Eclipsed

“Don’t let what he wants eclipse what you need. He is very dreamy, but he is not the sun, you are.”

- Grey's Anatomy

Maybe I need to change how I portray myself

Not entirely

There are times I really wish we were already in that phase and times I feel quite lucky we aren't.

Maybe I would feel different about it if I  were already in it. After all, you made a commitment so you just have to find ways to work it out. But I keep finding out new things, things that are not necessarily good. Things that I don't know if I could live with. Some of which, I feel could be my fault. In my haste to be tolerable and understanding, I think I have most probably let too many things slide. Things that make me unhappy. Very unhappy.

This bled over from this new outlook I took on in life. This outlook was supposed to prevent unhappiness in the people around me from occurring. Essentially keep the peace, not to be too opinionated, grumble etc. But small things accumulate and have repercussions over time too.

And now, I just don't know what's the most constructive way to deal with this.

only myself to blame

I let you convince me that you will help me.

Never again will I trust you on this. It's always you, what you want to do, when you want to do it.

Well just fuck that. All your sorrys are just full of crap and I have so much pent up unhappiness that I have nowhere, no one to tell and say to.