It's sunday and I'm at home
just lazing aroung..and thinking about HOW exactly I'm going to finish my holiday homework...
anyway, I tried to take a nap just now, however I was RUDELY awakened by my mei mei...who decided to just come in and lie all over my bed waking me up in the process. Now I can't get back to sleep...she better keep 4 eyes on that bear of hers...
my eyes are watering now and my nose is running...I think it's the dusty state of my room. I just saw the amount of dust on the bookshelf near the window and I was absolutely appalled at how I could let such a sight go unseen for the past month or so. I should get down to getting it officially dustfree, before we go down to m'sia and once I've finished my holiday homework.
need to go iron...
I miss holding your hand
the way mine and yours just fit so well,
swinging it as we walk....
I miss your hugs
they always seem to make me feel so secure,
holding me like you'll never let me go...
I miss your face
the way it makes all those expressions that just make me laugh,
the smile that matches it so well...
I miss your eyes
the way they look at me,
making me feel like i'm the only one in your world...
I miss your hair
just the way it looks and feels when I run my hands through it...
what about you?
Sunday, December 04, 2005
Thursday, December 01, 2005
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Baby, don't you know I love you so
Can't you feel it when we touch
I will never, never let you go
love you, oh so much
Somehow the blasted post has disappeared...
oh well...here we go again...
and baby's probably at the comp saying "I told you to save"
okay...my fault...I know...
Anyway..tuesday....TV night...CSI
weeeeeeee!
okay...I was lookinh back on my previous posts, for this year, and I have come to notice that the vocab has somewhat deteriorated and content has been rather something I would decline to speak of. Not that I have to type in bombastic words or add jargon...it's just something I noticed when I was reading them.
On to today...
I was taking the bus to work today...so happens that the 193 queue was long...as in it had extended out of its queue space and this set of people got a single decker bus. I just had to get on this bus to get to work early and leave early. Somehow I managed to squeeze myself onboard...problem being I was facing the back of the bus when the bus moved off. The bus was just so crowded I couldn't even re-orientate myself to a more stable position, so there I was in my heels, swaying as much as the crowd would allow everytime the bus came to a halt. I looked at the people on the bus...so I started wondering...which guy (yes, guy...) would stand up and offer a lady on heels a seat...and then the saying 'chivalry is dead' came to me...but then women wanted equality...so would that mean chivalry contradicts chivalry? just a thought in the morning. baby called while I was onboard the bus to tell me of his somewhat attempt at cooking cai tao kueh...needless to say the conlsion I made was that it was a disaster, but according to him the tast wasn't.
work was work...
Although I made it more bearable through reading old fanfiction while there and the typewriter made work a little more fun. What with all the trying to get the margins all the same, estimating and feeling a tiny sense of accomplishment...call me nuts but it really did. Just yesterday i was quite determined that I wanted to quit...the job had somehow become oh so unbearble. I took the calculator on my desk to see how I much I would be shortchanging myself...but when I punched in a couple of numbers...the amount of my full pay just sorta calmed me down a little...yes...the salary. So I decided to just go through teh rest of the days of work left...which is currently like 4...I end on tuesday...and then it's freedom.
I've been seeing my baby at least once a week...and everytime he pampers me so much...haha...he keeps telling me 'baby hen2 teng2 ne2 de'...and I really like it. Sunday we just went walk walking around orchard...or more like heeren and cine...told him I missed him so much so he decided that we go out and walk together a bit before he went off with the canoeists to play a bit of LAN at the e-max.
Tomorrow is my off-day and there is dance...
more stretching...more hip-hop...sounds good to me....ciao!
Can't you feel it when we touch
I will never, never let you go
love you, oh so much
Somehow the blasted post has disappeared...
oh well...here we go again...
and baby's probably at the comp saying "I told you to save"
okay...my fault...I know...
Anyway..tuesday....TV night...CSI
weeeeeeee!
okay...I was lookinh back on my previous posts, for this year, and I have come to notice that the vocab has somewhat deteriorated and content has been rather something I would decline to speak of. Not that I have to type in bombastic words or add jargon...it's just something I noticed when I was reading them.
On to today...
I was taking the bus to work today...so happens that the 193 queue was long...as in it had extended out of its queue space and this set of people got a single decker bus. I just had to get on this bus to get to work early and leave early. Somehow I managed to squeeze myself onboard...problem being I was facing the back of the bus when the bus moved off. The bus was just so crowded I couldn't even re-orientate myself to a more stable position, so there I was in my heels, swaying as much as the crowd would allow everytime the bus came to a halt. I looked at the people on the bus...so I started wondering...which guy (yes, guy...) would stand up and offer a lady on heels a seat...and then the saying 'chivalry is dead' came to me...but then women wanted equality...so would that mean chivalry contradicts chivalry? just a thought in the morning. baby called while I was onboard the bus to tell me of his somewhat attempt at cooking cai tao kueh...needless to say the conlsion I made was that it was a disaster, but according to him the tast wasn't.
work was work...
Although I made it more bearable through reading old fanfiction while there and the typewriter made work a little more fun. What with all the trying to get the margins all the same, estimating and feeling a tiny sense of accomplishment...call me nuts but it really did. Just yesterday i was quite determined that I wanted to quit...the job had somehow become oh so unbearble. I took the calculator on my desk to see how I much I would be shortchanging myself...but when I punched in a couple of numbers...the amount of my full pay just sorta calmed me down a little...yes...the salary. So I decided to just go through teh rest of the days of work left...which is currently like 4...I end on tuesday...and then it's freedom.
I've been seeing my baby at least once a week...and everytime he pampers me so much...haha...he keeps telling me 'baby hen2 teng2 ne2 de'...and I really like it. Sunday we just went walk walking around orchard...or more like heeren and cine...told him I missed him so much so he decided that we go out and walk together a bit before he went off with the canoeists to play a bit of LAN at the e-max.
Tomorrow is my off-day and there is dance...
more stretching...more hip-hop...sounds good to me....ciao!
Friday, November 25, 2005
It's finally friday!!! YAY!!!!
I never thought I could love friday more than i already did...
anyways...work today was ab-so-lute-ly horrible, horrendous, unbearable, insufferable, tortuous, unbearable...wait I already said that.
there was nothing to do...AT ALL...the lady in-charge of me didn't come...took an off-day and since I finished what she gave me yesterday (I mean...how long does it take you to file stuff???) I had nothing to do. SO I had such a hard time trying to make myself look busy in front of everybody in the office. I looked through all the 6 arch files to make sure all the right invoices were under the correct company and that didn't last long....went up and down looking for the missing invoices...completed 3...but I needed that lady to check what can be sent in the mail and what can't....so that was left somewhat undone. Luckily for me...these people hardly stay in the office much...so I was pretty much left to my own devices for quite sometime, which was good. I napped a bit too inbetween. Another good thing was this happened after lunch, so I only had like 3-4 hours left. I surfed around a bit...read blogs...and re-read a story online to save myself from the somewhat eternal boredom.
bussed home...which was rather long....bathed and played a little navyfield and now I am here. baby went to sleep at like 7.30...he's got some race tomorrow, oh well...the HUGE majority of the day was largely wasted, what with there nothing to do, when I could have just stayed at home and rest, me being sick since wednesday.
Speaking of wednesday, that day was well spent...
morning was with baby...had lunch, then dance...auditions went better than the last one, however being selected is another story altogether. After that went to watch GoF with my baby...it would have been a rather good movie for those who've read the book, I mean they would be able to connect stuff pretty well, just anticipating what the director's vision would be in the next scene. However it lacked much coherence as I said before, it would be good for those who have read the book; one particular scene I remember would be the quidditch world cup...I mean after introducing all the playes...the movie just jumped to after the match had been played...baby got a bit lost. But then again, the books are getting longer and longer, stretching into hundreds of pages... and it gets harder and harder to squeeze significant content within a 3 hour slot. The effects and drama pretty much made up for what it lacked...so it was still rather good in the end. We went to eat dinner together and then baby sent sick ol' me home.
I never thought I could love friday more than i already did...
anyways...work today was ab-so-lute-ly horrible, horrendous, unbearable, insufferable, tortuous, unbearable...wait I already said that.
there was nothing to do...AT ALL...the lady in-charge of me didn't come...took an off-day and since I finished what she gave me yesterday (I mean...how long does it take you to file stuff???) I had nothing to do. SO I had such a hard time trying to make myself look busy in front of everybody in the office. I looked through all the 6 arch files to make sure all the right invoices were under the correct company and that didn't last long....went up and down looking for the missing invoices...completed 3...but I needed that lady to check what can be sent in the mail and what can't....so that was left somewhat undone. Luckily for me...these people hardly stay in the office much...so I was pretty much left to my own devices for quite sometime, which was good. I napped a bit too inbetween. Another good thing was this happened after lunch, so I only had like 3-4 hours left. I surfed around a bit...read blogs...and re-read a story online to save myself from the somewhat eternal boredom.
bussed home...which was rather long....bathed and played a little navyfield and now I am here. baby went to sleep at like 7.30...he's got some race tomorrow, oh well...the HUGE majority of the day was largely wasted, what with there nothing to do, when I could have just stayed at home and rest, me being sick since wednesday.
Speaking of wednesday, that day was well spent...
morning was with baby...had lunch, then dance...auditions went better than the last one, however being selected is another story altogether. After that went to watch GoF with my baby...it would have been a rather good movie for those who've read the book, I mean they would be able to connect stuff pretty well, just anticipating what the director's vision would be in the next scene. However it lacked much coherence as I said before, it would be good for those who have read the book; one particular scene I remember would be the quidditch world cup...I mean after introducing all the playes...the movie just jumped to after the match had been played...baby got a bit lost. But then again, the books are getting longer and longer, stretching into hundreds of pages... and it gets harder and harder to squeeze significant content within a 3 hour slot. The effects and drama pretty much made up for what it lacked...so it was still rather good in the end. We went to eat dinner together and then baby sent sick ol' me home.
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
The pass few days has just been the usual which is work and work has been the usual...haha..
anyway, baby has been spending time with me..so my world is preeeeeeetty good now..haha
Sunday was like a whole day out...
we went out to buy mei mei a present for her birthday which was actually on saturday... baby met me after church and then we bussed to orchard and went bear hunting, cos mei mei wants a bear...yeah.
we were in centrepoint at first...but as usual all the stuff like this come at a rather "reasonable" price there.
got a bit demoralised so we decided to go eat...I had my pi dan zhou which i haven't had in a while and baby had duck rice...i took or rather he gave me some duck and i took some sauce from him and as well as a little of his soup. somehow duck soup always has this rather tangy and yet has a tinge of a metallic taste...don't really know how to describe it...it just has a rather distinct taste for it.
walked to PS dropped in on some stores to stare at things i like and can't take home with me without feeling the burn in my pocket. reached PS and then we decided since we had time to kill we'll walk all the stores we find interesting. Baby and I rather liked one...haha...more for what was in the display window. It was one of those stores where they sell house accessories like doorknobs, occasionally bathroom fixtures...what we saw was a sink cum aquarium...haha. baby was especially fascinated by it...it had the basic functions of a sink with faucet and drain....but the part which holds the basin of the sink was just hollow and converted into a fish tank. It was so pretty...haha...baby loves fish (as in live ones...) so I told him if we could have one next time, if he wanted a fish tank and it wouldn't take up too much space in the house. However I felt that the fish would have a rather terrifying time, maybe traumatising would be a better word...what with all the spitting into the sink, esp all the scrubbing of the sink when it needs cleaning, all this would be rather detrimental for the fish in it.
Walked on somemore and we saw a prospective present, a cow...it was cuddly enough for mei mei to hug...so KIV...walked somemore and saw this store with this SUPER cute bear...haha...but more expensive. now this store had some rather interesting products...haha...what with all the kinky stuff...like blow-up dolls which according to their instructions members of the opposite sex could use as a bathe tub companions haha...we then decided on the bear since mei mei wanted a one.
heehee...walked around somemore...walked back to orchard until we decided to go home...haha and then baby went to changi to meet his parents...t'was a good day and mei mei loves her bear... =) she takes it everywhere around the house with her except to bed and to dinner...haha...
I can't wait t o watch GoF...omg...haha...everyone tells me tom felton looked so hot in it...haha..esp all the suits for the yule ball..yum yum...i wonder how baby would look like in one of those...could he look anymore delicious than he already does...haha...there's dance tomorrow..yay!! Ciao reader...
anyway, baby has been spending time with me..so my world is preeeeeeetty good now..haha
Sunday was like a whole day out...
we went out to buy mei mei a present for her birthday which was actually on saturday... baby met me after church and then we bussed to orchard and went bear hunting, cos mei mei wants a bear...yeah.
we were in centrepoint at first...but as usual all the stuff like this come at a rather "reasonable" price there.
got a bit demoralised so we decided to go eat...I had my pi dan zhou which i haven't had in a while and baby had duck rice...i took or rather he gave me some duck and i took some sauce from him and as well as a little of his soup. somehow duck soup always has this rather tangy and yet has a tinge of a metallic taste...don't really know how to describe it...it just has a rather distinct taste for it.
walked to PS dropped in on some stores to stare at things i like and can't take home with me without feeling the burn in my pocket. reached PS and then we decided since we had time to kill we'll walk all the stores we find interesting. Baby and I rather liked one...haha...more for what was in the display window. It was one of those stores where they sell house accessories like doorknobs, occasionally bathroom fixtures...what we saw was a sink cum aquarium...haha. baby was especially fascinated by it...it had the basic functions of a sink with faucet and drain....but the part which holds the basin of the sink was just hollow and converted into a fish tank. It was so pretty...haha...baby loves fish (as in live ones...) so I told him if we could have one next time, if he wanted a fish tank and it wouldn't take up too much space in the house. However I felt that the fish would have a rather terrifying time, maybe traumatising would be a better word...what with all the spitting into the sink, esp all the scrubbing of the sink when it needs cleaning, all this would be rather detrimental for the fish in it.
Walked on somemore and we saw a prospective present, a cow...it was cuddly enough for mei mei to hug...so KIV...walked somemore and saw this store with this SUPER cute bear...haha...but more expensive. now this store had some rather interesting products...haha...what with all the kinky stuff...like blow-up dolls which according to their instructions members of the opposite sex could use as a bathe tub companions haha...we then decided on the bear since mei mei wanted a one.
heehee...walked around somemore...walked back to orchard until we decided to go home...haha and then baby went to changi to meet his parents...t'was a good day and mei mei loves her bear... =) she takes it everywhere around the house with her except to bed and to dinner...haha...
I can't wait t o watch GoF...omg...haha...everyone tells me tom felton looked so hot in it...haha..esp all the suits for the yule ball..yum yum...i wonder how baby would look like in one of those...could he look anymore delicious than he already does...haha...there's dance tomorrow..yay!! Ciao reader...
Monday, November 14, 2005
well...project work is gone and now I've started working...
to comment, I somehow have started to dislike the job...I was rather indifferent to it at first, after all I have worked in an office before. The first day was pretty olright...i mean i was new, so no one really paid any attention to me...more like they just wanted to leave me to my own stuff. but this little 'ignore-the-part-timer' thingie just irks me. I mean...these people don't even talk to me in the face, refuse to make eye contact with me and ignore my presence...not like i demand that they give some undivided attention but at least a decent amount of it for an average person. I just go there...sit in my little (actually rather big chair...) type, type and type...file and file stuff...and the others just talk to each other in hokkien at the other end of the room. like wtf??? the whole day for 9 hours, that's how it goes...plus my back aches for some unknown reason, no matter how i sit in that chair. I'd rather do some waitressing job...i mean i dunno, service industry...people would most probably have at least some amout of SOCIAL skill and possible for them to speak ENGLISH, perhaps even a little friendlier. plus i'll probably be able to walk around instead of just sitting in a chair, typing ceaselessly with a tired back.
Anyway...the last week ended rather well...
baby took me out for dinner on friday...we went to fish & Co. ... at jurong point since it was rather convenient for both of us. We ordered calamari and swordfish collar so we could share...sat on the outside of the restaurant, it was like some balcony thingie...so it was nice, air-con gets too cold for me nowadays...so it was just nice and although the scenery was basically HDB flats with lights coming from windows...it was rather okay. I enjoyed it so much...haha...after that we just walked around jurong point aimlessly...i just like doing that, as in the walking around thingie...especiallysince I'm saving for now. after that he took 174 home with me, well almost...we just sat and talked on the bus.
sunday, we just went for lunch and spent a large amunt of the day exploring the new national library...looking at newspapers...he telling me about soccer, looking at diving mags...haha...then we went to explore the reference section...the video rooms, microfilm, and all kinds of books with strange titles, things you never thought could be in a book and in a library and strange titles and stuff...after that we just went home...the week ended pretty well for me...wish i could have more of this haha...
dance starts wednesday, finally some essence of activity!!
to comment, I somehow have started to dislike the job...I was rather indifferent to it at first, after all I have worked in an office before. The first day was pretty olright...i mean i was new, so no one really paid any attention to me...more like they just wanted to leave me to my own stuff. but this little 'ignore-the-part-timer' thingie just irks me. I mean...these people don't even talk to me in the face, refuse to make eye contact with me and ignore my presence...not like i demand that they give some undivided attention but at least a decent amount of it for an average person. I just go there...sit in my little (actually rather big chair...) type, type and type...file and file stuff...and the others just talk to each other in hokkien at the other end of the room. like wtf??? the whole day for 9 hours, that's how it goes...plus my back aches for some unknown reason, no matter how i sit in that chair. I'd rather do some waitressing job...i mean i dunno, service industry...people would most probably have at least some amout of SOCIAL skill and possible for them to speak ENGLISH, perhaps even a little friendlier. plus i'll probably be able to walk around instead of just sitting in a chair, typing ceaselessly with a tired back.
Anyway...the last week ended rather well...
baby took me out for dinner on friday...we went to fish & Co. ... at jurong point since it was rather convenient for both of us. We ordered calamari and swordfish collar so we could share...sat on the outside of the restaurant, it was like some balcony thingie...so it was nice, air-con gets too cold for me nowadays...so it was just nice and although the scenery was basically HDB flats with lights coming from windows...it was rather okay. I enjoyed it so much...haha...after that we just walked around jurong point aimlessly...i just like doing that, as in the walking around thingie...especiallysince I'm saving for now. after that he took 174 home with me, well almost...we just sat and talked on the bus.
sunday, we just went for lunch and spent a large amunt of the day exploring the new national library...looking at newspapers...he telling me about soccer, looking at diving mags...haha...then we went to explore the reference section...the video rooms, microfilm, and all kinds of books with strange titles, things you never thought could be in a book and in a library and strange titles and stuff...after that we just went home...the week ended pretty well for me...wish i could have more of this haha...
dance starts wednesday, finally some essence of activity!!
Sunday, November 06, 2005
I'm the hottest thing in these streets...
today was rather good....
I pretty much just lazed around with op nagging on my mind...
church was okay...they had this really sweet choco fudge thingie at the refreshment table...yum yum...haha...after that went to that good peranakan restaurant which baby recommended last week to mummy. aunts thought it was pretty good, so i guess it is.
the day was quite boring actually, i know op is tomorrow, but i'm not really sure what i should actually do for it, as in...practicing is pretty much done...so i was just reading the script i wrote out..hopefully everythng goes well. i'm aiming for a 5-5 or a 5-4 at least...problem is projecting my voice. when i speak at the appropriate pace, i just suddenly become real soft...when i'm loud enough, i talk fast...so i've seriously got to figure this out...and fast.
gonna spend some quality time with my baby tomorrow...i'm happy...it's been a while since we have. he being real busy...i try to understand. however there are the times where i just become damn bitchy and insist on him being there. I dunno, for me i kinda need physical reassurance, like hugs, words...eh...do not really suffice, but i'm trying to make do with it all. I hope he understands me too.
today was rather good....
I pretty much just lazed around with op nagging on my mind...
church was okay...they had this really sweet choco fudge thingie at the refreshment table...yum yum...haha...after that went to that good peranakan restaurant which baby recommended last week to mummy. aunts thought it was pretty good, so i guess it is.
the day was quite boring actually, i know op is tomorrow, but i'm not really sure what i should actually do for it, as in...practicing is pretty much done...so i was just reading the script i wrote out..hopefully everythng goes well. i'm aiming for a 5-5 or a 5-4 at least...problem is projecting my voice. when i speak at the appropriate pace, i just suddenly become real soft...when i'm loud enough, i talk fast...so i've seriously got to figure this out...and fast.
gonna spend some quality time with my baby tomorrow...i'm happy...it's been a while since we have. he being real busy...i try to understand. however there are the times where i just become damn bitchy and insist on him being there. I dunno, for me i kinda need physical reassurance, like hugs, words...eh...do not really suffice, but i'm trying to make do with it all. I hope he understands me too.
Saturday, November 05, 2005
going to need to head out to do pw...op's on monday...It's good it's early, cause I can get it done and over with, but can I say....too early. I just feel that there are so many things to do, too many loose ends...oh well.
oh yeah...my aunties are down and they brought a lot of stuff with them as usual, went into m'sia hari raya to go shopping and eat too...and
oh yeah...my aunties are down and they brought a lot of stuff with them as usual, went into m'sia hari raya to go shopping and eat too...and
I CUT MY HAIR!!!!!
haha....like finally...after what...3 months???? baby thinks I look like a guy...haha...yesterdays pw was rather good...i think my group has improved way a lot and kudos to them all. I really hope things go well on monday and yeah...it happens just as I planned and hoped it would be.
Stayed behind yesterday to wait for my baby and his interview and then he came and played CS on arson's comp for a while...haha...omg...i swear, i love my baby so much, he's so good at everything...a person like that should be banned from earth...haha...the more i see, the more perfect he seems...haha...okay enough of that. Went for the interview and i had the uncontrollable urge to go SOMEWHERE but as usual we both didn't know where...and once again we were limited to my baby's schedule. In the end we ended up and clementi interchange...i dunno, we just sat on the 156 and it just went. It was a good time, although we didn't manage to do a lot of things...I thought the bus ride was good, i mean we haven't done it for quite a while...i miss it. baby headed of to NUS and I home...and to do my I&R...that piece of shit took me damn long...i just do not have a proper CLUE as to what exactly i'm supposed to do...haix...gtg eat my bf and then head out to sch...tata!!!
haha....like finally...after what...3 months???? baby thinks I look like a guy...haha...yesterdays pw was rather good...i think my group has improved way a lot and kudos to them all. I really hope things go well on monday and yeah...it happens just as I planned and hoped it would be.
Stayed behind yesterday to wait for my baby and his interview and then he came and played CS on arson's comp for a while...haha...omg...i swear, i love my baby so much, he's so good at everything...a person like that should be banned from earth...haha...the more i see, the more perfect he seems...haha...okay enough of that. Went for the interview and i had the uncontrollable urge to go SOMEWHERE but as usual we both didn't know where...and once again we were limited to my baby's schedule. In the end we ended up and clementi interchange...i dunno, we just sat on the 156 and it just went. It was a good time, although we didn't manage to do a lot of things...I thought the bus ride was good, i mean we haven't done it for quite a while...i miss it. baby headed of to NUS and I home...and to do my I&R...that piece of shit took me damn long...i just do not have a proper CLUE as to what exactly i'm supposed to do...haix...gtg eat my bf and then head out to sch...tata!!!
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
it's a double holiday this week...just that there's a break in between the holidays...causing a break in the holiday momentum, which I so dislike.
today has been rather productive...i mean for project work, we managed to do a lot of things. practice and improve the op and do the group presentation as well. I really hope everything works out okay, I mean the remark miss koh made about how it was so hard to even make it to meeeting expectations...it's just demoralising. maybe saying it much earlier might have been a much greater help for all of us. but i seriously have no idea why they had to moderate it until even average achievement is so hard to attain. some teachers might say that it's not impossible, but you know what that's not the point.
enough about ptoject work...it's seriously driving me crazy. i feel that i can't get my mind of it. got this interview for being a facilitator for orientation next year. I want that to work out too...i feel that i should not have much of a problem with it...but it's not wrong to have a few reservations i guess. chinese 'A's are also over...i can't say how bad it was...i mean wtf....why the hell did i study all that shit inside that file for...i mean not even a single word came out from there. why did i spend so much time writing those word, getting all worked up about how i may forget how to write it or that i might forget it's meaning? all unneccessary worrying, because it pretty much came to naught, and i guess the 'A' is as far away as the horizon is from the beach. excuse my french.
baby's gone home...I've been feeling quite upset. I dunno, i mean i feel so pathetic that i keep wanting some attention from him during this period of time. He wants to play soccer; i don't say anything, want to go play LAN; i don't say anything, wants to go home first; i know he's tired so I don't make any remarks about it. I don't want to be demanding and force him to spend time with me or make him wait fo me when he's so tired and i don't want to keep him from his friends so....yeah...he's also got so much stuff to do, so i try to understand...so i try not to demand too much, i don't want to push him away by making him do things he doesn't want to do....so i usually let him have his way. I guess i just need some reassurance and maybe words across the phone are not good enough for me, i don't know...but what i do know is i just need a hug...it somehow always seems to make things feel or seem better. do i have to pay him to give me one? would extorting one work?
maybe once i get used to not having him around, everything would be much better, but wouldn't that spell trouble? i have no idea, hopefully this whole thing turns out for the better. I don't want to loose my independence in this relationship, more importantly i don't want to loose myself in it and forget who i am...maybe i'm becoming too dependent on him? we've somehow run out of stuff to do, stuff to talk about out, places to go;we usually just end up with quite an amount of tension deciding...it just seems to be getting all weird...all we seem to talk about is games, school, do you miss me, do you love me...blahblah...nothing else much. is it wrong to say I'm a bit worried?
maybe we started off too early, maybe we don't know each other as well as i should or maybe we don't know each other as well as we think we do. somehow i'm very afraid that he didn't know what he was getting himself into, and now that he does....he might not be able to take the emotional baggage that is me and decide to pack up and leave. i'm gonna play some NF and not think about this and maybe if i can bring my emotional drive down a notch or more, this would solve itself...for better or for worse...
today has been rather productive...i mean for project work, we managed to do a lot of things. practice and improve the op and do the group presentation as well. I really hope everything works out okay, I mean the remark miss koh made about how it was so hard to even make it to meeeting expectations...it's just demoralising. maybe saying it much earlier might have been a much greater help for all of us. but i seriously have no idea why they had to moderate it until even average achievement is so hard to attain. some teachers might say that it's not impossible, but you know what that's not the point.
enough about ptoject work...it's seriously driving me crazy. i feel that i can't get my mind of it. got this interview for being a facilitator for orientation next year. I want that to work out too...i feel that i should not have much of a problem with it...but it's not wrong to have a few reservations i guess. chinese 'A's are also over...i can't say how bad it was...i mean wtf....why the hell did i study all that shit inside that file for...i mean not even a single word came out from there. why did i spend so much time writing those word, getting all worked up about how i may forget how to write it or that i might forget it's meaning? all unneccessary worrying, because it pretty much came to naught, and i guess the 'A' is as far away as the horizon is from the beach. excuse my french.
baby's gone home...I've been feeling quite upset. I dunno, i mean i feel so pathetic that i keep wanting some attention from him during this period of time. He wants to play soccer; i don't say anything, want to go play LAN; i don't say anything, wants to go home first; i know he's tired so I don't make any remarks about it. I don't want to be demanding and force him to spend time with me or make him wait fo me when he's so tired and i don't want to keep him from his friends so....yeah...he's also got so much stuff to do, so i try to understand...so i try not to demand too much, i don't want to push him away by making him do things he doesn't want to do....so i usually let him have his way. I guess i just need some reassurance and maybe words across the phone are not good enough for me, i don't know...but what i do know is i just need a hug...it somehow always seems to make things feel or seem better. do i have to pay him to give me one? would extorting one work?
maybe once i get used to not having him around, everything would be much better, but wouldn't that spell trouble? i have no idea, hopefully this whole thing turns out for the better. I don't want to loose my independence in this relationship, more importantly i don't want to loose myself in it and forget who i am...maybe i'm becoming too dependent on him? we've somehow run out of stuff to do, stuff to talk about out, places to go;we usually just end up with quite an amount of tension deciding...it just seems to be getting all weird...all we seem to talk about is games, school, do you miss me, do you love me...blahblah...nothing else much. is it wrong to say I'm a bit worried?
maybe we started off too early, maybe we don't know each other as well as i should or maybe we don't know each other as well as we think we do. somehow i'm very afraid that he didn't know what he was getting himself into, and now that he does....he might not be able to take the emotional baggage that is me and decide to pack up and leave. i'm gonna play some NF and not think about this and maybe if i can bring my emotional drive down a notch or more, this would solve itself...for better or for worse...
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
I'm drowning in PW...it's absolutely taking over my life. Had the dry run for OP and needless to say it was horrible, nwevousness I hope...and I hope it's not us. anyway...yeah, spent some time with my baby, his physics olympiad didn't go too well yesterday...haha..but he's okay with it. He's still got chemistry olympiad anyway, he should do well for it...and there's still that exchange programme he's going to be doing for the school, which he'll be away for like 10 days. my busy little boy...haha...feeling good about it and a little selfish. selfish because he's not going to be spending a lot of time with me during the school hols...oh well...I don't know. an
anyway baby and I were talking today about hamsters...haha...weird right...okay, at least I think it was weird. I mean talks about those little rodents??? anyway, it was rather weird, we were just talking about the hamster hibernating and I said what if the other hamster couldn't hibernate cos the other was snoring. Then we went on to picking on their small minds....like if you put two hamsters on two different wheels facing each other..they'd be wondering why they never met....haha...the wheel came up because baby said I needed to go exercise. Then we said something about, hjamster wheel 3000...haha...instead of playstation, they'd either have hamster station or wheel station...haha...it was so funny just sitting there talking about it. he's going to play LAN tomorrow with his classmates, so I guess I'll be heading home alone after chinese....I still have the stupid I&R to do and dinner to eat...tata.
anyway baby and I were talking today about hamsters...haha...weird right...okay, at least I think it was weird. I mean talks about those little rodents??? anyway, it was rather weird, we were just talking about the hamster hibernating and I said what if the other hamster couldn't hibernate cos the other was snoring. Then we went on to picking on their small minds....like if you put two hamsters on two different wheels facing each other..they'd be wondering why they never met....haha...the wheel came up because baby said I needed to go exercise. Then we said something about, hjamster wheel 3000...haha...instead of playstation, they'd either have hamster station or wheel station...haha...it was so funny just sitting there talking about it. he's going to play LAN tomorrow with his classmates, so I guess I'll be heading home alone after chinese....I still have the stupid I&R to do and dinner to eat...tata.
Sunday, October 23, 2005
today's been extremely good...just sitting at home...play a little computer, study a bit of chinese, watch some good television and just talk to my baby. We're back to normal...okay, maybe normal isn't the word...more like we've patched up, and it sure feels good..haha...I guess the good thing is we patch up fast. Need to sort out my I&R though...I'm drowning in project work....I seriously want it to go well, especially the oral presentation.
I actually need to do some work during the hols...my physics needs a real lift and I need to refresh my knowledge on chem, haha...it being my bestest subject and all. I guess this is year isn't so bad after all..haha...looking back on it..baby made it all so good. I'll think about this later, not forgetting I still need to be working haha...hmmm.
I actually need to do some work during the hols...my physics needs a real lift and I need to refresh my knowledge on chem, haha...it being my bestest subject and all. I guess this is year isn't so bad after all..haha...looking back on it..baby made it all so good. I'll think about this later, not forgetting I still need to be working haha...hmmm.
Saturday, October 22, 2005
I'm up at 8, just couldn't sleep...which is unusual or more like eccentric for me, I've become so tired recently...I mean I absolutely shouldn't be up at this time.
I just hate it when we quarrel...it's happening more often than usual. Just that they don't last long...their usually short and brief. Whatever it is, it's got me going. I feel worried. Insecure. Vulnerable.
I don't know...I just got frustrated with the damn game last night which sorta set things off...he hung up... and I continued playing and 10.30 called him again. He didn't sound too happy, I won't blame him for that but the monotony in the tone...just put me in a bad mood. Yeah, he says he was just saying 'hello' nicely...he always says it like that...liar. Let me just say if you're not lying to me about it....then you better fucking swear by it if you have the guts, don't come and tell me shit like 'I'm switching to speaker phone'. If I had a penny every time you said 'hello' like that I'd be in poverty...SERIOUSLY.
I just lay in bed thinking of a lot of things last night after he hung up. Maybe I started imagining things, maybe insecure perhaps....I know he's busy and all that, he keeps telling me all this stuff the school's offering him, I've been trying to keep the envy at bay and I'm sincerely happy for him...but lately he just seems disinterested, okay maybe not disinterested...maybe sorta can't be bothered with me a little. I come down to his class in the morning as usual, and he'll see me...put on the happy little cute face that I love...and then I'll sit next to him and then he'll just go and talk to his classmates. I can handle that as long as he doesn't forget that I'm there. I usually just end up going back to class later, at least when I go back to class people there talk to me. I mean after all, so what if everyone knows me in his class, SO WHAT!!!! They're not exactly people who I TALK to very much. I seriously don't mind coming downstairs, but maybe YOU just shouldn't leave me hanging there. I mean, you make me look like a moron, okay, more like an idiot! Yesterday, I was looking at this board outside the pe room and then he just suddenly walked off to the soccer court without saying anything, I intended to follow but decided against it. I don't know why...It's not like I'm expecting him to tell me wherever he's going, just that if we are anywhere together, at least if he's going to break off and go somewhere else then at least tell me. Please, I do that with my friends...it's like common courtesy...you don't just leave someone hanging like that it not only hurts the person's feelings and it's damn rude too.
He's better in a lot of things than I am, I seriously have a hard time keeping up, but I don't make noise about it. Sure I whine about my grades and stuff, and all the stuff like that, somehow I feel he doesn't think very much of me, in terms of of intelligence. He keeps telling me things like' you're smart...you're not stupid', now I wonder how much of this is true. I seriously hope he doesn't just thinking that he just picked up this "bimbo" to pass the time or boost his ego. I don't mind if he's happy he's beaten me in all my grades, because he just IS smarter than me no matter what...but I wish he'd just think about some things he says. I mean like the way he judged my written report...'I'll bet it's in a mess'...I DON'T CARE if he was saying that it reflects the lousy teacher that I have...I'M DOING IT...so I would damn well appreciate it if YOU have some FUCKING COMFIDENCE IN ME, which I seriously doubt you do. The times when he says, 'I knew you couldn't do it' or 'I knew you wouldn't get it' like yeah, that ab-so-lute-ly shows the GIGANTUOUS amount of confidence you have in me. I mean come on...I never said anything like that to you about GP, 'haha...I knew you wouldn't be able to do this question'. Maybe you don't know me well enough to know that I'm quite sensitive to things like that.
what happened to I'll run the race with you? you push me, I'll push you? It just seems like you left me for dead and sped on ahead, like I was some burden to you for the past 7 months and 6 days. Somehow I feel that we work better apart; no pressure from you and I'l be of no hindrance to you, than if we were to work together. I once asked a question...'do you think we're invincible together?'...perhaps I got the answer but I chose not to hear it? I know you're busy, I understand, since when have I not? since when have I not given you the space you wanted? I'm not saying I'm the perfect girlfriend, neither do I think that I've been a bad one. I'm not here to put the blame on anyone, but if it makes you feel any better my baby, it was my fault, I started the fight last night and I'm sorry. What about the rest?
I just hate it when we quarrel...it's happening more often than usual. Just that they don't last long...their usually short and brief. Whatever it is, it's got me going. I feel worried. Insecure. Vulnerable.
I don't know...I just got frustrated with the damn game last night which sorta set things off...he hung up... and I continued playing and 10.30 called him again. He didn't sound too happy, I won't blame him for that but the monotony in the tone...just put me in a bad mood. Yeah, he says he was just saying 'hello' nicely...he always says it like that...liar. Let me just say if you're not lying to me about it....then you better fucking swear by it if you have the guts, don't come and tell me shit like 'I'm switching to speaker phone'. If I had a penny every time you said 'hello' like that I'd be in poverty...SERIOUSLY.
I just lay in bed thinking of a lot of things last night after he hung up. Maybe I started imagining things, maybe insecure perhaps....I know he's busy and all that, he keeps telling me all this stuff the school's offering him, I've been trying to keep the envy at bay and I'm sincerely happy for him...but lately he just seems disinterested, okay maybe not disinterested...maybe sorta can't be bothered with me a little. I come down to his class in the morning as usual, and he'll see me...put on the happy little cute face that I love...and then I'll sit next to him and then he'll just go and talk to his classmates. I can handle that as long as he doesn't forget that I'm there. I usually just end up going back to class later, at least when I go back to class people there talk to me. I mean after all, so what if everyone knows me in his class, SO WHAT!!!! They're not exactly people who I TALK to very much. I seriously don't mind coming downstairs, but maybe YOU just shouldn't leave me hanging there. I mean, you make me look like a moron, okay, more like an idiot! Yesterday, I was looking at this board outside the pe room and then he just suddenly walked off to the soccer court without saying anything, I intended to follow but decided against it. I don't know why...It's not like I'm expecting him to tell me wherever he's going, just that if we are anywhere together, at least if he's going to break off and go somewhere else then at least tell me. Please, I do that with my friends...it's like common courtesy...you don't just leave someone hanging like that it not only hurts the person's feelings and it's damn rude too.
He's better in a lot of things than I am, I seriously have a hard time keeping up, but I don't make noise about it. Sure I whine about my grades and stuff, and all the stuff like that, somehow I feel he doesn't think very much of me, in terms of of intelligence. He keeps telling me things like' you're smart...you're not stupid', now I wonder how much of this is true. I seriously hope he doesn't just thinking that he just picked up this "bimbo" to pass the time or boost his ego. I don't mind if he's happy he's beaten me in all my grades, because he just IS smarter than me no matter what...but I wish he'd just think about some things he says. I mean like the way he judged my written report...'I'll bet it's in a mess'...I DON'T CARE if he was saying that it reflects the lousy teacher that I have...I'M DOING IT...so I would damn well appreciate it if YOU have some FUCKING COMFIDENCE IN ME, which I seriously doubt you do. The times when he says, 'I knew you couldn't do it' or 'I knew you wouldn't get it' like yeah, that ab-so-lute-ly shows the GIGANTUOUS amount of confidence you have in me. I mean come on...I never said anything like that to you about GP, 'haha...I knew you wouldn't be able to do this question'. Maybe you don't know me well enough to know that I'm quite sensitive to things like that.
what happened to I'll run the race with you? you push me, I'll push you? It just seems like you left me for dead and sped on ahead, like I was some burden to you for the past 7 months and 6 days. Somehow I feel that we work better apart; no pressure from you and I'l be of no hindrance to you, than if we were to work together. I once asked a question...'do you think we're invincible together?'...perhaps I got the answer but I chose not to hear it? I know you're busy, I understand, since when have I not? since when have I not given you the space you wanted? I'm not saying I'm the perfect girlfriend, neither do I think that I've been a bad one. I'm not here to put the blame on anyone, but if it makes you feel any better my baby, it was my fault, I started the fight last night and I'm sorry. What about the rest?
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
My Tragic Flaw
by Ephram BrownThe more things change, the more they stay the same. I'm not sure who the first person was who said that. Probably Shakespeare. Or maybe Sting. But at the moment, it's the sentence that best explains my tragic flaw: my inability to change.
I don't think I'm alone in this. The more I get to know other people, the more I realize it's kind of everyone's flaw. Staying exactly the same for as long as possible, standing perfectly still... It feels better somehow. And if you are suffering, at least the pain is familiar. Because if you took that leap of faith, went outside the box, did something unexpected... Who knows what other pain might be waiting out there. Chances are it could be even worse.
So you maintain the status quo. Choose the road already traveled and it doesn't seem that bad. Not as far as flaws go. You're not a drug addict. You're not killing anyone... Except maybe yourself a little.
When we finally do change, I don't think it happens like an earthquake or an explosion, where all of a sudden we're like this different person. I think it's smaller than that. The kind of thing most people wouldn't even notice unless they looked at us really, really close. Which, thank God, they never do. But you notice it. Inside you that change feels like a world of difference. And you hope this is it. This is the person you get to be forever... that you'll never have to change again.
the promo results are out, the eagerness and anxiety to know what a years work has been worth is gone. For some it is somewhat the end of the line; seeing as they cannot promote, for some people like me, there is the disappointment of not getting what I wanted. I guess if I think about it...I've not really been spoilt in life, with the exception that I have parents, a roof over my head and all that stuff...but in terms of grades I've always got what I wanted till recently.
I will admit that I have high expectations, but are they unrealistic? To me, an A is not hard to get, and when I do the paper, it's like I feel that I've gotten it. However, it just never appears, if it does...it somehow reflects or at least I have the impression that I am just mediocre. I have always had this great dream, vision, whatever you call it, that I'll be amazing and do amazing things, like be super successful, and be rich or something...but the numbers and alphabets just seem to push it farther and farther away. you may think I'm just stupid or myopic to think a couple of numbers and alphabets should define my future and what I may end up like, but I suppose they have a rather profound impact on a person like me. They just drive me absolutely crazy, no one or at least few look at the jump you made or the work put in...they just want the story short and sweet . It is true what I said in a previous post, improvement is often ignored or overlooked by the disappointment we experience, I guess for me...it would be the hardest thing to overcome.
this overwhelming urge and compulsion to do well may well have its negative effects, I'm so scared what I may become or how I would change should this persist...but somehow I just can't stop it. I have NO idea how it progressed to such a stage...it absolutely baffles me...is there something wrong with me? or is it just that I'm overreacting? I don't know...
Baby's doing so well that I am immensely proud of him and of the niche he made for himself in CJC, despite the fact of him being in a place where he knew very few of the people. All the competitions, grades and programmes he's been selected for...I just can't help being proud that I have such an amazing boyfriend...haha...I mean seriously, I never thought I'd be so lucky as to find someone like him. However there's always the 'but'....the envy I experience whenever he tells me all this stuff...its like my dream just superimposed itself onto him, like I dunno...he got to it first before I did, so I'm like the loser in the race or something or I'm just fated to be just like those parents who have to watch their children become what they always wanted to be, but in this case...I'm watching the person I love and admire so much live out what I always wanted to be. I keep telling myself things like 'I just have to work harder', 'I just take a little longer to get there...but eventually I WILL get there and when I do, I would shock the world' after all this time, I have started to doubt how truth there is in those to sentences. I just keep thinking that I am the only one who can help myself out of this rut...and this is just one DAMN long road that I may just feel like not wanting to get up anymore and just set up camp there for the next few decades.
I want my turn....
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
We're taught to remember only the significant moments – the rites of passage. In truth, the smallest steps that get us to these momentous occasions are just as significant. Looking back, we see it's not just the high points, but the low points that also define who we are and who we will become.
-EVERWOOD, "Your Future Awaits"
I'm really busy now, multi-tasking...haha...
yakking on the phone with my baby, eating dinner and blogging...
baby got me to download this game, and I'm currently hooked...not that deep yet,just the excitement of wanting to get home and grab my father's comp and start playing...cos my home comp is STUPID!! the monitor is out cold...
anyway, the past 2 days was just post-exam enrichment activities...never liked why they called it that...it just sounds so educational, if you get my drift. Wouldn't games day be so much easier to say? first day our class played handball...that was the best...haha...we practically owned everyone...trashed all of them, the biggest win being 6-0...kudos to the guys and their wonderful basketball skills, which are just absolutely amazing. The goal-keeping by cumar, tyrik and ashley was superb too. Tyrik and cumar were a surprise...I mean tyrik is like damn skinny, to think he could defend such a goal post...haha...and not get smashed in...cumar...I mean that was just a surprise. ashley and his header-goalkeeping during the girl's games.
today was just captain's ball and frisbee. captain's ball started out well, but then the walkover by t28 didn't go well, but it was a good fight, especially by t28. wandered around after that, went to see my baby play touch rugby and walked somemore, and then I got roped in for frisbee...which was the last game. We won that by 2 but that was just for fun. baby didn't win his touch rugby, his class got second...I still love you...haha. bussed to papa's office where baby and I spent time together, watched iRobot and then read books for a while and napped at the table. baby looks so sweet when he sleeps...haha...so peaceful..I just like to watch...I dunno. baby went home at 5.30 while I stayed on and continued to read my book, nap, and talk to my baby somewhere in that time frame.
It was a good day, I liked it quite some, with the exception of having to be under the sun the whole time...my FACE is ab-so-lute-ly red! I mean, no matter how much I seek for the shade or hide from the sun, it somehow manages to get me...it's rays somehow manage to seep through the gaps of shelter and get me... =( ...I don't want to be red anymore and I DON'T WANT TO PEEL...NONONO!!!
-EVERWOOD, "Your Future Awaits"
I'm really busy now, multi-tasking...haha...
yakking on the phone with my baby, eating dinner and blogging...
baby got me to download this game, and I'm currently hooked...not that deep yet,just the excitement of wanting to get home and grab my father's comp and start playing...cos my home comp is STUPID!! the monitor is out cold...
anyway, the past 2 days was just post-exam enrichment activities...never liked why they called it that...it just sounds so educational, if you get my drift. Wouldn't games day be so much easier to say? first day our class played handball...that was the best...haha...we practically owned everyone...trashed all of them, the biggest win being 6-0...kudos to the guys and their wonderful basketball skills, which are just absolutely amazing. The goal-keeping by cumar, tyrik and ashley was superb too. Tyrik and cumar were a surprise...I mean tyrik is like damn skinny, to think he could defend such a goal post...haha...and not get smashed in...cumar...I mean that was just a surprise. ashley and his header-goalkeeping during the girl's games.
today was just captain's ball and frisbee. captain's ball started out well, but then the walkover by t28 didn't go well, but it was a good fight, especially by t28. wandered around after that, went to see my baby play touch rugby and walked somemore, and then I got roped in for frisbee...which was the last game. We won that by 2 but that was just for fun. baby didn't win his touch rugby, his class got second...I still love you...haha. bussed to papa's office where baby and I spent time together, watched iRobot and then read books for a while and napped at the table. baby looks so sweet when he sleeps...haha...so peaceful..I just like to watch...I dunno. baby went home at 5.30 while I stayed on and continued to read my book, nap, and talk to my baby somewhere in that time frame.
It was a good day, I liked it quite some, with the exception of having to be under the sun the whole time...my FACE is ab-so-lute-ly red! I mean, no matter how much I seek for the shade or hide from the sun, it somehow manages to get me...it's rays somehow manage to seep through the gaps of shelter and get me... =( ...I don't want to be red anymore and I DON'T WANT TO PEEL...NONONO!!!
Thursday, October 06, 2005
Dreams are our world turned upside down. Gravity, logic, time rendered meaningless. The world of dreams is not our world. Although, at the dead of night, it attempts and deceives. Daring us to see the difference.
This is what makes dreams so dangerous.
-EVERWOOD, "The Day is Done"
okay...promos are like officially over...YAY!!
I must say, this stretch does feel good...haha...I guess God has helped me significantly, so I thank him for walking through this and enabling me to do my best, I just have a good feeling about this. I hope I'm right...
Anyway, had so much fun today....haha...after physics, went for NE and current affairs quiz, not much of a difference from the mid-year...haha. after that met my baby and joined sean and lisa for lunch, and this was the good part...haha...somehow a couple of the canoeists came to join us and we ended up talking about stuff, girls and boys...being crude here and there, talking about stuff like how guys screw with each other in the toilet, haha...omg....it was just laughing and laughing...and to think we were sitting so near a group of teachers....haha. I like stuff like this, it's like talking with the girls back in IJ just for laughs, just that this time the majority are guys. I miss it...
CJC open house...well, it's impending...somehow I really have NO IDEA why any of the IJ girls would want to come here, here as in CJ...maybe it's because, the mindset of CJC being a safety net for all catholic schools is still there so there's no need to come to a place where you'll end up in anyway, or maybe I'm jusy not very proud of where I come from.
Perhaps I don't think anyone would come here due to the class I came from, I mean triple science people usually wouldn't think of coming to CJC, most of the people from my class in sec 4 wanted so much to go to VJ, HC, RJ, some NJ...nothing less than that. For us to even speak of going to CJC was like taboo. I even still recall people saying, that it was alright if they didn't make the mark, they'll just go to CJ and then go from there, like CJC was like a stepping stone, or like some rite of passage to a better life, out of poverty.
I guess I am proud that CJC is coming up slowly, however some or a large majority of the public just doesn't see that. They have chosen to stay in the time where CJC was the dumping ground for those who were desperate to get into a JC and the one with the highest abortion rate (although that was like eons ago...). Reality only seems to hit them when the qualify for a JC but can't get into CJC...my little sister has just realised that the cut-off point is going to be 11 when she graduates from IJ and even worries about qualifying. I'm not saying that everyone should go to CJC, but that I somehow cannot stay quiet when the sterotyped viewing of the dumping ground is brought up when people talk about JCs. To see improvements is often hard, people tend to see what's on the surface. Improvements are usually noticed when expectations are not met and yet they do not suffice, it just doesn't seem to ease the disappointment.
I guess if a person were to let go of predjudices, look deeper within and open our minds I think even a school like CJC ,with what we have, would even be able to measure up to a school like RJ, or hwa chong, even NJ. If a man is willing to help himsself, I am sure that god will help him, to have god on our side should count for something...haha...
This is what makes dreams so dangerous.
-EVERWOOD, "The Day is Done"
okay...promos are like officially over...YAY!!
I must say, this stretch does feel good...haha...I guess God has helped me significantly, so I thank him for walking through this and enabling me to do my best, I just have a good feeling about this. I hope I'm right...
Anyway, had so much fun today....haha...after physics, went for NE and current affairs quiz, not much of a difference from the mid-year...haha. after that met my baby and joined sean and lisa for lunch, and this was the good part...haha...somehow a couple of the canoeists came to join us and we ended up talking about stuff, girls and boys...being crude here and there, talking about stuff like how guys screw with each other in the toilet, haha...omg....it was just laughing and laughing...and to think we were sitting so near a group of teachers....haha. I like stuff like this, it's like talking with the girls back in IJ just for laughs, just that this time the majority are guys. I miss it...
CJC open house...well, it's impending...somehow I really have NO IDEA why any of the IJ girls would want to come here, here as in CJ...maybe it's because, the mindset of CJC being a safety net for all catholic schools is still there so there's no need to come to a place where you'll end up in anyway, or maybe I'm jusy not very proud of where I come from.
Perhaps I don't think anyone would come here due to the class I came from, I mean triple science people usually wouldn't think of coming to CJC, most of the people from my class in sec 4 wanted so much to go to VJ, HC, RJ, some NJ...nothing less than that. For us to even speak of going to CJC was like taboo. I even still recall people saying, that it was alright if they didn't make the mark, they'll just go to CJ and then go from there, like CJC was like a stepping stone, or like some rite of passage to a better life, out of poverty.
I guess I am proud that CJC is coming up slowly, however some or a large majority of the public just doesn't see that. They have chosen to stay in the time where CJC was the dumping ground for those who were desperate to get into a JC and the one with the highest abortion rate (although that was like eons ago...). Reality only seems to hit them when the qualify for a JC but can't get into CJC...my little sister has just realised that the cut-off point is going to be 11 when she graduates from IJ and even worries about qualifying. I'm not saying that everyone should go to CJC, but that I somehow cannot stay quiet when the sterotyped viewing of the dumping ground is brought up when people talk about JCs. To see improvements is often hard, people tend to see what's on the surface. Improvements are usually noticed when expectations are not met and yet they do not suffice, it just doesn't seem to ease the disappointment.
I guess if a person were to let go of predjudices, look deeper within and open our minds I think even a school like CJC ,with what we have, would even be able to measure up to a school like RJ, or hwa chong, even NJ. If a man is willing to help himsself, I am sure that god will help him, to have god on our side should count for something...haha...
Friday, September 30, 2005
Thank you to my baby for making this birthday so special to me....just to have you around makes me so happy. You make me feel like the luckiest girl in the world :)...haha...I hope that I would be able to spend the rest of my birthdays with you....muakz!! I love you!!!
Thanks trevin, jeanette, 'manda, nat, sheryl and my mummy for all the birthday wishes...they are all well appreciated, much love to you all.
Thanks trevin, jeanette, 'manda, nat, sheryl and my mummy for all the birthday wishes...they are all well appreciated, much love to you all.
Thursday, September 29, 2005
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TREVIN!!!
I'm currently supposed to be on hiatus from all this blogging, but I'm taking a little break for now...hmmmmmmmm....and this relaxing thing is good, my body's been feeling so crammed up...it makes me want to stretch and stretch, maybe it's cause of the studying or something...I will need to motivate myself back to the books after dinner.
If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all
I never know what the future brings
But I know you are here with me now
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
If don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?
I don't know why you’re so far away
But I know that this much is true
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life
I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side
I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
I'm currently supposed to be on hiatus from all this blogging, but I'm taking a little break for now...hmmmmmmmm....and this relaxing thing is good, my body's been feeling so crammed up...it makes me want to stretch and stretch, maybe it's cause of the studying or something...I will need to motivate myself back to the books after dinner.
If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all
I never know what the future brings
But I know you are here with me now
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
If don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?
I don't know why you’re so far away
But I know that this much is true
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life
I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side
I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
Friday, September 16, 2005
One cup of love
A dash of lust
A dash of mystery
One tablespoon of sweetness
One teaspoon of envy
One teaspoon of bitterness
1/2 cup of companionship
HAPPY SIXTH MONTH ANNIVERSARY TO MY BABY AND ME!
haha...
somehow that sounded a bit awkward to me...
seeing as I've never had anything to do with such a thing my entire lifetime till now.
The sixth months have been eventful...full of ups and downs like any normal relationship and as well as an emotional rollercoaster for the both of us.
One does not have to be compelled to have a boyfriend...I mean he/it (depending on how you view him) should not be a fashion accessory for you, I would not consider that a relationship, maybe more towards the lines of a compromise.
I'm not trying to perpetrate the ideas of the government 'get married, don't just have kids, have more than 3' or to tell you 'get a boyfriend' but I feel all that I have experienced in these six months are something I would not have been able to experience with my friends or family. It may seem the same, but as aways there's that element of uniqueness.
Through this time, you begin to realise that there isn't just one person anymore...there's 2 of you....so whatever strong desires of independence you have, much of that has to be left behind. Sure there are elements of independence, I mean you can't be together all the time, both parties must have be able to function alone to a certain extent, but now that there's 2 people now, there has to be an element of 'the other above self'. One thing that I'm constantly reminded of by my baby would be to take care of myself. At first i had thought that it didn't matter much, but then if you think again, it's not as simple as that. IF I were to fall ill, he would be affected too, worried and although its cliche, he would have to take care of me and if he were to fall ill, there would be no one to take care of either one of us. If I were feeling upset or one of us was, then both of us would be feel, in a way, inadequate, because no one likes to see anyone unhappy or sad and worst still, in my case, you just don't want to tell what's wrong, the other would just feel frustrated. There is a sort of realisation that whatever you do, you are accountable to your other.
2 people from 2 different backgrounds, would have different idealogies and ways of doing things. There are times when we should just accept the other parties way of doing things and there are times which we should just speak up and correct them and yet one should not become too critical of the other. open-mindedness comes into play as well. I have learned that we should not be closed to each other's suggestions, be it our attitude, academics or when just having fun and yet we should not be trying to turn the other party into an exact copy of yourself, just because you find the way they do things strange. At the same time we should maintain that sense of uniqueness from each other, so that both may have some sense of superiority from the other, and add some sense of balance to the relationship, opposites attract for the basic reason of making up for what the other party lacks.
Finding time to spend together is not easy to come by, being students our main job would be to study and get good grades and the curriculum in his case is rather heavy, so I think through the six months, time has been rather precious to both of us. Even little things like taking a bus home together, although it is rather short, we still do it and I think it helps in a way. I think I've learnt to treasure him more and as well as the time we have together.
There are a good deal of good stuff, but of course there's the disagreements. One being our schools, his being rather secular and mine religious-based...I get quite defensive about it cos different schools have different ways of doing things so and he and I are proud of where we come from, our heritage, both trying to outdo each other...but I've learnt to just let it go. I for one don't think it's very fair, I mean our schools have different ideals, and the way things are done is not exactly the same so, whenever he says something, I just dismiss it or try to refrain from commenting.
For me the issue on jealousy crops up here and thereonce in a while, maybe jealousy is too strong, envy perhaps? It's quite a change for me, other than my sec 3 & 4 class, I have not come across someone so close to me who is that smart. I'm pretty competitive, so yeah, it get's a bit demoralising as it progresses, but to turn it into motivation would be the best...haha...( baby are you reading this???). At the same time I'm so proud of him, somehow I feel a good sense of pride when people say I'm so lucky to have him....people tell me how smart he is, how he's so sweet to me and all that stuff...haha... I love my baby so much!
A dash of lust
A dash of mystery
One tablespoon of sweetness
One teaspoon of envy
One teaspoon of bitterness
1/2 cup of companionship
HAPPY SIXTH MONTH ANNIVERSARY TO MY BABY AND ME!
haha...
somehow that sounded a bit awkward to me...
seeing as I've never had anything to do with such a thing my entire lifetime till now.
The sixth months have been eventful...full of ups and downs like any normal relationship and as well as an emotional rollercoaster for the both of us.
One does not have to be compelled to have a boyfriend...I mean he/it (depending on how you view him) should not be a fashion accessory for you, I would not consider that a relationship, maybe more towards the lines of a compromise.
I'm not trying to perpetrate the ideas of the government 'get married, don't just have kids, have more than 3' or to tell you 'get a boyfriend' but I feel all that I have experienced in these six months are something I would not have been able to experience with my friends or family. It may seem the same, but as aways there's that element of uniqueness.
Through this time, you begin to realise that there isn't just one person anymore...there's 2 of you....so whatever strong desires of independence you have, much of that has to be left behind. Sure there are elements of independence, I mean you can't be together all the time, both parties must have be able to function alone to a certain extent, but now that there's 2 people now, there has to be an element of 'the other above self'. One thing that I'm constantly reminded of by my baby would be to take care of myself. At first i had thought that it didn't matter much, but then if you think again, it's not as simple as that. IF I were to fall ill, he would be affected too, worried and although its cliche, he would have to take care of me and if he were to fall ill, there would be no one to take care of either one of us. If I were feeling upset or one of us was, then both of us would be feel, in a way, inadequate, because no one likes to see anyone unhappy or sad and worst still, in my case, you just don't want to tell what's wrong, the other would just feel frustrated. There is a sort of realisation that whatever you do, you are accountable to your other.
2 people from 2 different backgrounds, would have different idealogies and ways of doing things. There are times when we should just accept the other parties way of doing things and there are times which we should just speak up and correct them and yet one should not become too critical of the other. open-mindedness comes into play as well. I have learned that we should not be closed to each other's suggestions, be it our attitude, academics or when just having fun and yet we should not be trying to turn the other party into an exact copy of yourself, just because you find the way they do things strange. At the same time we should maintain that sense of uniqueness from each other, so that both may have some sense of superiority from the other, and add some sense of balance to the relationship, opposites attract for the basic reason of making up for what the other party lacks.
Finding time to spend together is not easy to come by, being students our main job would be to study and get good grades and the curriculum in his case is rather heavy, so I think through the six months, time has been rather precious to both of us. Even little things like taking a bus home together, although it is rather short, we still do it and I think it helps in a way. I think I've learnt to treasure him more and as well as the time we have together.
There are a good deal of good stuff, but of course there's the disagreements. One being our schools, his being rather secular and mine religious-based...I get quite defensive about it cos different schools have different ways of doing things so and he and I are proud of where we come from, our heritage, both trying to outdo each other...but I've learnt to just let it go. I for one don't think it's very fair, I mean our schools have different ideals, and the way things are done is not exactly the same so, whenever he says something, I just dismiss it or try to refrain from commenting.
For me the issue on jealousy crops up here and thereonce in a while, maybe jealousy is too strong, envy perhaps? It's quite a change for me, other than my sec 3 & 4 class, I have not come across someone so close to me who is that smart. I'm pretty competitive, so yeah, it get's a bit demoralising as it progresses, but to turn it into motivation would be the best...haha...( baby are you reading this???). At the same time I'm so proud of him, somehow I feel a good sense of pride when people say I'm so lucky to have him....people tell me how smart he is, how he's so sweet to me and all that stuff...haha... I love my baby so much!
Sunday, September 11, 2005
I got to make this quick...everwood's in 10 mins..
haha...
anyway hols are gonna be officially over in like 9 hours..
today's been good...I've just finished my written report which is due tomorrow...
mwahahaah...in the words of my baby "Ai am a genius..." haha...I fund my 300 words and not only that an extra 200 too
mwahaha...I love myself...haha
church was too long...talk about 2 hours...I wasn't paying attention to the sermon today...I just got restless...and the guy who led worship...I didn't like him...I mean he sounded lke miter wee..."tank you lod fur eberyting" "you are eberything" it was like that for half an hour...it was, let's just say i just wanted to laugh...haha...mummy didn't like him too I think. She kept furrowing her eyebrows and staring at him wih the look that sai "please stop"
haha...
lunch was at church, they had some buffet thingie for the 11th anniversary, it was good, I had my fill, but I didnt' have the cake...oh well just means less cream and fat for me...not so bad...
home I went, bathed, chat with my babay, did my pw and now I'm here. Going to watch everwood now...I shall start on Binomial. It's really hot today...
Ciao, dear reader.
haha...
anyway hols are gonna be officially over in like 9 hours..
today's been good...I've just finished my written report which is due tomorrow...
mwahahaah...in the words of my baby "Ai am a genius..." haha...I fund my 300 words and not only that an extra 200 too
mwahaha...I love myself...haha
church was too long...talk about 2 hours...I wasn't paying attention to the sermon today...I just got restless...and the guy who led worship...I didn't like him...I mean he sounded lke miter wee..."tank you lod fur eberyting" "you are eberything" it was like that for half an hour...it was, let's just say i just wanted to laugh...haha...mummy didn't like him too I think. She kept furrowing her eyebrows and staring at him wih the look that sai "please stop"
haha...
lunch was at church, they had some buffet thingie for the 11th anniversary, it was good, I had my fill, but I didnt' have the cake...oh well just means less cream and fat for me...not so bad...
home I went, bathed, chat with my babay, did my pw and now I'm here. Going to watch everwood now...I shall start on Binomial. It's really hot today...
Ciao, dear reader.
Saturday, September 03, 2005
holiday's have started...
there's the constant need and compulsion to study...
and there's the constant feeling of procrastination and sloth...
oh well...the past few days were wondefullt spent with my baby.
I screwed up the chinese paper...at least the zuo wen part mostly, needless to say it was horribly out of point seeing as I mistakenly interptretted a word. it's been getting like that quite often, I I seriously hope that it DOES NOY happen during the 'A's.
Been studying with my baby for the past 2 days, today was much more productive than the last....too many distractions that day, not that today didn't have it's fair share, what with all the cartoons and shows on TV plus my baby watching his soccer highlights and playing NBA on his PS2. but I think today was so much more productive. Baby's been making lunch too haha, just simple stuff, yesterday we had porridge with steam egg, while today I ate beehoon with some salmon and fish cake while baby had the leftovers of the porridge with the salmon and fish cake...haha....the salmon was absolutely lovely...dum di dum...haha..
I hope that you dear reader have also had a lovely day...
there's the constant need and compulsion to study...
and there's the constant feeling of procrastination and sloth...
oh well...the past few days were wondefullt spent with my baby.
I screwed up the chinese paper...at least the zuo wen part mostly, needless to say it was horribly out of point seeing as I mistakenly interptretted a word. it's been getting like that quite often, I I seriously hope that it DOES NOY happen during the 'A's.
Been studying with my baby for the past 2 days, today was much more productive than the last....too many distractions that day, not that today didn't have it's fair share, what with all the cartoons and shows on TV plus my baby watching his soccer highlights and playing NBA on his PS2. but I think today was so much more productive. Baby's been making lunch too haha, just simple stuff, yesterday we had porridge with steam egg, while today I ate beehoon with some salmon and fish cake while baby had the leftovers of the porridge with the salmon and fish cake...haha....the salmon was absolutely lovely...dum di dum...haha..
I hope that you dear reader have also had a lovely day...
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