Sleep hasn't had much of an affinity to me. I wonder why...but I seem to sleep better on nights that I'm not consciously stressed, although that's pretty relative. Sleeping more doesn't seem to help much and definitely not sleeping less...I'm pretty much at my wits end as to solving this issue.I do wonder if sleeping is considered a luxury, coming to university or at least NUS? Schooling never seemed to be this imbalanced since I came here....

on a side note...it's songs like this that make me feel happy cos I think about you :)

It's like catching lightening 
The chances of of finding, someone like you 
It's one in a million 
The chances of feeling the way we do 
And with every step together 
We just keep on getting better 
So can I have this dance? 
Can I have this dance?

In that still and settled place
There's nobody but you
You're where I breathe me oxygen
You're where I see my view
And when the world feels full of noise
My heart knows what to do
It finds that still and settled
And dances there with you

-HAPPINESS by Edward Monkton

Thank you Erika and Ethel =)

It's all over, the concert's over and so's my birthday.

Concert was a blast. Can't help but think that all us Shaun's people bonded well through all the crap and stuff. At least we delivered the finished product well and people actually thought the item was good. The bitching we did at the side waiting to go on will be greatly missed especially all the remarks made by Teck Nam. Although I can't help thinking that it just happened in times of hardship and we'll just go back to being what we all were before the concert happened

My birthday was rather quiet. Celebrations were rather small. Thanks to all the people who smsed me and wished me Happy Birthday =). The day went as usual, headed to school...had my mid-term for LSM2101. It didn't turn out that bad, neither did it turn out good...but I sort of decided that there was no use getting upset over it? Had lunch and then went for the next 2 lectures. After which I headed to UCC and ben's mum and dad picked jie and me and we headed to west mall for dinner.

Dinner was good, even got a picture taken. Ben drove us back home and picked guin on the way. It kind of hit me when I came home and I was sitting in my room. This is what happens when you've got nothing to do, you think.

I realised the day was just empty. It wasn't that somebody was late...it just wasn't what I wanted, I think. I've come to the conclusion that I'm not good at keeping my emotions to myself as I well as I would like to. If I'm angry it shows and if I'm upset, I find it hard to hide it if my feelings are hurt or something. I like to think I'm a strong person, so I hate crying in front of people, ESPECIALLY in front of people I don't know. I keep a lot of stuff to myself and if I face any problems I pretty much keep it to myself and eventually it'll get solved.

It sounds pretty self-destructive, I know. I'm guessing owing to all the bottling up of emotions for many years is why I'm finding it hard to keep my emotions under control now. Sometimes I wish I never had any. If you've read this far, I don't know what you think I'm feeling now...perhaps frustration?

I'm getting into the clingy mood again. Telling your heart to 'shut the hell up' when it's crying out for companionship and to listen to a reason like 'studies come first' is the fucking hardest shit to do. I HATE it when I get into this phase. There's no point in talking about it, cos you can't do anything about it and it just makes everyone frustrated. Is it me? Cos I feel like I'm the only one who feels this way and I have no idea what to do about it. Sometimes I just wish I never met you, or just stay away from me, then I wouldn't be this messed up but then again I don't know what I want. I just wanna be busy as hell so at least I don't have a reason to think about what's not there.

Well now...I seem to be having many problems with the admin crap...
First I didn't get LSM1202 (General Physiology) which is essential for some modules if I decide switch my life science specialisation to biology...hence IMPORTANT!! They didn't seem to think so...probably a blessing in disguise what with the terrible combination of core modules I have and gen physio being hard to score. I shall do it on SEP (student exchange programme)...muahaha.

So now I ballot for tutorials...like wth...I ballot at like a bit after 9 (maybe 10mins) and then the result I got back is...class has no space. Probably because I have a lot of tutorials to ballot for and I ranked it as fourth cos my bahasa tutorials had to be ranked too, so I didn't get it. TODAY I go in at 10...and I find that there are only 3 slots left and out of the 2 I only can do 1, cos I'm having lecture during the other 2. The result being...NO SPACE!!! Like wth... -_-..... now I have to go see gan about the tutorial...but with luck I'll get my 1-2 slot heehee...

Anyways...while viewing the gummy bear song, which baby introduced to me...(bet you didn't know there was one...well there's an ALBUM actually o.O) I came across something else which was extremely funny. They are a series of clips from a segment of The Muppets. The puppet (i think he's puppet...after all it's the muppets) supposedly speaks in swedish cos he's the Swedish chef, but there are snippets of english so you do know what's going on most of the time.

This was the one I found the most funny... but you can go browse around and view the rest



Before I forget, the gummy bear song...haha...it's rather creepy

Special sem's over and school's gonna start next week...
I have never had such a big problem with bidding in my life =( I should have put more "money" down argh!! now I am panicking and scrambling for a bloody mod to do *rolls eyes*
I seem to be rather animated in my post today. Probably it's because I've nothing to do. I just ironed all the clothes and washed my hamster cage.

Went to town to service my phone AGAIN!! This phone seems to be giving me so many bloody problems. It's the 4th time i'm going back with distortion sounds and a faulty on/off button. For me, 4 times is way too many for a phone that's barely even a year old. I got there at 3.40pm and then was told that I had to wait 1 hour for my turn. I was like O.O, so I went to walk around...went to charles and keith and nine west to look at shoes I can't afford and then to mango to check out the sale...which being me, am too stingy to spend on and I headed back at 4.20pm. I waited to be served until 5 which I tried my best to be anal about my phone which constantly seems to be having problems the conclusion being that they'll try to repair the button _-_..... rightss....

So I rushed back to school to meet baby's mum, in process which I almost got hit by a car and I'm serious. I checked both ways on the street and when I was about to cross, this van came out from behind me and almost hit me. I was like WTF O.O luckily i backed away fast enough. I was extremely freaked. I stood there and made a sign of apology cos I probably scared him quite bad too and walked over to the four seasons bus stop. O.O

Bussed back to school and got there about 6 passed the stuff to baby's mum and went for dance rehearsal. AS7 was like a sauna, there was absolutely no air-conditioning where we were although it looked like it did. Learnt a few more combis and completed the 3rd song. Headed home and we now have a new PC >.< yay!!!

So, now I shall continue to wait for registered mail to arrive.

In the mean time...The Next Wave'08 19 & 20th Septemer BUY TICKETS FROM ME!!! 20% off prices are

CAT 1 - $20.00 ($16.20)

CAT 2 - $17.00($13.80)

CAT 3 - $13.00($10.60)

I'm looking to change my blog skin, but I have yet to find a suitable one. I've seen a few nice ones, but they're either not me....or the place to write stuff in is just way too small.
oh wells...

No school today....Thursday's gonna be my first lab session. A taste of 8 hours of continuous lesson. I'm scared looking at the stuff that we're gonna learn and do, it's pretty daunting for a person like me whom I believe only has a brain of sub-standard size (you know what I mean...). Now that I think about it...I can't believe that I'm actually doing LSM2202, it feels once more like I'm about to just kill myself. We'll just wait and see, I suppose I'll take it as it comes. It's gonna be really busy and I can't believe what's going to happen when Next Wave preparations come in. As of now, every thing's pretty quiet.

I've been awake for an hour already, with some serious sinus issues...and I have not eaten breakfast. I shall go do that soon...and then get down to reading all the notes and stuff. Can't wait for the next Labrador trip....going to go there with baby =) and I'll be able to show him all the amazing stuff there. Maybe even see how we work and stuff.

could you be anymore irresponsible???

I'm at home...all alone....

you see, normally I'd really appreciate this, but I've nothing to do. So I'm utterly bored and irritated out of my mind. I'm not working, the BASF kids' lab is over, so I've got some money in my bank...well soon to be there...and nothing to do. The desktop is officially down, so I can't really play the sims which usually helps the time pass...so I'm pretty much screwed for today. I'm sorta in a super-bored-but-don't-wanna-do-housework mood.

I have this strong urge to just go out to town or bugis street by myself and buy a bag and some clothes for myself. Or actually just walk around by myself, mostly just so that the time will pass faster.

I'm in super irritating, attention-seeking mood...can't describe it...but it's such a girlie thing that I'm really starting to irritate and disgust myself...like wth...somebody help ME!!!

At least school starts next Tuesday O.o

It's halfway through the hols now.
A 3 month holiday shortened to less than a month...I'm starting to think that I do nothing but stuff to do with school...sounds kinda sad actually.

I've an absolute slacker for the pass few days...just playing the sims and going for dance. I have never played so much sims in my life...haha.

Packed the dance wardrobe on Tuesday and the amount of costumes that we have is HUGE and the fact that it could fit in that tiny cupboard is just unbelievable. The cupboard was dusty and some of the costumes were uncomfortably moist having been kept in an air-conditioned room. But it was quite cool looking at all the interesting costumes that we've worn over the years...haha. Dance has been amazing...this choreography that we learnt is just so beautiful, it just makes you feel so much =). It was meant for the RP festival and as usual I didn't get in to do it. I just don't know what's missing sometimes and trying so hard is just getting frustrating...then you remember that you just can't give up. Whenever I look in the mirror and dance, I just think I look extremely weird.

Was supposed to go to Malaysia on Friday but the plans were canceled without my knowing so I felt like and idiot sitting at home watching movies to pass the time and surfing around till 5 pm which was when I felt something was wrong.

I think I have found something I want and would love to do for the rest of my life. haha...that would require me to switch specialisation though. I could still do the same thing with a Biomedical science specialisation. I have this thought a specialisation in Biology does not have as big a furture as biomed...I wonder how true that is.

Anyway, if you would like to see the choreo it's below...it just makes me think I'll never make it there

It's all over...the exams are done with...
As usual there's the strange feeling of emptiness and a hole in my time that remains to be filled up with the time that I used to use for dance, projects, homework and studying.

It makes one feel so free...that you're bored. I was watching stardust last night, one of the best love stories played out and an amazing fantasy story told by Neil Gaiman. I shall be reading the book to see how the story originally is. I have been starved of a good book for way too long, it's been journals all this sem and projects last sem...like omg...the sort of creativity that you read or come acorss in good fiction books is just kind of suppressed in the midst of all the business of school. Meanwhile, maybe I shall move on to read Neverwhere.

So close yet so far...I feel like I'm about to explode

So, exams start in 2 weeks and my driving test is next week...

Just had genetics test today....needless to say my mind was totally blank. I even forgot how to do the punnet square and when I remembered, it took me so long to do the question. Itw as just so messy and confusing. It's times like this that you really hate yourself. Well, it's over anyway....and I should mug for the rest now.

It's so much easier when you're busy and have things to do. It makes you feel better about what's not here with you or rather helps you not dwell on it. Time seems to move so slowly.

You try not to think of it, but it hits you when you look at people. You can't help but be reminded about the loneliness that you feel....

IT'S OVER!!!!
well not quite...but the 35 pages worth of words and diagrams is in =)

I swear, that was the bane during these few weeks...
always something wrong...not enough...I was about to go into serious depression, cos I did nothing but that and study for the tests that I didn't have time for...

so it's in, all that's left is viva and congress...
which means I have to read up everything again to refresh and do up presentation slides that would intrigue people who have never heard of whatever we've researched on for a whole 15 minutes....

nothing too tough 0_0

I really need a LOOOOOOOOOOOONG break....a really long break.

I'm not gonna stop 
That's who I am 
I'll give it all I got 
That is my plan 

It's amazing how time flies....
it's like week 11 of sem 2...the review is due next week, congress is in 2 weeks...madness is what I call it.

I'm at home today cos I've only got lessons from 4-6pm today....waste of time I know...my timetable this sem really sucks like crap. Which is also why I can't wait for this sem to be over and done with...bleah!!!

It's nice to be home...I can like go take a nap whenever I want on my bed...watch TV whenever I want (I wish...) rather than stuck in school eating school food. Is it me being picky...because it seems every time I go down to have lunch or dinner in the science canteen and I look at the food...the taste of it seems to resurface in my mouth and it just totally turns you off. I have no idea why....when I was in CJ or IJ it was hardly like that. Traveling to another faculty is feasible if you have time and nothing much to do...but you see that just isn't how it is for me. So I'm just stuck there.

Sleep is another basic essential I SERIOUSLY lack. It seems to be a constant and yet fruitless pursuit for many uni students, regardless the length of time the person's been studying there. Once you get it back...something comes along to just throw it off again. Is it really a phase EVERYBODY has to go through and somehow you get used to sleeping for only like 4 or 5 hours a day? Cos I seriously don't seem to be catching on.

I need to get out. It's just suffocating seeing nothing but school and home....it just seems to have gotten so bad that staying away from work for a day is just not enough.

It just makes you want to scream till you have exhausted all your energy so you feel better.

loneliness...isn't enough to describe how I feel

It's late...I should be asleep but I am troubled...

I feel guilty, but yet I feel that I have done no wrong...

I don't know what to feel...

HELLO!!!

Yes, I haven't posted since the start of school, so here I am.

Had a genetics test today...was a bit screwed, cos I switched question halfway cos I realised the question I was doing wasn't as easy as I thought...probably cos I didn't really have the time to put much thought into that journal paper. I switched...so everything was pretty okay until the last part, I was trying so hard to remember where I saw the information in the midst of the 12 pages of research accounts and diagrams...I actually missed one whole part and I only saw it at the end. oh well...it wouldn't really be the first time I messed up a CA.

For the CNY break...it was just pretty much exhausting...sitting in the car for hours to get from place to place. My butt hurt so much, must have gotten lousy due to the lack of long road trips for a while. Went to the usual places again...my dad side to see people we don't see for like 364 days a year and back to my mum's side. After which everyone from my mum's side came down to spend 4 days here.

The house was just super noisy...mmmm...noisy has bad connotations...maybe FULL? There was just people everywhere, so full of chatter...it was a bit noisy...like somehow the old people voices resonant from one part of the house to the other without the sound waves loosing any energy whatsoever. People hardly went out...so it was just pretty much saturated with people most of the time. It had its good points as well, so it wasn't that bad. Everyone then headed back yesterday, so the house is much quieter now.

Tommorrow's Valentines day, the day everyone complains is too commercialised and that all the businesses out there are capitilising on it to make some extra profit on this supposed celebration of love. Not forgetting all those people out there who think "it should be Valentines day EVERYDAY" if you're in a relationship.

Frankly, I'm getting a little irritated by all this complaining. I mean somehow people only seem to complain about Valentines day....what about Christmas? Chinese New Year? Your own birthday? You mean businesses don't capitalise on these special days of the calendar? Like give me a break...everyday should be Valentines day? Then why should we only give presents and all that celebration on a person's birthday? Everyday should be a persons birthday...I guess that either means we give each other presents everyday or since everyday is someones birthday why should any other day be different. I mean...a special day is a special day...it's there for a reason...so people should just relax, cos without them life would just be that much less interesting for all of us...which isn't something we want in this day and age.

Today is a good day =)

I realised I haven't posted since last year...haha...been sort of enjoying the hols.

If it's not being the resident maid, since I'm home most of the time. Been trying to brush up on my driving as well...test is next Tuesday, which actually causes me to miss my very first biodiversity lecture of the year, hence I really hope everything goes really well =)

Headed out early today to spend some quality time with my baby for this week...had my favourite ban mian over there and then headed down for dance at 3, which was pretty much hell. We've been doing this same routine since before dance camp and I'm pretty much getting sick of this song by rosemary clooney. Doing it over and over again, so damn tired, at least today I was able to do my double pirouette. Right now, my feet hurt and I have 2 blisters on both of my big toes, one of which has broken, hopefully it doesn't affect my driving.

Anyways, school starts next monday...so school, here I come.

I'm not in the best of moods right now...so I'm here to vent lest I offend someone in this damn house.

Like WTF...you think no one here has a bloody life is it? Like you just want people to switch their plans just because of you...then FUCK YOU!! Who the hell do you think you are man?!?! You record your business appointments like nobody's business and you don't even give a fuck about anything else. Always bloody complaining that we don't tell you early enough, we don't even remind you...well how 'bout I give you a suggestion....write it down in that HUGE damn book you seem to call a planner only when it comes to making business appointments.

Yes people are guests...but normal humans would you know, at least tell people that their coming down in advance...so WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!!! As of now... I really feel like just doing my own things, like you don't even care about anyone else but your damn self. Like why the hell should I give a damn about you when you don't even give a shit about me...

Oh...and could you just make up your bloody mind...one minute you wanna come, the next you don't...like wth...just say you don't wanna come already...spare me the suspense will you. You don't seem to get the situation do you? After SO bloody long...you just don't get what she's like...asking me to do this and that, as if I didn't think of that. If she bloody says no...then I can't really do anything. I wanna see you, you wanna see me (I assume so....) at least help me out a little here...if not...then just bloody hell get lost

Today was a good day out...rather productive if you ask me...haha...

Baby came over in the afternoon and we did some re-scaping of the tank =) and put up our black oyama paper (It's some sticky paper that you put on the back of the tank to make it look nicer on the inside...) now the neon tetras look really good against the black background.

After hanging around, ate lunch and then decided to head to queensway to buy me some shoes, cos the sole of my current shoe is about to come off anytime soon =) I saw this really nice pair of low dunks at AMK last night and thought I might be able to find the same design. We went to so many shops and they all only had the such small sizes cos it was nike junior...haha....so we went traipsing from store to store looking at other shoes and I kept seeing THAT shoe but they only had in the size 3, 5.5...just not mine...then came this store and I happened to see it on display in a larger size...so I asked if they had my size...and they started to calling the warehouse and stuff...and omg...the man appeared with the box =) haha...I was damn happy...

On a random note...I would kill to dance like the girl on the right...

If wars break down, I will come for you
If angels cry oh I’ll be there for you
You saved my soul
Don’t leave me now
Don’t leave me now

-Rule the world by Take That (from stardust)

OMG...my exams are over...

actually they were over on Thursday...but I kind of didn't have time to come blog about it. Anyway, yesterday morning went to the Airport to send Chuang Yang and Michelle off to NY...was quite sad...I'll miss her so much when she's gone.

After that baby and I went for a buffet lunch at Orchard Hotel Galleria...the food was pretty good...I esp loved the clam chowder and the cheese with crackers. The cheese was like extremely heavenly and stuff. Didn't really have space for ice-cream though. We left and decided to head home to do come stuff for our fish tank...I really think the tank is looking pretty good...haha...what with all the plants and stuff all around. We have like 44 fish in the tank currently; 8 super hyper zebra danios, 10 cherry barbs, 18 neon tetras, 4 SAEs (Siamese Algae Eaters), 2 bronze corydoras (corydoras aeneus) and 2 peppered corydoras. The last Panda corydoras died the night before. I actually had 4 of them...but 3 of them like disappeared...I have no idea where they went...they didn't jump out and I highly doubt any of them gotten eaten by any of the other fish.

I feel like a gold fish tank now...

Just a little smthg other than stuff that I did during the day, I tool some colourgenetics quiz on gerri's blog, similar to the one I took last time...I think 1 or 2 yrs ago...it's somewhere in the archives....you can go try it out if i you wish, it's pretty accurate =)

Much of the time you are preoccupied with things of an intensely exciting nature. You need stimulation and variation with all matters pertaining to your life. You want to be regarded as an exciting and interesting personality being able to charm and influence others. You use powerful strategies with predictable outcomes so as to avoid endangering your chances of success or undermining other people's confidence in you.

You are lazy - you dream of a peaceful, calm, uncluttered and uncomplicated life. Your ideal would be to share a permanent base with some person or persons who would be able to demonstrate on-going love, peace and security.

At times one is burdened with more than one's fair share of problems and this would appear to be your situation at present. But you are adamant - you know what you wish to achieve - and by giving a little and taking a little you may well find that the realization of your dreams could become a reality.

You are being unduly influenced by the situation that is all around you. You do not like the feeling of loneliness and whatever it is that seems to separate you from others. You know that life can be wonderful and you are anxious to experience life in all its aspects, to live it to the full. You therefore resent any restriction or limitations that are being imposed on you and you insist on going it alone.

You don't like authority and you rebel against all forms of limitation. You are your own person and you intend to stay that way and to get on in the world simply by your hard work and determination.

I just wonder, what happened to that little boy in me....he seems a little far away....

I have been feeling so unsettled...not the worried unsettled...but the can't sit down and study unsettled.

I am majorly frustrated, pissed off and irritated at this....I am desperately trying to sit and study but I just CANNOT!!! Like WTH!!!

I just cannot seem to sit down and study, if i'm not sleepy i'm just NOT HERE!! I don't know why....I DON'T KNOW WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just want to study....why in the world is it so damn fucking hard to do just it!!!