Saturday, July 30, 2005

it's saturday...yup!
and I woke up with a sore throat....
I'm trying to do the written report thingamajig por pw...which is slowly taking over my whole life....
as if that's not enough, there's still the chem project thingie on that stupid fish dying...I mean what lind of moron would put his fish in lab water. Even if it went through the best filter, I wouldn't put my pet fish in that water.
I'm at papa's office today.
The whole week has been rough, just so tired easily, esp mentally...i need a break so badly and I probably won't get one till the end of september...3months to go.
My mind is constantly worried about something...which makes me feel so tired...
I wanna go home...got some dinner tonight, so gotta dress up and go for it...and tomorrow will be church once more plus lunch with erika, which i am very much looking forward to. =)

Sunday, July 24, 2005

it's sunday....
and in a flash just like that the weekened shall be over...
I wanna sleeeeeeeep, although I've sleeping a lot and early the past few days.....
I just need to sit and not worry about too many things..it's like millions, billions and gazillions of stuff runnning through my head, and there's this idea that there's no time left or something.
anyhow, today was church at 10...talked to my baby in the morning...haha...to hear his voice in the morning is just so nice. dum di dum...chruch was fine...the usual stuff....it wasn't too cold. I mean didn't bring a jacket, so it would make complete sense to sit under the air-conditioning instead of in it's direction wher it would blow all that cold wind into you.
Then we went to pizza hut in auntie rosanna's car to use up our $40 voucher we won during bible quiz. Her car is so cool, it's like got this electronic screen thingie on her dashboard and there's like a main menu and stuff. It also shows you how the car is aligned and stuff when you park, so you can see if it's a perfect park or if you're just plain lousy and stuff. If you've see something like that, then please don't tell me you have and let me bask in this moment of fascination if you might. ordered a nice set meal or 6 with soup, 2 pizzas, 2 pitchers of drink one beef lasagne and pasta...twas a good meal...we sat there for like 2 or 3 hours and talked about JC and stuff...
then went home, hung up the clothes, bathed and now I am doing my AQ on crime and punishment and will have to go out soon....dum di dum...

I miss people...and person too....

Thursday, July 21, 2005

I'm pissed...although pissed would be kind of strong to be used in this case...and yet upset just doesn't cut it. I didn't want to say this because I thought it would be rather pointless, and I didn't see it's worth in me continuing the little debate
I'm going to be blatant about this.
I'm quite disappointed at what was said, I mean I least expected you to be the one to say such things. If you don't know anything about something...just keep your opinions to yourself. Although that may be a bit harsh. fine, you can have your own opinions but I'd appreciate it if don't judge somthing, that I would conclude that you have no understanding at all, on the basis of nothing.
I'm proud of where I come from, so i'm not from some top 10 school, like some rafflesian or NYGH, I for one thought you knew that.
Maybe it just that you never knew or that I never told you how proud I am to receive an IJ education. so we have certain ways we do things, maybe you wouldn't understand why we do it but yeah, just leave it at that. don't be judgemental about it, just like how I never criticised or said it was just stupid and a waste of time for chinese high to have given you all chinese cultural classes, and taught you guys malay instead of doing what most schools do, which is having DNT and home econs. after all you know what, I thought maybe home econs would be more practical and useful to you all instead of learning chinese culture.
Having those masses or rather short services during events such as during important stuff like the student leaders invest is so that we would be able to blessed and with the his help and guidance it aid us in our term of leadership. so you may say, so what if you pray to God, if all one had to do was to pray to god to be a good leader then we'd all be good leaders. It's not some catholic stuff thing and I'll just, say to me it's not a waste of time, even man needs to help of God.
why did you come back to cjc...you said it was because of me...are you still questioning, after all if you perceive all this stuff as a waste of time, well then I would say then quite a sum of your time is going to be so wasted. Then maybe you should have gone to aj...I would miss you a whole lot of course, but if it makes you feel any better at least your time won't be wasted and you can spend your time doing, what you perceive as, "less time wasting" things.
i admit IJ is not perfect, there are certain ways of doing things that are inefficient, but this is something you had no right in criticising and I would say that it was damn insenstive of you. I spent 10 years in IJ, I'm sentinetal about it, attached to it. Just like you are with chinese high...
maybe I'm overeacting, maybe I'll look back on this someday and think that i was being too defensive, but THIS is how I feel now...
I just never thought you'd say something like that. never.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Well hello there,we are at mid-week right now.
Today was just wei...I mean my baby was having his canoeing heats today, so he wasn't in school. The canoeists were all at MacRitchie. Even during assembly, sean wasn't the...so today felt a little weird.
Today's lessons seemed to be a little pointless, it seemed to drag on and on with no point whatsoever to fill up the void. Chine...what can I say; it's just never been serious. Although I felt that I should at least try not to sleep given that chen laoshi thinks well of me...I mean he just wouldn’t have given those 10 marks away for nothing and I didn’t want him, to think that he had misjudged me and that he’d given away those 10 marks FOC to an undeserving student.
Then came chem lect…it was just so hard to absorb and nod to yourself and say 'yes I understand'. I mean you sorta get it, but you just haven't fully grasped it, but you get the understanding behind it. However that just isn't enough to pull you through to promos. I don't even know what to do; at least I think I’ve done everything I could think of to score. Or maybe I'm just going about it the wrong way or something.
GP…went through the mid year compre for awhile. It's the only thing I can say I'm proud of this mid-year, I would say I tried very hard for this and I actually reaped what I sow...but there's always room for improvement. Not that I didn't try for the other subjects.
Break and then there was chem...going through mid year again. I dunno how I managed to screw up the only thing in town that I can actually confidently say I am capable of doing, no questions asked. Somehow everything wasn't quite on the spot, even if I did do quite a number of questions for my part.
Physics. I fell asleep again...I just have no fate with you…somehow I’m just no good at it, no matter how many questions I do. I just can't see the way through the forest. I always need someone (in this case, my baby…)to hold my hand and walk me through it, and then there's the point that someone can't always be there to hold your hand and walk you through it. I just can't figure it out...why can't I do it and it frustrates me helluva lot. I can do the easy questions and that's it...a lot of use that's going to be to me in the A levels.
Project work. I am just about clueless now about the written report as anyone else. I don't know what to put inside it, and I just don't get what that step-by-step paper is trying to say to me. It's just oh-so confusing and I'm at a lost, not forgetting the chem. project too.
Met lisa and we made our way to MacRitchie to see the guys. Didn't want to miss their race and I wanted to surprise my baby that I came to see him. He was just so upset last night that I didn’t wanna come. A pity it didn't work...oh well. Their event was quite late, but nevertheless it came…they didn’t come in top 3, but they finished the race and I'm proud of the 2 of them that at least they didn't give up halfway seeing more than half of the canoeists were in front of them. Talked to my baby for a while, then he was going to play LAN with the guys so I left for papa's office.
Baby came to see me later cos not enough people to go play...hmmmm...I miss his company so much, what with all the time he spent on training. Haha...I love the time we spend together, we can just sit in silence and be comfortable with everything. Baby left at 6 and now I’m still here. He's not coming to school again tomorrow, still got a couple of events for the others. Racial harmony day, dear lord please help me through til 4...

do you miss as much as I do...

Saturday, July 16, 2005

it's saturday...
and I'm at home...
baby's training as usual...
as predicted, mummy's not gonna allow me to go out and study...this is getting harder than I thought...there's no way I'm going to tell her...it's just too unfair for my baby.
as in...I forsee that if anything were to happen to me...like in this case the incorrigible state of my grades or whatnot...he'd just get the blame for it all. That's just not the way I want things to be...
yesterday was just a long day...although it was until 3, not my longest or shortest day, but it just felt terribly looooooong. especially during prac when we just stayed in class....it just seemed so draggy and boring...haha.
rushed down to meet my baby...but he left for training already, so back upstairs I went to the studio and there we just learnt the whole national day dance, did it a few times and then left.
headed to papa's office and baby surprised me there...haha...he's getting better at it, surprising me I mean...he didn't do too well the last time, cos I had a feeling something was going to happen, so the effect wasn't as good...haha...I was happy of course. Don't get to see him much with his long hours of class and trainings for competition.

I really appreciate it baby...

she will be loved

Thursday, July 14, 2005

like this is my 253rd post...
the stupid counter was just all crappe up...
anyway, nothing important. Been getting back all my papers...needless to say there was a great amount of disappointment and irony in it too...there's nothing else to be said about it...I mean, maybe I thought wrong and that actually, I know nothing since January. I screwed myself mostly...I mean the chinese compo was just plain stupidity, luckily I did well for the other parts and I for one, although it was underhandedand bitchy and distasteful of me to say this, but i thank my chinese teacher for helping me pull up my grade. I have NO idea or plan as to what I'm gonna do...I'm stilll in shock off all of this. GP was a real pick-me-up...I thought it was a rather good job on my part, hopefully I'll be able to keep that in time to come.
It's been a rough week...mummy's not happy...I may be under house arreest for the next few months until promos....i really don't know what to do. As it is I only see my baby during 2 breaks, which is like 1 hour, plus 2 physics lects...another 2 hours and other than that it's just the bus rides home on mon, tues and thurs. We don't get to spend time alone together and just sit in silence together, just enjoying each othere's...I like that. I guess I need someone to kinda give me emotional support and help me with my work and if you take that away from me...I feel handicapped.
The day was just tiring...had SDP in the morning, racial harmony... then PE the National Day dance thingie, it can be improved too slow for me, but that's me...break without my babyand then physics...haha...mr wee didn't show, as to why I have no idea, but it was a good relaxing 1 hour...then math lect, I was about to fall asleep in this one, just too tired...chem lect, this one I actually dozed off, I woke up a little clueless, so I need to review...GP was alright, got my mids back as I said above and then finished the 'maria full of grace' film and then went for another break...had a tendency to munch, didn't bring my wallet down though, so i was like pinching from people...haha. Math, it was alroight too...just did differentiation, the marist guys were just playing a number game with miss ang. Went off to the benches at the quadrangle and did a little work there. lisa and sean came later...then my baby...original plan was to go play bball but then it looked like it was going to rain, so decided to head home instead. Baby dropped off to take 67 while I continued to talk to sheryl...haha, long time no talk man, I miss you...got home. talked to baby for a while, then went to bath and now i am stting here munching on oreos stuffed with chcolate cream and peanut butter...if you ask me, it's a funky concoction. Yeah...and now I got teeth stained with oreo crumbs, and I don't even like oreos...that's how desperate I am to munch.
will have to do the stupid EoM soon, 1st draft due tomorrow...PW is like taking over my freaking life...it's a damn heavy load...and you're supposed to do all the heavy stuff this year so next year there'll be less to do...BS, they just pile on more things, making equivalent to this year...oh well.

I never knew I could miss someone so much
I never knew anyone could mean so much to me
I never knew I could feel so much for someone
I never knew I'd meet you in this life
I love you baby

Friday, July 08, 2005

TGIF....
omg...it's finally here...
I just wanna sleep and sleep and sleep...
but I can't...stupid bodyclock...
anyway somehow morning assemblies have become so bloody long...what with all the prize
presentations, countless announcements and whatnot...it just get's damn annoying just standing there and looking at someone above eyelevel.
anyway...had a small shot of chem and then break...went down for break...somehow I feel hungry easily recently. went back up for chinese...for some reason it's very slack...there seems to be no sense of urgency or seriousness in the lesson just sit and do an exercise for a whole lesson...it just feels so weird. the laoshi just gave us a webbie and we just went there doing crosswords on chengyu.
then was physics lect =) finally got to spend time with my baby after not having spent anytime together at all besides the smsing and the little morning meetings...I miss him so much. he walked me up to gp lect and then met sean there and we talked a while before going in to watch a film...maria full of grace...our little theme on crime and punishment. then had another break...I swear...in JC $5 runs out damn fast I'm like almost through $5 already...I dunno what to do.
Had one hour of math...functions...I almost fell asleep in that...the weather just sucks...hot, humid and the fans just blow warm air at you and you just feel so much better...after that stayed in class for pract...miss koh went through equilibria tuitorial...dum di dum...nothing much to elaborate...onthat.
baby came with sean to pick me up and he walked me out and I caught 151 to papa's office. walked in all alone...and then took a little power nap, read the papers and did some functions. stopped doing functions cause I just got tired of all of the graphs and trying to figure out what they look like.
ate some biscuits...daddy came back feeling a little frustrated...and then he left. baby smsed me at 6 to say he had finished...so I called him and we talked a while then he said he had to go...so I said okay. somehow I had a funny gut feeling that he was going to do something...he didn't call back after a while...I got a little more suspicious...was standing at the door of my papa's office and then a thought suddenly came to me that maybe he was making his way to my papa's office to see me. nothing happened for a while so I dismissed the thought and when I walked to the door again...I saw my baby coming. haha...so I was right, or at least my gut feeling was right. My poor baby walked all the way in to see me after training...all sweating even though he had a bath...haha...but I thought it was sweet...haha...he said that since I didn't see him so much because he was training for canoing nationals, he'd come see me since he ended a little earlier. =) I feel happy....haha...i didn't think that he was actually going to do something
like that, thought he'd just go home and call me and stuff...but anyway...I feel so happy. my baby is so sweet...haha...I feel so lucky, so fortunate...

i never knew I could miss someone so much

'the heart has reasons that reason cannot know'
-blaise pascal

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

it's all over...
like finally...
just eating dinner and typing away...
soon to be talking on the phone and typing...just wanna hear my baby's voice...
miss him so much...
well. woke up...headed to school and did some last minute mugging...
then the paper....
I was jumping and jumping ALL OVER the place...like....every question after the first page, I was only doing half of every question. I was panicking, freaking out and all that stuff...I just couldn't wait for 11 so I can throw the freaking answers back at the teachers. I just left damn quickly...didn't feel like seeing anyone or talking to anyone...my baby caught up with me and then we went for lunch. then he disappeared because of temasek sem...talked to frankie...then'manda and then went for the dumb NE quiz.
after that waited for 'manda's mummy to bring my sleeping bag...then went to baby's home watched desperate housewives and AI....although we got a little bored. I dunno, it's not that it's not a good show, it's just that it moves very slowly...but I think the content is not bad. anyway... after that went to spend sopme quality time together...haha...
went home on 67 and then bathed, dungeon keeper and I burnt fish being too absorbed in the game and it almost happened to the veggies...I think I'm going to be questioned about the switch of plates and the lack of sauce on the fish. oh well, that's what happens when the game is running out of money, and you are in urgent need of some for the game to run. oh well

Sunday, July 03, 2005

sunday sunday sunday.....
and tomorrow's a holiday...
they call it youth day, so then you wonder is it only THAT day that people actually feel youthful? who decided that tomorrow would be yuth day? who agreed that tomorrow should be youth day? I mean did the person wake up and then suddenly felt oh so youthful or somthing or did a WHOLE country suddenly wake up and feel youthful and so thought they'd feel exactly the same way cenuries from now? anyway....wth...it's a holiday, food enough for me...why question so much.
yesterday was such a good day...if only all days were like it..haha. got up and then did had bf....did some stuff around the house and then changed to leave to go meet my baby boy on 77., which I missed....baby boy had to walk back down...I was pissed at myself. I mean he already got a biyt frustrated when I didn't understand his msgs and I missed the bus...so he was a little peeved....but it passed. got on the next 77 and to marina we went. walked to the esplanade library and then got to studying. I like that library...it's like heaven....music scores...cds to listen to...all the stuff about dance....omg...it's paradise...not forgetting tthe lovely view, haha...baby was watching the dragonboat race.
later went down to meet sean and lisa to have lunch...went to this restaurant called fin...never really heard of it till now, apparently had some good offer for the main course meals. Also got 2 glasses of soda water....thought it was like perrier, all that sparkling water...turns out, it's just carbonated water and some syrup added in. baby and I had passionfruit...sean and lisa had peach...i think. it was good...had the seafood bucatinni, but the pasta was too little, but I like the mussels, they were good. haha...went back to the library to study again. baby got me the 3 lord of the rings cds...haha...I asked him earlier, but then I couldn't find it...and then I thought he forgot about it, but then he actually disappeared for awhile and went to find it...haha...I love my baby.
continued studying....plus the view. saw a couple of the commandoes parachuting and all the ndp preparations...left to go to the rooftop terrace...did some talking, it was fun...haha...walked sean and lisa to get home. then ben and I went walking into adidas and nike and then we realised that there weren't any buses...cos the roads were closed, so we walked to city hall....A LONG walk...but we saw a couple of the army vehicles...tanks and stuff...damn cool. got to the bus stop...baby went off in a 700A and then I took 77 and home I went...bath...dinner...and then I crashed.
woke up....had fruit and nut loaf for bf...the gardenia one if you are wondering. Got dressed and then to church....came home had dumpling for lunch. Played dungeon keeper until mummy came back and then started on math trigo approx and then math and more math...then went to fold clothes. went to nap...or tried to...then guin came home to wake me up to go out to weed the garden. man my feet hurt...ironed clothes...went to bath...had dinner. remembered that i still have MI to do...oh well...dum di dum...and now i am here.

I miss my baby...

Friday, July 01, 2005

well...almost all the papers are done.....
long weekend in between, so I decided to come blog...
so far....actually looking back on everything...everything was pretty okay, with the exception of physics. although for chem spa and the paper, and the physics spa...I could have done a lot better.
It'e been helluva stressful week and a terrible, one more paper to go...I just NEED to make it good. I know I can do it....
I can always do math...it's the one thing besides can that I am confident I ACTUALLY know how to do. I love math...I love chem....I just need to embrace physics...NEED being the word.
Anyway...after physics bussed to CCK with my baby boy and then watched 'lost' together, after that watched my baby boy play tiberian sun....okay...so I was the bored girlfriend, not really...at least I play the game....I guess bored would mean 'not-getting-attention' bored, after that spent some time together. started not to feel well....had a slight headache which seemed to escalate....reaulting in my bad mood and frustrating him. I just wasn't responding and i guess he felt helpless as he just wanted to do something to help me but I myslef didn't know what he could do.
Finally decided to go to bukit panjang plaza to study...got to macs and baby bought a meal to share...started on math there. I dunno, somehow macs seems to have had interesting sights recently....the last one being the girl in my last post. this time however it was two girls, sitting across the room....together...doing their work...sitting the most wrong way, and from where they were sitting...they gave the world a view they should have only kept for themselves to see. would you want me to elaborate...I guess you would be smart and would be able to infer for yourselves. Then there was the case of the plump lady and her mean friend (at least I think she's a friend of the plum lady, after all they were talking in a rather cordial fashion), the plump lady apparently had a pair of ripped pants...and after chatting to each other and they turned around (the plump lady at the front) and I distinctly saw her eyes travel to the area where the hole was, and somehow her eyes just darted away from that. She (meaning the friend) ahd another chance to tell her abou the hole but she just waved and said bye-bye to the plump lady.
oh well... left to go to the pet store...the dward hamsters ssoooooooooooooooooo cute...haha...the mice too...soooooooo small...sooooooooooooo cute...you'll probably never ever hear me or have never heard me say a so with that many 'o's but thery were so cute...all sleeping and stuff. took 970 home...read papers...bathed...dungeon keeper, I have finally conquered the realm, mwahahahah....anyway...dinner and now I'm here.