant. Being D, our biggest fear is to be taken advantaged of...and I can testify to that. Right now, I feel not only stupid but pathetic...I hate that I have such a conscience...I mean my sisters are like they don't mind my mum doing stuff, but she fucking mops the house upstairs and down, cleans all the toilets, cooks dinner for all of us for the whole week and has a freaking office job. You'd think they actually think beyond themselves? I'm not saying i'm like a total saint, but this is right in front of you, happeneing in your own home...i just don't get it.

I can't help thinking...all the time I did all that stuff, what if I didn't, would have been able to do better for my 'A's? Cos I sure as hell didn't have as much time as the freak sleeping away on the table downstairs or the one far away...and if I definitely could have, then I seriously feel cheated. I feel like I'm being torn up bit by bit, I keep thinking that there's something better than this but right now...I don't think there is anymore.

have i told you how much i need you?

Today was just Sunday...
woke up, went to church...sermon was about patience, although i didn't detect much of a lesson invoved. More of a tell-you-my-funny-story kind of thing and then go back to the topic and verse for a little reminder.

Came back, had lunch and then headed off to springdale for my engrish tutoring job...it was olright...i mean considering she's from IB i didn't really know what to do, i just went with the general stuff, turned out it was rather okay...just needed to gauge as to where exactly she stands. Came home, hung out the clothes, took a bath and now I am here...oh so tired as usual...

Saw this quiz on my jie jie's blog thought i'd give it a go actually a large porportion of it was rather accurate...give it a go if you please...

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