I'm drowning in PW...it's absolutely taking over my life. Had the dry run for OP and needless to say it was horrible, nwevousness I hope...and I hope it's not us. anyway...yeah, spent some time with my baby, his physics olympiad didn't go too well yesterday...haha..but he's okay with it. He's still got chemistry olympiad anyway, he should do well for it...and there's still that exchange programme he's going to be doing for the school, which he'll be away for like 10 days. my busy little boy...haha...feeling good about it and a little selfish. selfish because he's not going to be spending a lot of time with me during the school hols...oh well...I don't know. an
anyway baby and I were talking today about hamsters...haha...weird right...okay, at least I think it was weird. I mean talks about those little rodents??? anyway, it was rather weird, we were just talking about the hamster hibernating and I said what if the other hamster couldn't hibernate cos the other was snoring. Then we went on to picking on their small minds....like if you put two hamsters on two different wheels facing each other..they'd be wondering why they never met....haha...the wheel came up because baby said I needed to go exercise. Then we said something about, hjamster wheel 3000...haha...instead of playstation, they'd either have hamster station or wheel station...haha...it was so funny just sitting there talking about it. he's going to play LAN tomorrow with his classmates, so I guess I'll be heading home alone after chinese....I still have the stupid I&R to do and dinner to eat...tata.
Sunday, October 23, 2005
today's been extremely good...just sitting at home...play a little computer, study a bit of chinese, watch some good television and just talk to my baby. We're back to normal...okay, maybe normal isn't the word...more like we've patched up, and it sure feels good..haha...I guess the good thing is we patch up fast. Need to sort out my I&R though...I'm drowning in project work....I seriously want it to go well, especially the oral presentation.
I actually need to do some work during the hols...my physics needs a real lift and I need to refresh my knowledge on chem, haha...it being my bestest subject and all. I guess this is year isn't so bad after all..haha...looking back on it..baby made it all so good. I'll think about this later, not forgetting I still need to be working haha...hmmm.
I actually need to do some work during the hols...my physics needs a real lift and I need to refresh my knowledge on chem, haha...it being my bestest subject and all. I guess this is year isn't so bad after all..haha...looking back on it..baby made it all so good. I'll think about this later, not forgetting I still need to be working haha...hmmm.
Saturday, October 22, 2005
I'm up at 8, just couldn't sleep...which is unusual or more like eccentric for me, I've become so tired recently...I mean I absolutely shouldn't be up at this time.
I just hate it when we quarrel...it's happening more often than usual. Just that they don't last long...their usually short and brief. Whatever it is, it's got me going. I feel worried. Insecure. Vulnerable.
I don't know...I just got frustrated with the damn game last night which sorta set things off...he hung up... and I continued playing and 10.30 called him again. He didn't sound too happy, I won't blame him for that but the monotony in the tone...just put me in a bad mood. Yeah, he says he was just saying 'hello' nicely...he always says it like that...liar. Let me just say if you're not lying to me about it....then you better fucking swear by it if you have the guts, don't come and tell me shit like 'I'm switching to speaker phone'. If I had a penny every time you said 'hello' like that I'd be in poverty...SERIOUSLY.
I just lay in bed thinking of a lot of things last night after he hung up. Maybe I started imagining things, maybe insecure perhaps....I know he's busy and all that, he keeps telling me all this stuff the school's offering him, I've been trying to keep the envy at bay and I'm sincerely happy for him...but lately he just seems disinterested, okay maybe not disinterested...maybe sorta can't be bothered with me a little. I come down to his class in the morning as usual, and he'll see me...put on the happy little cute face that I love...and then I'll sit next to him and then he'll just go and talk to his classmates. I can handle that as long as he doesn't forget that I'm there. I usually just end up going back to class later, at least when I go back to class people there talk to me. I mean after all, so what if everyone knows me in his class, SO WHAT!!!! They're not exactly people who I TALK to very much. I seriously don't mind coming downstairs, but maybe YOU just shouldn't leave me hanging there. I mean, you make me look like a moron, okay, more like an idiot! Yesterday, I was looking at this board outside the pe room and then he just suddenly walked off to the soccer court without saying anything, I intended to follow but decided against it. I don't know why...It's not like I'm expecting him to tell me wherever he's going, just that if we are anywhere together, at least if he's going to break off and go somewhere else then at least tell me. Please, I do that with my friends...it's like common courtesy...you don't just leave someone hanging like that it not only hurts the person's feelings and it's damn rude too.
He's better in a lot of things than I am, I seriously have a hard time keeping up, but I don't make noise about it. Sure I whine about my grades and stuff, and all the stuff like that, somehow I feel he doesn't think very much of me, in terms of of intelligence. He keeps telling me things like' you're smart...you're not stupid', now I wonder how much of this is true. I seriously hope he doesn't just thinking that he just picked up this "bimbo" to pass the time or boost his ego. I don't mind if he's happy he's beaten me in all my grades, because he just IS smarter than me no matter what...but I wish he'd just think about some things he says. I mean like the way he judged my written report...'I'll bet it's in a mess'...I DON'T CARE if he was saying that it reflects the lousy teacher that I have...I'M DOING IT...so I would damn well appreciate it if YOU have some FUCKING COMFIDENCE IN ME, which I seriously doubt you do. The times when he says, 'I knew you couldn't do it' or 'I knew you wouldn't get it' like yeah, that ab-so-lute-ly shows the GIGANTUOUS amount of confidence you have in me. I mean come on...I never said anything like that to you about GP, 'haha...I knew you wouldn't be able to do this question'. Maybe you don't know me well enough to know that I'm quite sensitive to things like that.
what happened to I'll run the race with you? you push me, I'll push you? It just seems like you left me for dead and sped on ahead, like I was some burden to you for the past 7 months and 6 days. Somehow I feel that we work better apart; no pressure from you and I'l be of no hindrance to you, than if we were to work together. I once asked a question...'do you think we're invincible together?'...perhaps I got the answer but I chose not to hear it? I know you're busy, I understand, since when have I not? since when have I not given you the space you wanted? I'm not saying I'm the perfect girlfriend, neither do I think that I've been a bad one. I'm not here to put the blame on anyone, but if it makes you feel any better my baby, it was my fault, I started the fight last night and I'm sorry. What about the rest?
I just hate it when we quarrel...it's happening more often than usual. Just that they don't last long...their usually short and brief. Whatever it is, it's got me going. I feel worried. Insecure. Vulnerable.
I don't know...I just got frustrated with the damn game last night which sorta set things off...he hung up... and I continued playing and 10.30 called him again. He didn't sound too happy, I won't blame him for that but the monotony in the tone...just put me in a bad mood. Yeah, he says he was just saying 'hello' nicely...he always says it like that...liar. Let me just say if you're not lying to me about it....then you better fucking swear by it if you have the guts, don't come and tell me shit like 'I'm switching to speaker phone'. If I had a penny every time you said 'hello' like that I'd be in poverty...SERIOUSLY.
I just lay in bed thinking of a lot of things last night after he hung up. Maybe I started imagining things, maybe insecure perhaps....I know he's busy and all that, he keeps telling me all this stuff the school's offering him, I've been trying to keep the envy at bay and I'm sincerely happy for him...but lately he just seems disinterested, okay maybe not disinterested...maybe sorta can't be bothered with me a little. I come down to his class in the morning as usual, and he'll see me...put on the happy little cute face that I love...and then I'll sit next to him and then he'll just go and talk to his classmates. I can handle that as long as he doesn't forget that I'm there. I usually just end up going back to class later, at least when I go back to class people there talk to me. I mean after all, so what if everyone knows me in his class, SO WHAT!!!! They're not exactly people who I TALK to very much. I seriously don't mind coming downstairs, but maybe YOU just shouldn't leave me hanging there. I mean, you make me look like a moron, okay, more like an idiot! Yesterday, I was looking at this board outside the pe room and then he just suddenly walked off to the soccer court without saying anything, I intended to follow but decided against it. I don't know why...It's not like I'm expecting him to tell me wherever he's going, just that if we are anywhere together, at least if he's going to break off and go somewhere else then at least tell me. Please, I do that with my friends...it's like common courtesy...you don't just leave someone hanging like that it not only hurts the person's feelings and it's damn rude too.
He's better in a lot of things than I am, I seriously have a hard time keeping up, but I don't make noise about it. Sure I whine about my grades and stuff, and all the stuff like that, somehow I feel he doesn't think very much of me, in terms of of intelligence. He keeps telling me things like' you're smart...you're not stupid', now I wonder how much of this is true. I seriously hope he doesn't just thinking that he just picked up this "bimbo" to pass the time or boost his ego. I don't mind if he's happy he's beaten me in all my grades, because he just IS smarter than me no matter what...but I wish he'd just think about some things he says. I mean like the way he judged my written report...'I'll bet it's in a mess'...I DON'T CARE if he was saying that it reflects the lousy teacher that I have...I'M DOING IT...so I would damn well appreciate it if YOU have some FUCKING COMFIDENCE IN ME, which I seriously doubt you do. The times when he says, 'I knew you couldn't do it' or 'I knew you wouldn't get it' like yeah, that ab-so-lute-ly shows the GIGANTUOUS amount of confidence you have in me. I mean come on...I never said anything like that to you about GP, 'haha...I knew you wouldn't be able to do this question'. Maybe you don't know me well enough to know that I'm quite sensitive to things like that.
what happened to I'll run the race with you? you push me, I'll push you? It just seems like you left me for dead and sped on ahead, like I was some burden to you for the past 7 months and 6 days. Somehow I feel that we work better apart; no pressure from you and I'l be of no hindrance to you, than if we were to work together. I once asked a question...'do you think we're invincible together?'...perhaps I got the answer but I chose not to hear it? I know you're busy, I understand, since when have I not? since when have I not given you the space you wanted? I'm not saying I'm the perfect girlfriend, neither do I think that I've been a bad one. I'm not here to put the blame on anyone, but if it makes you feel any better my baby, it was my fault, I started the fight last night and I'm sorry. What about the rest?
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
My Tragic Flaw
by Ephram BrownThe more things change, the more they stay the same. I'm not sure who the first person was who said that. Probably Shakespeare. Or maybe Sting. But at the moment, it's the sentence that best explains my tragic flaw: my inability to change.
I don't think I'm alone in this. The more I get to know other people, the more I realize it's kind of everyone's flaw. Staying exactly the same for as long as possible, standing perfectly still... It feels better somehow. And if you are suffering, at least the pain is familiar. Because if you took that leap of faith, went outside the box, did something unexpected... Who knows what other pain might be waiting out there. Chances are it could be even worse.
So you maintain the status quo. Choose the road already traveled and it doesn't seem that bad. Not as far as flaws go. You're not a drug addict. You're not killing anyone... Except maybe yourself a little.
When we finally do change, I don't think it happens like an earthquake or an explosion, where all of a sudden we're like this different person. I think it's smaller than that. The kind of thing most people wouldn't even notice unless they looked at us really, really close. Which, thank God, they never do. But you notice it. Inside you that change feels like a world of difference. And you hope this is it. This is the person you get to be forever... that you'll never have to change again.
the promo results are out, the eagerness and anxiety to know what a years work has been worth is gone. For some it is somewhat the end of the line; seeing as they cannot promote, for some people like me, there is the disappointment of not getting what I wanted. I guess if I think about it...I've not really been spoilt in life, with the exception that I have parents, a roof over my head and all that stuff...but in terms of grades I've always got what I wanted till recently.
I will admit that I have high expectations, but are they unrealistic? To me, an A is not hard to get, and when I do the paper, it's like I feel that I've gotten it. However, it just never appears, if it does...it somehow reflects or at least I have the impression that I am just mediocre. I have always had this great dream, vision, whatever you call it, that I'll be amazing and do amazing things, like be super successful, and be rich or something...but the numbers and alphabets just seem to push it farther and farther away. you may think I'm just stupid or myopic to think a couple of numbers and alphabets should define my future and what I may end up like, but I suppose they have a rather profound impact on a person like me. They just drive me absolutely crazy, no one or at least few look at the jump you made or the work put in...they just want the story short and sweet . It is true what I said in a previous post, improvement is often ignored or overlooked by the disappointment we experience, I guess for me...it would be the hardest thing to overcome.
this overwhelming urge and compulsion to do well may well have its negative effects, I'm so scared what I may become or how I would change should this persist...but somehow I just can't stop it. I have NO idea how it progressed to such a stage...it absolutely baffles me...is there something wrong with me? or is it just that I'm overreacting? I don't know...
Baby's doing so well that I am immensely proud of him and of the niche he made for himself in CJC, despite the fact of him being in a place where he knew very few of the people. All the competitions, grades and programmes he's been selected for...I just can't help being proud that I have such an amazing boyfriend...haha...I mean seriously, I never thought I'd be so lucky as to find someone like him. However there's always the 'but'....the envy I experience whenever he tells me all this stuff...its like my dream just superimposed itself onto him, like I dunno...he got to it first before I did, so I'm like the loser in the race or something or I'm just fated to be just like those parents who have to watch their children become what they always wanted to be, but in this case...I'm watching the person I love and admire so much live out what I always wanted to be. I keep telling myself things like 'I just have to work harder', 'I just take a little longer to get there...but eventually I WILL get there and when I do, I would shock the world' after all this time, I have started to doubt how truth there is in those to sentences. I just keep thinking that I am the only one who can help myself out of this rut...and this is just one DAMN long road that I may just feel like not wanting to get up anymore and just set up camp there for the next few decades.
I want my turn....
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
We're taught to remember only the significant moments – the rites of passage. In truth, the smallest steps that get us to these momentous occasions are just as significant. Looking back, we see it's not just the high points, but the low points that also define who we are and who we will become.
-EVERWOOD, "Your Future Awaits"
I'm really busy now, multi-tasking...haha...
yakking on the phone with my baby, eating dinner and blogging...
baby got me to download this game, and I'm currently hooked...not that deep yet,just the excitement of wanting to get home and grab my father's comp and start playing...cos my home comp is STUPID!! the monitor is out cold...
anyway, the past 2 days was just post-exam enrichment activities...never liked why they called it that...it just sounds so educational, if you get my drift. Wouldn't games day be so much easier to say? first day our class played handball...that was the best...haha...we practically owned everyone...trashed all of them, the biggest win being 6-0...kudos to the guys and their wonderful basketball skills, which are just absolutely amazing. The goal-keeping by cumar, tyrik and ashley was superb too. Tyrik and cumar were a surprise...I mean tyrik is like damn skinny, to think he could defend such a goal post...haha...and not get smashed in...cumar...I mean that was just a surprise. ashley and his header-goalkeeping during the girl's games.
today was just captain's ball and frisbee. captain's ball started out well, but then the walkover by t28 didn't go well, but it was a good fight, especially by t28. wandered around after that, went to see my baby play touch rugby and walked somemore, and then I got roped in for frisbee...which was the last game. We won that by 2 but that was just for fun. baby didn't win his touch rugby, his class got second...I still love you...haha. bussed to papa's office where baby and I spent time together, watched iRobot and then read books for a while and napped at the table. baby looks so sweet when he sleeps...haha...so peaceful..I just like to watch...I dunno. baby went home at 5.30 while I stayed on and continued to read my book, nap, and talk to my baby somewhere in that time frame.
It was a good day, I liked it quite some, with the exception of having to be under the sun the whole time...my FACE is ab-so-lute-ly red! I mean, no matter how much I seek for the shade or hide from the sun, it somehow manages to get me...it's rays somehow manage to seep through the gaps of shelter and get me... =( ...I don't want to be red anymore and I DON'T WANT TO PEEL...NONONO!!!
-EVERWOOD, "Your Future Awaits"
I'm really busy now, multi-tasking...haha...
yakking on the phone with my baby, eating dinner and blogging...
baby got me to download this game, and I'm currently hooked...not that deep yet,just the excitement of wanting to get home and grab my father's comp and start playing...cos my home comp is STUPID!! the monitor is out cold...
anyway, the past 2 days was just post-exam enrichment activities...never liked why they called it that...it just sounds so educational, if you get my drift. Wouldn't games day be so much easier to say? first day our class played handball...that was the best...haha...we practically owned everyone...trashed all of them, the biggest win being 6-0...kudos to the guys and their wonderful basketball skills, which are just absolutely amazing. The goal-keeping by cumar, tyrik and ashley was superb too. Tyrik and cumar were a surprise...I mean tyrik is like damn skinny, to think he could defend such a goal post...haha...and not get smashed in...cumar...I mean that was just a surprise. ashley and his header-goalkeeping during the girl's games.
today was just captain's ball and frisbee. captain's ball started out well, but then the walkover by t28 didn't go well, but it was a good fight, especially by t28. wandered around after that, went to see my baby play touch rugby and walked somemore, and then I got roped in for frisbee...which was the last game. We won that by 2 but that was just for fun. baby didn't win his touch rugby, his class got second...I still love you...haha. bussed to papa's office where baby and I spent time together, watched iRobot and then read books for a while and napped at the table. baby looks so sweet when he sleeps...haha...so peaceful..I just like to watch...I dunno. baby went home at 5.30 while I stayed on and continued to read my book, nap, and talk to my baby somewhere in that time frame.
It was a good day, I liked it quite some, with the exception of having to be under the sun the whole time...my FACE is ab-so-lute-ly red! I mean, no matter how much I seek for the shade or hide from the sun, it somehow manages to get me...it's rays somehow manage to seep through the gaps of shelter and get me... =( ...I don't want to be red anymore and I DON'T WANT TO PEEL...NONONO!!!
Thursday, October 06, 2005
Dreams are our world turned upside down. Gravity, logic, time rendered meaningless. The world of dreams is not our world. Although, at the dead of night, it attempts and deceives. Daring us to see the difference.
This is what makes dreams so dangerous.
-EVERWOOD, "The Day is Done"
okay...promos are like officially over...YAY!!
I must say, this stretch does feel good...haha...I guess God has helped me significantly, so I thank him for walking through this and enabling me to do my best, I just have a good feeling about this. I hope I'm right...
Anyway, had so much fun today....haha...after physics, went for NE and current affairs quiz, not much of a difference from the mid-year...haha. after that met my baby and joined sean and lisa for lunch, and this was the good part...haha...somehow a couple of the canoeists came to join us and we ended up talking about stuff, girls and boys...being crude here and there, talking about stuff like how guys screw with each other in the toilet, haha...omg....it was just laughing and laughing...and to think we were sitting so near a group of teachers....haha. I like stuff like this, it's like talking with the girls back in IJ just for laughs, just that this time the majority are guys. I miss it...
CJC open house...well, it's impending...somehow I really have NO IDEA why any of the IJ girls would want to come here, here as in CJ...maybe it's because, the mindset of CJC being a safety net for all catholic schools is still there so there's no need to come to a place where you'll end up in anyway, or maybe I'm jusy not very proud of where I come from.
Perhaps I don't think anyone would come here due to the class I came from, I mean triple science people usually wouldn't think of coming to CJC, most of the people from my class in sec 4 wanted so much to go to VJ, HC, RJ, some NJ...nothing less than that. For us to even speak of going to CJC was like taboo. I even still recall people saying, that it was alright if they didn't make the mark, they'll just go to CJ and then go from there, like CJC was like a stepping stone, or like some rite of passage to a better life, out of poverty.
I guess I am proud that CJC is coming up slowly, however some or a large majority of the public just doesn't see that. They have chosen to stay in the time where CJC was the dumping ground for those who were desperate to get into a JC and the one with the highest abortion rate (although that was like eons ago...). Reality only seems to hit them when the qualify for a JC but can't get into CJC...my little sister has just realised that the cut-off point is going to be 11 when she graduates from IJ and even worries about qualifying. I'm not saying that everyone should go to CJC, but that I somehow cannot stay quiet when the sterotyped viewing of the dumping ground is brought up when people talk about JCs. To see improvements is often hard, people tend to see what's on the surface. Improvements are usually noticed when expectations are not met and yet they do not suffice, it just doesn't seem to ease the disappointment.
I guess if a person were to let go of predjudices, look deeper within and open our minds I think even a school like CJC ,with what we have, would even be able to measure up to a school like RJ, or hwa chong, even NJ. If a man is willing to help himsself, I am sure that god will help him, to have god on our side should count for something...haha...
This is what makes dreams so dangerous.
-EVERWOOD, "The Day is Done"
okay...promos are like officially over...YAY!!
I must say, this stretch does feel good...haha...I guess God has helped me significantly, so I thank him for walking through this and enabling me to do my best, I just have a good feeling about this. I hope I'm right...
Anyway, had so much fun today....haha...after physics, went for NE and current affairs quiz, not much of a difference from the mid-year...haha. after that met my baby and joined sean and lisa for lunch, and this was the good part...haha...somehow a couple of the canoeists came to join us and we ended up talking about stuff, girls and boys...being crude here and there, talking about stuff like how guys screw with each other in the toilet, haha...omg....it was just laughing and laughing...and to think we were sitting so near a group of teachers....haha. I like stuff like this, it's like talking with the girls back in IJ just for laughs, just that this time the majority are guys. I miss it...
CJC open house...well, it's impending...somehow I really have NO IDEA why any of the IJ girls would want to come here, here as in CJ...maybe it's because, the mindset of CJC being a safety net for all catholic schools is still there so there's no need to come to a place where you'll end up in anyway, or maybe I'm jusy not very proud of where I come from.
Perhaps I don't think anyone would come here due to the class I came from, I mean triple science people usually wouldn't think of coming to CJC, most of the people from my class in sec 4 wanted so much to go to VJ, HC, RJ, some NJ...nothing less than that. For us to even speak of going to CJC was like taboo. I even still recall people saying, that it was alright if they didn't make the mark, they'll just go to CJ and then go from there, like CJC was like a stepping stone, or like some rite of passage to a better life, out of poverty.
I guess I am proud that CJC is coming up slowly, however some or a large majority of the public just doesn't see that. They have chosen to stay in the time where CJC was the dumping ground for those who were desperate to get into a JC and the one with the highest abortion rate (although that was like eons ago...). Reality only seems to hit them when the qualify for a JC but can't get into CJC...my little sister has just realised that the cut-off point is going to be 11 when she graduates from IJ and even worries about qualifying. I'm not saying that everyone should go to CJC, but that I somehow cannot stay quiet when the sterotyped viewing of the dumping ground is brought up when people talk about JCs. To see improvements is often hard, people tend to see what's on the surface. Improvements are usually noticed when expectations are not met and yet they do not suffice, it just doesn't seem to ease the disappointment.
I guess if a person were to let go of predjudices, look deeper within and open our minds I think even a school like CJC ,with what we have, would even be able to measure up to a school like RJ, or hwa chong, even NJ. If a man is willing to help himsself, I am sure that god will help him, to have god on our side should count for something...haha...
Friday, September 30, 2005
Thank you to my baby for making this birthday so special to me....just to have you around makes me so happy. You make me feel like the luckiest girl in the world :)...haha...I hope that I would be able to spend the rest of my birthdays with you....muakz!! I love you!!!
Thanks trevin, jeanette, 'manda, nat, sheryl and my mummy for all the birthday wishes...they are all well appreciated, much love to you all.
Thanks trevin, jeanette, 'manda, nat, sheryl and my mummy for all the birthday wishes...they are all well appreciated, much love to you all.
Thursday, September 29, 2005
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TREVIN!!!
I'm currently supposed to be on hiatus from all this blogging, but I'm taking a little break for now...hmmmmmmmm....and this relaxing thing is good, my body's been feeling so crammed up...it makes me want to stretch and stretch, maybe it's cause of the studying or something...I will need to motivate myself back to the books after dinner.
If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all
I never know what the future brings
But I know you are here with me now
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
If don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?
I don't know why you’re so far away
But I know that this much is true
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life
I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side
I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
I'm currently supposed to be on hiatus from all this blogging, but I'm taking a little break for now...hmmmmmmmm....and this relaxing thing is good, my body's been feeling so crammed up...it makes me want to stretch and stretch, maybe it's cause of the studying or something...I will need to motivate myself back to the books after dinner.
If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all
I never know what the future brings
But I know you are here with me now
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
If don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?
I don't know why you’re so far away
But I know that this much is true
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life
I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side
I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
Friday, September 16, 2005
One cup of love
A dash of lust
A dash of mystery
One tablespoon of sweetness
One teaspoon of envy
One teaspoon of bitterness
1/2 cup of companionship
HAPPY SIXTH MONTH ANNIVERSARY TO MY BABY AND ME!
haha...
somehow that sounded a bit awkward to me...
seeing as I've never had anything to do with such a thing my entire lifetime till now.
The sixth months have been eventful...full of ups and downs like any normal relationship and as well as an emotional rollercoaster for the both of us.
One does not have to be compelled to have a boyfriend...I mean he/it (depending on how you view him) should not be a fashion accessory for you, I would not consider that a relationship, maybe more towards the lines of a compromise.
I'm not trying to perpetrate the ideas of the government 'get married, don't just have kids, have more than 3' or to tell you 'get a boyfriend' but I feel all that I have experienced in these six months are something I would not have been able to experience with my friends or family. It may seem the same, but as aways there's that element of uniqueness.
Through this time, you begin to realise that there isn't just one person anymore...there's 2 of you....so whatever strong desires of independence you have, much of that has to be left behind. Sure there are elements of independence, I mean you can't be together all the time, both parties must have be able to function alone to a certain extent, but now that there's 2 people now, there has to be an element of 'the other above self'. One thing that I'm constantly reminded of by my baby would be to take care of myself. At first i had thought that it didn't matter much, but then if you think again, it's not as simple as that. IF I were to fall ill, he would be affected too, worried and although its cliche, he would have to take care of me and if he were to fall ill, there would be no one to take care of either one of us. If I were feeling upset or one of us was, then both of us would be feel, in a way, inadequate, because no one likes to see anyone unhappy or sad and worst still, in my case, you just don't want to tell what's wrong, the other would just feel frustrated. There is a sort of realisation that whatever you do, you are accountable to your other.
2 people from 2 different backgrounds, would have different idealogies and ways of doing things. There are times when we should just accept the other parties way of doing things and there are times which we should just speak up and correct them and yet one should not become too critical of the other. open-mindedness comes into play as well. I have learned that we should not be closed to each other's suggestions, be it our attitude, academics or when just having fun and yet we should not be trying to turn the other party into an exact copy of yourself, just because you find the way they do things strange. At the same time we should maintain that sense of uniqueness from each other, so that both may have some sense of superiority from the other, and add some sense of balance to the relationship, opposites attract for the basic reason of making up for what the other party lacks.
Finding time to spend together is not easy to come by, being students our main job would be to study and get good grades and the curriculum in his case is rather heavy, so I think through the six months, time has been rather precious to both of us. Even little things like taking a bus home together, although it is rather short, we still do it and I think it helps in a way. I think I've learnt to treasure him more and as well as the time we have together.
There are a good deal of good stuff, but of course there's the disagreements. One being our schools, his being rather secular and mine religious-based...I get quite defensive about it cos different schools have different ways of doing things so and he and I are proud of where we come from, our heritage, both trying to outdo each other...but I've learnt to just let it go. I for one don't think it's very fair, I mean our schools have different ideals, and the way things are done is not exactly the same so, whenever he says something, I just dismiss it or try to refrain from commenting.
For me the issue on jealousy crops up here and thereonce in a while, maybe jealousy is too strong, envy perhaps? It's quite a change for me, other than my sec 3 & 4 class, I have not come across someone so close to me who is that smart. I'm pretty competitive, so yeah, it get's a bit demoralising as it progresses, but to turn it into motivation would be the best...haha...( baby are you reading this???). At the same time I'm so proud of him, somehow I feel a good sense of pride when people say I'm so lucky to have him....people tell me how smart he is, how he's so sweet to me and all that stuff...haha... I love my baby so much!
A dash of lust
A dash of mystery
One tablespoon of sweetness
One teaspoon of envy
One teaspoon of bitterness
1/2 cup of companionship
HAPPY SIXTH MONTH ANNIVERSARY TO MY BABY AND ME!
haha...
somehow that sounded a bit awkward to me...
seeing as I've never had anything to do with such a thing my entire lifetime till now.
The sixth months have been eventful...full of ups and downs like any normal relationship and as well as an emotional rollercoaster for the both of us.
One does not have to be compelled to have a boyfriend...I mean he/it (depending on how you view him) should not be a fashion accessory for you, I would not consider that a relationship, maybe more towards the lines of a compromise.
I'm not trying to perpetrate the ideas of the government 'get married, don't just have kids, have more than 3' or to tell you 'get a boyfriend' but I feel all that I have experienced in these six months are something I would not have been able to experience with my friends or family. It may seem the same, but as aways there's that element of uniqueness.
Through this time, you begin to realise that there isn't just one person anymore...there's 2 of you....so whatever strong desires of independence you have, much of that has to be left behind. Sure there are elements of independence, I mean you can't be together all the time, both parties must have be able to function alone to a certain extent, but now that there's 2 people now, there has to be an element of 'the other above self'. One thing that I'm constantly reminded of by my baby would be to take care of myself. At first i had thought that it didn't matter much, but then if you think again, it's not as simple as that. IF I were to fall ill, he would be affected too, worried and although its cliche, he would have to take care of me and if he were to fall ill, there would be no one to take care of either one of us. If I were feeling upset or one of us was, then both of us would be feel, in a way, inadequate, because no one likes to see anyone unhappy or sad and worst still, in my case, you just don't want to tell what's wrong, the other would just feel frustrated. There is a sort of realisation that whatever you do, you are accountable to your other.
2 people from 2 different backgrounds, would have different idealogies and ways of doing things. There are times when we should just accept the other parties way of doing things and there are times which we should just speak up and correct them and yet one should not become too critical of the other. open-mindedness comes into play as well. I have learned that we should not be closed to each other's suggestions, be it our attitude, academics or when just having fun and yet we should not be trying to turn the other party into an exact copy of yourself, just because you find the way they do things strange. At the same time we should maintain that sense of uniqueness from each other, so that both may have some sense of superiority from the other, and add some sense of balance to the relationship, opposites attract for the basic reason of making up for what the other party lacks.
Finding time to spend together is not easy to come by, being students our main job would be to study and get good grades and the curriculum in his case is rather heavy, so I think through the six months, time has been rather precious to both of us. Even little things like taking a bus home together, although it is rather short, we still do it and I think it helps in a way. I think I've learnt to treasure him more and as well as the time we have together.
There are a good deal of good stuff, but of course there's the disagreements. One being our schools, his being rather secular and mine religious-based...I get quite defensive about it cos different schools have different ways of doing things so and he and I are proud of where we come from, our heritage, both trying to outdo each other...but I've learnt to just let it go. I for one don't think it's very fair, I mean our schools have different ideals, and the way things are done is not exactly the same so, whenever he says something, I just dismiss it or try to refrain from commenting.
For me the issue on jealousy crops up here and thereonce in a while, maybe jealousy is too strong, envy perhaps? It's quite a change for me, other than my sec 3 & 4 class, I have not come across someone so close to me who is that smart. I'm pretty competitive, so yeah, it get's a bit demoralising as it progresses, but to turn it into motivation would be the best...haha...( baby are you reading this???). At the same time I'm so proud of him, somehow I feel a good sense of pride when people say I'm so lucky to have him....people tell me how smart he is, how he's so sweet to me and all that stuff...haha... I love my baby so much!
Sunday, September 11, 2005
I got to make this quick...everwood's in 10 mins..
haha...
anyway hols are gonna be officially over in like 9 hours..
today's been good...I've just finished my written report which is due tomorrow...
mwahahaah...in the words of my baby "Ai am a genius..." haha...I fund my 300 words and not only that an extra 200 too
mwahaha...I love myself...haha
church was too long...talk about 2 hours...I wasn't paying attention to the sermon today...I just got restless...and the guy who led worship...I didn't like him...I mean he sounded lke miter wee..."tank you lod fur eberyting" "you are eberything" it was like that for half an hour...it was, let's just say i just wanted to laugh...haha...mummy didn't like him too I think. She kept furrowing her eyebrows and staring at him wih the look that sai "please stop"
haha...
lunch was at church, they had some buffet thingie for the 11th anniversary, it was good, I had my fill, but I didnt' have the cake...oh well just means less cream and fat for me...not so bad...
home I went, bathed, chat with my babay, did my pw and now I'm here. Going to watch everwood now...I shall start on Binomial. It's really hot today...
Ciao, dear reader.
haha...
anyway hols are gonna be officially over in like 9 hours..
today's been good...I've just finished my written report which is due tomorrow...
mwahahaah...in the words of my baby "Ai am a genius..." haha...I fund my 300 words and not only that an extra 200 too
mwahaha...I love myself...haha
church was too long...talk about 2 hours...I wasn't paying attention to the sermon today...I just got restless...and the guy who led worship...I didn't like him...I mean he sounded lke miter wee..."tank you lod fur eberyting" "you are eberything" it was like that for half an hour...it was, let's just say i just wanted to laugh...haha...mummy didn't like him too I think. She kept furrowing her eyebrows and staring at him wih the look that sai "please stop"
haha...
lunch was at church, they had some buffet thingie for the 11th anniversary, it was good, I had my fill, but I didnt' have the cake...oh well just means less cream and fat for me...not so bad...
home I went, bathed, chat with my babay, did my pw and now I'm here. Going to watch everwood now...I shall start on Binomial. It's really hot today...
Ciao, dear reader.
Saturday, September 03, 2005
holiday's have started...
there's the constant need and compulsion to study...
and there's the constant feeling of procrastination and sloth...
oh well...the past few days were wondefullt spent with my baby.
I screwed up the chinese paper...at least the zuo wen part mostly, needless to say it was horribly out of point seeing as I mistakenly interptretted a word. it's been getting like that quite often, I I seriously hope that it DOES NOY happen during the 'A's.
Been studying with my baby for the past 2 days, today was much more productive than the last....too many distractions that day, not that today didn't have it's fair share, what with all the cartoons and shows on TV plus my baby watching his soccer highlights and playing NBA on his PS2. but I think today was so much more productive. Baby's been making lunch too haha, just simple stuff, yesterday we had porridge with steam egg, while today I ate beehoon with some salmon and fish cake while baby had the leftovers of the porridge with the salmon and fish cake...haha....the salmon was absolutely lovely...dum di dum...haha..
I hope that you dear reader have also had a lovely day...
there's the constant need and compulsion to study...
and there's the constant feeling of procrastination and sloth...
oh well...the past few days were wondefullt spent with my baby.
I screwed up the chinese paper...at least the zuo wen part mostly, needless to say it was horribly out of point seeing as I mistakenly interptretted a word. it's been getting like that quite often, I I seriously hope that it DOES NOY happen during the 'A's.
Been studying with my baby for the past 2 days, today was much more productive than the last....too many distractions that day, not that today didn't have it's fair share, what with all the cartoons and shows on TV plus my baby watching his soccer highlights and playing NBA on his PS2. but I think today was so much more productive. Baby's been making lunch too haha, just simple stuff, yesterday we had porridge with steam egg, while today I ate beehoon with some salmon and fish cake while baby had the leftovers of the porridge with the salmon and fish cake...haha....the salmon was absolutely lovely...dum di dum...haha..
I hope that you dear reader have also had a lovely day...
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
it's teacher's day...well technically it's not THE day but anyway....
today was half-day, actually only 2 hours of school...
I was swamped with the major question of the day from all the IJ girls
"are you going back?"
I have actually thought of the question, but everytime I think of it somehow I did not feel the compulsion or the, not say passion, but the desire to go back.
What does teacher's day mean, to me it would be someone who has made a great impact on my life as a knowledge giver, someone who has taght me what it means to live life. For me, I have yet to come across a teacher, in profession terms, who has taught me this. Although the teacher or teachers, in profession terms, who have left great impressions on me were my teachers in my time in Ascension Kindergarten and my time in IJ primary. Maybe it was because they were at the vital stages of my life, which is why they are remembered most, maybe it is because they were the ones who set the foundation of the life I lead now.
Somehow through the years I have been in school I have lost the passion for teacher's day, I would not say it is due to, what the people in"high" places say, a 'lousy' education, ABSOULUTELY NOT!! Call me biased but I would not send my danghter (should I have one...) anywhere else but IJ. I would probably blame myself for it... after the age of 10 I lost the passion to study, school became something which I was indifferent to, it was like a struggle to live. To study was not spontaneous, it became a great compulsion. Constant ramblings like "work hard, and you will achieve great things and then you can reap the fruits of your labour. Lead a comfortable life." or "When you're at the top, you can be anything you want." did not drive me at all, to me it was just painful. To me, it was all about the quantity; it was what mattered to me. but somehow I managed to always reach the top of the population, perhaps by a fluke...EM1, Science stream, Triple science, only to end up at the bottom of the best. I did not know what I wanted, I did not know where to go, where my passion was at and what I'm actually good in. I was solely society-driven, and I bet you are too. Triple science was considered to best, EM1 was considered the best, NJC and HCI was considered the best. Till today I feel like I walk through life aimlessly, no personal aim. I cannot answer simple questions like "who, dead or alive, would you like to meet face-to-face" or "Who would you like to have breakfast with?" because frankly I have yet to come across a person who would instill such a desire i me to so as I would WANT to meet them. I feel I have walked down the wrong path and I've gone so far down it I cannot re-trace my steps anymore.
After school, the students went to find the teachers, the SJI boys went back to SJI, IJarians to IJ and the list goes on, everyone to their respective alma maters. Someone asked me "are you going back?" "no" "I don't know if I should go back....maybe i should just go after all so many people are going" How many out of the say, hundred who went back to IJ or anywhere else thought that? Are we just going back there because everyone else is, because it is tradition or custom to do so, out of duty-sake, because if it is, I would boldly say that they are a bunch of hypocrites. To think that they go under the cover of good intentions just to make themselves guilt-free is just revolting. I as a person would find it appalling. To me, if you do not have the heart, don't force it, you would just hate doing it time after time, just like a drug would make you feel.
The reason I gave as to why I wasn't going back was "I have nothing to go back for." which is true, for with every year I just worked towards the end of the year, or the holidays, never once taking a glance at the process. I just took what was given to me, with no desire to see who gave it, just do what was required of me. When I thought about it, it was rather sad, sad that I had nothing to go back for, when so many people did. I wondered why is it I did not manage to obtain or have this feeling, or rather why I lost it through my time in the education system. I kept thinking about it...friends tried to coax me into going but I somehow just did not want to. I felt that I had lost something.
Truth be told I'm not happy with my life, most parts of it at least. I don't know why I'm in a JC...I guess it's because it's considered to be the better part of the education system. I don't why I chose to study science...I guess it's because I want to do medicine...and I want to do medicine because it's lucrative and I want something that is lucrative probably influnced by my current situation and my great desire for luxury and to give my parents a good life as well. Maybe it was due to this that I have not been able to find depth that education holds for a person.
I love music, that is the one thing i know. Anything to do with music I love. I love to dance, I could say that it's something, or one of the only things in my life that I find joy in, as well as piano. That was taken from me or maybe I robbed it off of myself without knowing. I feel that a large majority of my life has become everything that I hoped it would not be, I don't know why, but I feel it has been unfulfilling. If I could go back, I would not know what to change, because basically I don't know what i want.
It is sad that a large majority of us would never get to enjoy life to the fullest, get to do what we truly love or have to passion for and a larger majority would never be able to find this passion or love they desperately look or seek for and somehow no matter how i hoped i would never become the majority, I feel that it is somehow happening.
today was half-day, actually only 2 hours of school...
I was swamped with the major question of the day from all the IJ girls
"are you going back?"
I have actually thought of the question, but everytime I think of it somehow I did not feel the compulsion or the, not say passion, but the desire to go back.
What does teacher's day mean, to me it would be someone who has made a great impact on my life as a knowledge giver, someone who has taght me what it means to live life. For me, I have yet to come across a teacher, in profession terms, who has taught me this. Although the teacher or teachers, in profession terms, who have left great impressions on me were my teachers in my time in Ascension Kindergarten and my time in IJ primary. Maybe it was because they were at the vital stages of my life, which is why they are remembered most, maybe it is because they were the ones who set the foundation of the life I lead now.
Somehow through the years I have been in school I have lost the passion for teacher's day, I would not say it is due to, what the people in"high" places say, a 'lousy' education, ABSOULUTELY NOT!! Call me biased but I would not send my danghter (should I have one...) anywhere else but IJ. I would probably blame myself for it... after the age of 10 I lost the passion to study, school became something which I was indifferent to, it was like a struggle to live. To study was not spontaneous, it became a great compulsion. Constant ramblings like "work hard, and you will achieve great things and then you can reap the fruits of your labour. Lead a comfortable life." or "When you're at the top, you can be anything you want." did not drive me at all, to me it was just painful. To me, it was all about the quantity; it was what mattered to me. but somehow I managed to always reach the top of the population, perhaps by a fluke...EM1, Science stream, Triple science, only to end up at the bottom of the best. I did not know what I wanted, I did not know where to go, where my passion was at and what I'm actually good in. I was solely society-driven, and I bet you are too. Triple science was considered to best, EM1 was considered the best, NJC and HCI was considered the best. Till today I feel like I walk through life aimlessly, no personal aim. I cannot answer simple questions like "who, dead or alive, would you like to meet face-to-face" or "Who would you like to have breakfast with?" because frankly I have yet to come across a person who would instill such a desire i me to so as I would WANT to meet them. I feel I have walked down the wrong path and I've gone so far down it I cannot re-trace my steps anymore.
After school, the students went to find the teachers, the SJI boys went back to SJI, IJarians to IJ and the list goes on, everyone to their respective alma maters. Someone asked me "are you going back?" "no" "I don't know if I should go back....maybe i should just go after all so many people are going" How many out of the say, hundred who went back to IJ or anywhere else thought that? Are we just going back there because everyone else is, because it is tradition or custom to do so, out of duty-sake, because if it is, I would boldly say that they are a bunch of hypocrites. To think that they go under the cover of good intentions just to make themselves guilt-free is just revolting. I as a person would find it appalling. To me, if you do not have the heart, don't force it, you would just hate doing it time after time, just like a drug would make you feel.
The reason I gave as to why I wasn't going back was "I have nothing to go back for." which is true, for with every year I just worked towards the end of the year, or the holidays, never once taking a glance at the process. I just took what was given to me, with no desire to see who gave it, just do what was required of me. When I thought about it, it was rather sad, sad that I had nothing to go back for, when so many people did. I wondered why is it I did not manage to obtain or have this feeling, or rather why I lost it through my time in the education system. I kept thinking about it...friends tried to coax me into going but I somehow just did not want to. I felt that I had lost something.
Truth be told I'm not happy with my life, most parts of it at least. I don't know why I'm in a JC...I guess it's because it's considered to be the better part of the education system. I don't why I chose to study science...I guess it's because I want to do medicine...and I want to do medicine because it's lucrative and I want something that is lucrative probably influnced by my current situation and my great desire for luxury and to give my parents a good life as well. Maybe it was due to this that I have not been able to find depth that education holds for a person.
I love music, that is the one thing i know. Anything to do with music I love. I love to dance, I could say that it's something, or one of the only things in my life that I find joy in, as well as piano. That was taken from me or maybe I robbed it off of myself without knowing. I feel that a large majority of my life has become everything that I hoped it would not be, I don't know why, but I feel it has been unfulfilling. If I could go back, I would not know what to change, because basically I don't know what i want.
It is sad that a large majority of us would never get to enjoy life to the fullest, get to do what we truly love or have to passion for and a larger majority would never be able to find this passion or love they desperately look or seek for and somehow no matter how i hoped i would never become the majority, I feel that it is somehow happening.
Saturday, August 27, 2005
Today we danced our asses off on orchard road...
after 4 weeks of training...we finally got to show our stuff..
haha...
kudos to all the people who came down to support us outside taka...
and of course as well as to all 11 of us.
The trainings were hard
and it took immense amounts of time for us to move and groove as one...
but it all paid of in the end.
haha...somehow performing is what makes dance worthwhile
I mean the joy, happiness ,ecstacy that one get's when performing is contagious...
it's what makes dancing so enjoyable...
although you get so drained...the adrenaline just kicks in and you just feel so excited...haha....
I dunno, it's a feeling I hope to keep with me through my life...
the vivacity is what I wish to keep with me in all the ups and downs of my life.
I mean the aches, pains and incessant pratices are like the obstacles in life and how you try and try agian and again to reach the top and be the best of the ability and believe in yourself.
and I want to be able to look at what I've done and say THAT'S ME...ALL ME.
oh well, the day was just phenomenal.
thank you baby for coming down to support me...maybe one fine day I WILL be your xu sao...haha...and I'd love and hope to be with you every step of the way till the end of time...
I'm so glad I found an angel
Someone who was there when all my hopes fell
I wanna fly, looking in your eyes
Because you live, there's a reason why
I carry on when I lose the fight
I want to give what you've given me
Always
after 4 weeks of training...we finally got to show our stuff..
haha...
kudos to all the people who came down to support us outside taka...
and of course as well as to all 11 of us.
The trainings were hard
and it took immense amounts of time for us to move and groove as one...
but it all paid of in the end.
haha...somehow performing is what makes dance worthwhile
I mean the joy, happiness ,ecstacy that one get's when performing is contagious...
it's what makes dancing so enjoyable...
although you get so drained...the adrenaline just kicks in and you just feel so excited...haha....
I dunno, it's a feeling I hope to keep with me through my life...
the vivacity is what I wish to keep with me in all the ups and downs of my life.
I mean the aches, pains and incessant pratices are like the obstacles in life and how you try and try agian and again to reach the top and be the best of the ability and believe in yourself.
and I want to be able to look at what I've done and say THAT'S ME...ALL ME.
oh well, the day was just phenomenal.
thank you baby for coming down to support me...maybe one fine day I WILL be your xu sao...haha...and I'd love and hope to be with you every step of the way till the end of time...
I'm so glad I found an angel
Someone who was there when all my hopes fell
I wanna fly, looking in your eyes
Because you live, there's a reason why
I carry on when I lose the fight
I want to give what you've given me
Always
Monday, August 15, 2005
My comp is finally back..and fully alive...muahahaha...
today was just sleep mode...so tired...
physics pract...mr wee talks too much sometimes...
chem test...I THINK it went well, the calculations killed me
break...spent time with my baby and sean and the incident...haha....that was amusing
chem lect...organic chem, too many things to remember
math...relaxing, nothing much to do....
GP...as usual mr hoi was fun, haha....let us off early too
went to the library to catch up on yesterdays and todays news..
then to dance...what can I say...it was good. cleaning up and polishing of steps and stuff...it was good, I mean you usual experience the adrenaline rush when you remember all the stuff, after that is just all about enjoying the whole thing...and of course making the steps just look so damn good haha....although sonia's part i still haven't caught on...but I will. haha...met my baby. baby went to TP interchange to top-up my ez_link for me and also brought along a whole packet of sweets for me, I thought it was sweet...no pun intended. then bussed home on 156. met my sis and yes, hence the presence of a lightbulb, but it's okay...haha...
baby: you don't need to do big things for me...but it's the small little things that make -up the big things
=)
baby loves you!! muakz!!
dance like no one's watching...
today was just sleep mode...so tired...
physics pract...mr wee talks too much sometimes...
chem test...I THINK it went well, the calculations killed me
break...spent time with my baby and sean and the incident...haha....that was amusing
chem lect...organic chem, too many things to remember
math...relaxing, nothing much to do....
GP...as usual mr hoi was fun, haha....let us off early too
went to the library to catch up on yesterdays and todays news..
then to dance...what can I say...it was good. cleaning up and polishing of steps and stuff...it was good, I mean you usual experience the adrenaline rush when you remember all the stuff, after that is just all about enjoying the whole thing...and of course making the steps just look so damn good haha....although sonia's part i still haven't caught on...but I will. haha...met my baby. baby went to TP interchange to top-up my ez_link for me and also brought along a whole packet of sweets for me, I thought it was sweet...no pun intended. then bussed home on 156. met my sis and yes, hence the presence of a lightbulb, but it's okay...haha...
baby: you don't need to do big things for me...but it's the small little things that make -up the big things
=)
baby loves you!! muakz!!
dance like no one's watching...
Sunday, August 14, 2005
I'm still missing you
Like the storm misses the rain
Like a warm summers day
I'll be missing you always
I'm still breathing you
Like you're here in my arms
Like you're not even gone
Will I feel like this always?
Cause I'm still missing you...
It's a sunday and the weekend has flown by...
using my mum's comp cos my PC at home has gone into 'dead' mode....I mean like literally, it gives out this piercing 'beep' like a flat line in a hospital...
somehow the holidays are not enough...
somehow I have come to dread going to school, if not for my baby being there...
I was always rather indifferent towards going to school, as in I never hated it, never loved it...but now it's a totally different story.
even with the short week and stuff...I still feel so tired.
oh well, been preparing for tapestry, the busking thingamajig...being doubtful about my abilities in dancing. Seems to have been like that lately, doubting myself...especially since promos are coming...I have the fear there would be a replay of the mid-years and I'll be left behind. yeah...scared is how I've been feeling lately. I think I have yet to come to a point in life where I actually enjoy myself.
There is that inherent fear that you may be prevented from attaining the better things in life - those things that you consider essential to your well-being.
The only thing I am confident in, is GP. Ssomehow we connect and I've managed to get the hang of it and I'm happy to where I've got. haha...although I don't score As for it...at least I'm happy with the pieces of work i submit and proud of it too.
today, was just church....then to market, to market, I went with my mummy and then for lunch I had ban mian again..haha...somehow it always tastes so good.....haha. Promos are soon to be here...so I need to be gone to study...
hold me close to you
never let me go...
Like the storm misses the rain
Like a warm summers day
I'll be missing you always
I'm still breathing you
Like you're here in my arms
Like you're not even gone
Will I feel like this always?
Cause I'm still missing you...
It's a sunday and the weekend has flown by...
using my mum's comp cos my PC at home has gone into 'dead' mode....I mean like literally, it gives out this piercing 'beep' like a flat line in a hospital...
somehow the holidays are not enough...
somehow I have come to dread going to school, if not for my baby being there...
I was always rather indifferent towards going to school, as in I never hated it, never loved it...but now it's a totally different story.
even with the short week and stuff...I still feel so tired.
oh well, been preparing for tapestry, the busking thingamajig...being doubtful about my abilities in dancing. Seems to have been like that lately, doubting myself...especially since promos are coming...I have the fear there would be a replay of the mid-years and I'll be left behind. yeah...scared is how I've been feeling lately. I think I have yet to come to a point in life where I actually enjoy myself.
There is that inherent fear that you may be prevented from attaining the better things in life - those things that you consider essential to your well-being.
The only thing I am confident in, is GP. Ssomehow we connect and I've managed to get the hang of it and I'm happy to where I've got. haha...although I don't score As for it...at least I'm happy with the pieces of work i submit and proud of it too.
today, was just church....then to market, to market, I went with my mummy and then for lunch I had ban mian again..haha...somehow it always tastes so good.....haha. Promos are soon to be here...so I need to be gone to study...
hold me close to you
never let me go...
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
Saw this quiz on jea's blog and decided to take it...I would say it's 95% accurate, maybe a little more...haha.
if you wanna take it you can go HERE. I'll just post my results...
Enough is enough - you feel frustrated and rejected. You are fighting back and the going is tough. It would be just wonderful if you could be left in peace.
You enjoy taking part in anything that may constitute fun and excitement. You need to be stimulated and need to feel that 'Life is worth living' and you are awaiting that stimulation and you don't particularly care where it comes from!
Enough is enough - but the problems never seem to stop. They never stop. You feel, and maybe you are right, that the problems seem to go on and on and you have indeed had more than your fair share of trials and tribulations. But to give you credit - you bounce back time and time again - you stick to your beliefs because deep down you have that inner knowledge, that 'belief' system that in the end, everything will turn out OK - and you are right -it will!
As of late, you have been experiencing untold stress and this is a result of continuous frustration. You haven't been taking care of all your physical needs and it's beginning to show. It would seem that you have a need to find someone to whom you can really relate - someone perhaps whose standards are as high as your own. You want to be different - to be individualistic - to stand out from the common herd. Your inherent control of your sensual instincts is restricting your ability to give yourself to open up freely but this being on your own, being lonely, often makes you feel the need to give up some of your strict standards to surrender to the general flow - to be like everyone else; a part of the herd. Deep down you regard such instincts as weaknesses to be overcome. You would like to be loved or admired for yourself alone. You demand recognition and tender loving care.
There is that inherent fear that you may be prevented from attaining the better things in life - those things that you consider essential to your well-being. So you are prepared to try everything to prove to yourself that whatever you do or try will go wrong. This destructive attitude could come under the heading of 'a self fulfilling prophecy'. This belittling yourself is your method of disguising how hopeless and what a waste of time you feel that everything is. So now turn it about. As you 'think', so you are... So 'imagine' yourself successful. 'Pretend', 'act it out' and you may be pleasantly surprised at the outcome.
if you wanna take it you can go HERE. I'll just post my results...
Enough is enough - you feel frustrated and rejected. You are fighting back and the going is tough. It would be just wonderful if you could be left in peace.
You enjoy taking part in anything that may constitute fun and excitement. You need to be stimulated and need to feel that 'Life is worth living' and you are awaiting that stimulation and you don't particularly care where it comes from!
Enough is enough - but the problems never seem to stop. They never stop. You feel, and maybe you are right, that the problems seem to go on and on and you have indeed had more than your fair share of trials and tribulations. But to give you credit - you bounce back time and time again - you stick to your beliefs because deep down you have that inner knowledge, that 'belief' system that in the end, everything will turn out OK - and you are right -it will!
As of late, you have been experiencing untold stress and this is a result of continuous frustration. You haven't been taking care of all your physical needs and it's beginning to show. It would seem that you have a need to find someone to whom you can really relate - someone perhaps whose standards are as high as your own. You want to be different - to be individualistic - to stand out from the common herd. Your inherent control of your sensual instincts is restricting your ability to give yourself to open up freely but this being on your own, being lonely, often makes you feel the need to give up some of your strict standards to surrender to the general flow - to be like everyone else; a part of the herd. Deep down you regard such instincts as weaknesses to be overcome. You would like to be loved or admired for yourself alone. You demand recognition and tender loving care.
There is that inherent fear that you may be prevented from attaining the better things in life - those things that you consider essential to your well-being. So you are prepared to try everything to prove to yourself that whatever you do or try will go wrong. This destructive attitude could come under the heading of 'a self fulfilling prophecy'. This belittling yourself is your method of disguising how hopeless and what a waste of time you feel that everything is. So now turn it about. As you 'think', so you are... So 'imagine' yourself successful. 'Pretend', 'act it out' and you may be pleasantly surprised at the outcome.
Monday, August 08, 2005
well....it's almost national day...
so I wish all Singaporeans a happy national day...
having lived here my entire life, I admit there are times that were unbearable...
times where I thought the grass is greener on the other side...
times when I just couldn't bear the way things are carried out and done in this place....
times when I just couldn't stand being associated with Singaporeans, what with all the attitude problems and horrendous english and what not...
you might as well be swearing and cursing me at your computer right now, I mean all this stuff wouldn't really affect me...I am Malaysian....
but then again, when you go across the causeway and you look around, you somehow start to appreciate what was on the other side. and when you watch the news, with people blowing up at different spots across the world, shooting each other and all that depressing stuff, one starts to look at this little island from a different point of view.
I guess I am lucky to be here.... =)
I feel I'm burning out...
so I wish all Singaporeans a happy national day...
having lived here my entire life, I admit there are times that were unbearable...
times where I thought the grass is greener on the other side...
times when I just couldn't bear the way things are carried out and done in this place....
times when I just couldn't stand being associated with Singaporeans, what with all the attitude problems and horrendous english and what not...
you might as well be swearing and cursing me at your computer right now, I mean all this stuff wouldn't really affect me...I am Malaysian....
but then again, when you go across the causeway and you look around, you somehow start to appreciate what was on the other side. and when you watch the news, with people blowing up at different spots across the world, shooting each other and all that depressing stuff, one starts to look at this little island from a different point of view.
I guess I am lucky to be here.... =)
I feel I'm burning out...
Friday, August 05, 2005
it's friday...
TGIF...haha...
and I'm sitting here doing vocab, got so sick of flipping through the dictionary, so I decided to use the on-line one...see the wonders of technology. But then all this could lead to the extinction of books, because everything can be done on-line or at a computer with just a touch of a button, and maybe in the future we wouldn't even need ot to press a button. I for one think that books are timeless, there are very few things that can beat the enjoyment of just sitting in a quiet place with a good book...I mean imagine lugging that laptop, setting it down on the ground, open the laptop switch it on, wait for it to boot-up. wait. wait. wait. open the file or log-on to the internet and then sit yourself down and then start reading and scrolling. with a book all you have to do is sit down, open it and start reading. I'm thankful that my mother had instilled this reading habit, not many have adopted it and I really admire people who read widely, whatever the material. I hope i can do this for my children, if I ever have any.....haha...
I feel like eating ice-cream....
I'm so tired, I'm so happy I got all the projects out of the way, or at least the chem one and I no longer have to worry about the stupid PW for a while now.
anyway the day was slow moving....maybe it was because of the lack of sleep last night, but it did pass....ewnt for dance to learn the dance for the busking thingamajig. i caught on fast...so proud of myself. went home....bathed and started a little work and now I'm here.
going to eat dinner soon...
I wanna sleep...
I miss my baby...I wanna hug so bad...
oh well...there's still tomorrow...
us at the esplanade
TGIF...haha...
and I'm sitting here doing vocab, got so sick of flipping through the dictionary, so I decided to use the on-line one...see the wonders of technology. But then all this could lead to the extinction of books, because everything can be done on-line or at a computer with just a touch of a button, and maybe in the future we wouldn't even need ot to press a button. I for one think that books are timeless, there are very few things that can beat the enjoyment of just sitting in a quiet place with a good book...I mean imagine lugging that laptop, setting it down on the ground, open the laptop switch it on, wait for it to boot-up. wait. wait. wait. open the file or log-on to the internet and then sit yourself down and then start reading and scrolling. with a book all you have to do is sit down, open it and start reading. I'm thankful that my mother had instilled this reading habit, not many have adopted it and I really admire people who read widely, whatever the material. I hope i can do this for my children, if I ever have any.....haha...
I feel like eating ice-cream....
I'm so tired, I'm so happy I got all the projects out of the way, or at least the chem one and I no longer have to worry about the stupid PW for a while now.
anyway the day was slow moving....maybe it was because of the lack of sleep last night, but it did pass....ewnt for dance to learn the dance for the busking thingamajig. i caught on fast...so proud of myself. went home....bathed and started a little work and now I'm here.
going to eat dinner soon...
I wanna sleep...
I miss my baby...I wanna hug so bad...
oh well...there's still tomorrow...
us at the esplanade
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
it's wednesday....
yay!!!
just came back from dance...baby's still at training.
today was just today....nothing much...
3 hour block period for pw to complete the dreaded written report...which we didn't finish as much as I hoped we would. I dunno...maybe we shouldn't have taken such a long break or something, I for one that it was achievable to have it done by today. Anyway after that was gp mock....it was the most horrible piece of crap that I've ever written, I wouldn't be surprised if I fail or if I wrote out of point and I fail...it was just horrendous...I mean I couldn't think of anything to write and I was trying to breath through my nose, which was not very effective...cos it resulted in my mucus going down my bloody throat...which made me feel very uncomfortable and I had to clear my throat. I kept doing that like so many times....omg...it was the slowest moving ever piece of shit I wrote.
went for dance later...played games cos ryan was outta town and yeah...it was quite fun, a good productive seesion with, got to know more people and yeah....talked to more people, mixed around...so yeah...now I'm home...blogging...
I need to organise myself....what am I going to do about promos and tomorrow's math test and yeah....chem project, written report...omg...my brain is so damn swarmped...*whines*I need help...and I still sound like a duck...and as if a duick doesn't sound nasal enough I sound like a nasal duck...bleah!!!
I had the whole package for like 2,3 days....caught a cold at uncle wayne's wedding, actually it was pretty much imminent, but the coldness of the ballroom worsened my condition. It was absolutely terrible at least I felt absolutely terrible, and still having to drag myself to school too....haha...baby was so worried, he kept asking me to take my meds, lent me his jacket during lectures and stuff, and everytime I coughed he got so worried...and he came by my house after school to check on me, to see if I'm alright...I love my baby boy soooooooo much...haha. I just hope he didn't catch anything from me...
I love you so much baby...
thank you...
yay!!!
just came back from dance...baby's still at training.
today was just today....nothing much...
3 hour block period for pw to complete the dreaded written report...which we didn't finish as much as I hoped we would. I dunno...maybe we shouldn't have taken such a long break or something, I for one that it was achievable to have it done by today. Anyway after that was gp mock....it was the most horrible piece of crap that I've ever written, I wouldn't be surprised if I fail or if I wrote out of point and I fail...it was just horrendous...I mean I couldn't think of anything to write and I was trying to breath through my nose, which was not very effective...cos it resulted in my mucus going down my bloody throat...which made me feel very uncomfortable and I had to clear my throat. I kept doing that like so many times....omg...it was the slowest moving ever piece of shit I wrote.
went for dance later...played games cos ryan was outta town and yeah...it was quite fun, a good productive seesion with, got to know more people and yeah....talked to more people, mixed around...so yeah...now I'm home...blogging...
I need to organise myself....what am I going to do about promos and tomorrow's math test and yeah....chem project, written report...omg...my brain is so damn swarmped...*whines*I need help...and I still sound like a duck...and as if a duick doesn't sound nasal enough I sound like a nasal duck...bleah!!!
I had the whole package for like 2,3 days....caught a cold at uncle wayne's wedding, actually it was pretty much imminent, but the coldness of the ballroom worsened my condition. It was absolutely terrible at least I felt absolutely terrible, and still having to drag myself to school too....haha...baby was so worried, he kept asking me to take my meds, lent me his jacket during lectures and stuff, and everytime I coughed he got so worried...and he came by my house after school to check on me, to see if I'm alright...I love my baby boy soooooooo much...haha. I just hope he didn't catch anything from me...
I love you so much baby...
thank you...
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
What day is it
And in what month
This clock never seemed so alive
I can't keep up and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time
Cause it's you and me and all of the people
Nothing to do, nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people and
I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you
All of the things that I want to say
Just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping on words, you got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here
Cause it's you and me and all of the people
With nothing to do, nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all of the people and
I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off you
Something about you now
I can't quite figure out
Everything YOU do is beautiful
Everything YOU do is right
Cause it's you and me and all of the people
With nothing to do, nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people and
I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of
You and me and all of the people
With nothing to do nothin to prove and
It's you and me and all of the people and
I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you
What day is it
And in what month
This clock never seemed so alive
You and Me Lifehouse
And in what month
This clock never seemed so alive
I can't keep up and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time
Cause it's you and me and all of the people
Nothing to do, nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people and
I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you
All of the things that I want to say
Just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping on words, you got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here
Cause it's you and me and all of the people
With nothing to do, nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all of the people and
I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off you
Something about you now
I can't quite figure out
Everything YOU do is beautiful
Everything YOU do is right
Cause it's you and me and all of the people
With nothing to do, nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people and
I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of
You and me and all of the people
With nothing to do nothin to prove and
It's you and me and all of the people and
I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you
What day is it
And in what month
This clock never seemed so alive
You and Me Lifehouse
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