Gen is demoralised by the endless circling of present tensed words in her lab report.... =.=...I shall never EVER for get again.

Like just make a remark somewhere and to write in past tense.

Is it me...or does school depress me? I seem to be especially emo when I go to school...maybe I'm just not cut out for it...

How does something that is supposedly so beautiful turn so sour?
Is it possible for someone to be that comfortable that no matter how hard reality smacks you in the face you just refuse to answer? Why would you not want to answer it if it concerns your livelihood?

Is there a plan in all of this? We are not meant to comprehend your ways, but is this not a little too much? It may seem like I am rushing you and I don't mean to, but it's all falling apart right now. A part of me just feels that this is not the way to go, but the more I think about it the other half of me just seems to be to singing a louder song. I want to cry, but I guess crying does not solve anything anyway.

What else is there to do? What else do I need to do?

Honestly, I tried so hard to keep it together, so hard that I've given up cos you both are just so unresponsive. Sometimes I find the things you both argue over just plain absurd. The things you pick on are so mundane that I find that you just make your own life so miserable paying attention to it all. One just absorbs all the negativity, while the other just dishes it all out; then again I suppose the one who absorbs has no right to complain about anything. I get shuffled here and there, tell him this, tell her that, why the hell don't you both just do it yourself since my input is just useless to you both anyways. As long as there are feuding parties, the messenger always gets shot at, which is why I'm so sick of helping. I cannot as so much be bothered now.

I just have something to get off my chest, bear with me if you have read up to here. If you have no idea who or what I am talking about I suppose that's pretty much what I want, I just want to get it all out somewhere.

It worries you how it affects her? What about me? I personally feel that I've been overlooked so much, so many times. Call it an inferiority complex if you will. You think all this crap that has been happening has been affecting her so much, what about me? I was the one who talked, I was the one trying to get the both of you to sort it out, I was the one who tried to mediate, I was the FUCKING MESSENGER!! But no, "can't you see, she wants to keep us together", I just wanted to stand up and walk out. WHAT THE HELL WAS I DOING THEN!! Well, I suppose she was SERIOUSLY affected they just did not show it. Do I have to commit some suicidal act in order for you to notice?? Or maybe appear super dysfunctional?

You just take me for granted.

a good 4 days...eat, sleep dive; eat , sleep dive; eat, sleep dive....open water plus advanced water...truly the best holiday of my life

We all don't really know what we want do we?

When we're busy we wish we didn't have anything or less to do and when we don't have anything to do...we wish we had things to occupy our lives with. How can so few things take up so much time? So few the number doesn't go pass counting with one hand. (1) UROPs (2) Dance (3)QT. It's so simple...yet one I think about 24/7 the other the weekends the last hardly has space at all...

I don't have to right to complain, given that I chose it...but is there something I'm not doing right? It just doesn't feel right. Everything is just so spur of the moment. I slot it in the schedule then I cancel it because something comes up...things like just purely drive me crazy. Resulting in any social activities being put on hold until the last moment which I can only confirm it.

I hate this way of doing things, but it seems like it can't be helped for some reason. It's like an allergy or something I have towards, unrest, chaos, disorganistion and anything else related in my life. I can't even stand quarreling in my own family, I just switch off and become extremely irritable. Just reading what I wrote seems like a recipe for disaster cos life is supposedly full of all this kind of crap and so I'm not supposed to complain but just take it all in.

$124 dollars that I fell in love with at vivocity aldo...pity I had to let it go.. =(

Just go away...sometimes I wish you never existed. I wish you would LEAVE ME ALONE!!!

Can't believe what I just typed? Well, right now I just feel this way. You say you miss me...well you know what, I'm quite sure it's pretty much a very one-sided feeling.

I've said time and time again, wait for June...but no...you ask and ask...and I say yes. After a while I have to cancel, cos you know that this definitely takes priority. Do you like being disappointed? I don't like going out with my mind racing and worrying about something else somewhere when I'm spending time with you. Don't you get it?

Upset doesn't quite cover it, neither does pissed off. Maybe frustrated and pent up is what I feel, I just want to go somewhere and scream or shout it all out...ALL OF IT!!!

please please just go away...

I wish I had the time....

Please stop making me feel this way...

Watched centre stage II few days ago...rather disappointing actually, compared to the first, so I suppose that's why I've never heard of it.

The acting isn't great...painfully awkward, esp between the male and female lead. You can't blame them though, they're dancers not actors. Although some people say to be dancer, you gotta learn to act. The dancers from the first installment, did a rather painless and great job at that. Not much dancing, but it seems to have moved from classical ballet to contemporary though, sorta like step up to step up II.

I love this clip between the 2 leads. I like the way it progresses with the groove and all, most of it actually looks impromptu with somebody initiating something for each part....just try to ignore the painful dialogue...lol. Watching it makes you kinda wanna get up and groove to this with someone.

All that aside, I'm going to make an extremely shallow comment now...the guy is hot!! Kenny Wormald, he works as a back-up dancer for people like Justin Timberlake and apparently is touring with the PCD and dating one of them. okay...crawling out of my shallowness...enjoy.

Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone.
I'll be waiting; all there's left to do is run.
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story - baby just say 'Yes.'

I behave like an idiot when I don't know what's going on...doesn't everybody?

You've got to tell me who to go to to ask for what...I can't just randomly ask anyone in the lab; unless that's the way you want me to go. I'm not a slacker so when I feel this way, it makes me hate me...why would anyone do that? You can't put me in a house with 20 people, with no directions and tell me I've to find this and that.I don't know who out of the 20 people to ask...unless you'd like me to ask them one by one.

What do you call this feeling? It's beyond frustration...

and so we are 4 :)

with many more to come

My fingers are not as they used to be....
less nimble, out of practice...years of practice...

My brain cannot seem to manage it like it used to...too many things....

When I try so hard to bring myself to back then...I come to loathe myself for it's inability...

I drown myself in pieces I used to play to comfort myself, but I know I'm not really going anywhere. Just plain old muscle memory.

If there's anything I would really regret in life...it would be giving it up and not fighting hard enough for it...and if possible blaming my circumstances.

I need someone honest...

a friend who'll listen to what I have to say and let me know if it's just me or if it's just INSANE!!!

Cos right now...my head has this sign in red neon lights that says

INSANE!!!

P.S.: it rolls in and out

I am what I am...female

And we all pretty much want the same things...

Maybe I try too hard to act indifferent, for I cannot bring myself to demand or expect such things...for I myself cannot give.

Dear Valentine, come away with me. If I had a day with you and you only, I would enjoy the simple things. The things that bring joy to the drudgery and the mundane, the things that, in the end, when time steals the rest away, are the only things we'll remember. I would paddle you across a still lake in a rowboat and read poetry to you until you fell asleep, and I would never ever think about the hours.

Dear Valentine, if I had one day with you and you only, I would admire every line of your face, every strand of your hair, every graceful movement of your hands or your eyes or your body. If I had one perfect day. Don't you see, my heart beats only for you?

Dear Valentine, these are the things I remember, my love... A warm hand, your warm breath, your warm mouth, your arms around mine. I remember feeling safe, ceaseless, like one person, the two of us, still, at rest, entwined. I remember how I felt the first time I kissed you. It felt like... the high dive. What do you remember? How will I ever know what was inside your heart? Where do they go, all the things we think and feel but don't say?

Dear Valentine, these are the things I never told you, these are the things I need you to know... that I loved you always, and my love was so big, it lives still after you're gone. I'd like to tell you that I would do it differently, that if I had one more day I would do everything right. But I know that not to be true. I'd make all the same mistakes. That is, except one... I wouldn't say good-bye.

Happy Valentine's Day...

Being a member of this place is like working in a department store.

"the customer is always right"

you work, but you have no voice.

Perhaps it would be better not to have any.

Sometimes I can't wait to quit...but I don't know how long I would last without it.

London blanketed in snow....

Britain's capital has ground to a halt after an overnight snowstorm, the worst in 18 years, blanketed the city. Heavy snow across large parts of the UK has disrupted travel and closed hundreds of schools.

I foresee my future there in a years time...

a time spent in a room with like 5 RADIATORS!!! okay...that's an exaggeration...but a person like me not for cold...ut's hard to imagine....aaaah!!!

CNY wasn't as exciting as this year...maybe it was the lack of fireworks...

Drove back in on Saturday...and arrived late so upon arrival it was mostly just going to sleep.

CNY Eve - Next morning we woke up and had 'tuan yuan fan' in the afternoon as my cousins wouldn't be in that night. We then went out shopping, since I still had some stuff left to shop for from Christmas...only managed to get a belt for myself and baby...still lacking my denim shorts though. Everything started closing early so we decided to head back home. Once hoe it was dinner time, but somehow we didn't have any...I didn't really get it. But I was like sneaking tid bits here and there for my blackhole of a stomach. So we all stayed up to 'shou ye', basically a little tradition for staying up so your parents would have a long life later in. Was rather boring since I didn't bring back my laptop and my parents and aunts were watching some stuff I didn't understand, so I spent most of it lying on the sofa staring at the ceiling trying not to fall asleep for about an hour. Until the point I remembered that my dad brought his laptop down too. if you're wondering about the internet...well it's a 56kbps dial-up...so it's not exactly very calming to use in this day and age.

CNY day 1 - Started the drive down to Sepang to visit my dad's side. As usual when we reached there, there weren't many people. Just 2 of my aunts making ngoh hiang, so we just hung around and played with my uncle's ipod touch listening to his music. People started streaming in and we started the usual get together lunch stuff. As people were done eating more people were still coming in, so it was like waves of people streaming in and the flurry of 'gong xi fa cai' and 'gong he fat choi' going around. Made a trip back to my grandma's house to rest and recharge.

Went back again for dinner and the usual stuff happened again. This time there were more people so black jack started and went till late, after which we played with fireworks. Fireworks is somewhat the only perk we come all the way back for...but this time it was rather pathetic. One of my relatives bought these sticks that looked like sparklers, which looked rather evil, but once lighted that all changed. It was just a bunch of 'anticlimax' sticks. It would make the usual 'teeeeeeeeeeeeeew' firecracker sound, which would stop abruptly and spurts of fire would shoot out. It was like 'yay!!'....'oh- _-.........'

CNY day 2 - Went back to the house again for bf and chatting. My mum was like comparing stories with my aunt about their maids. We then drove off to meet up my aunt's and cousins on my mum's side at a restaurant for lunch again. The only thing I remember from it was the 'buddha jumps over the wall' dish. I have this THING for soups.

After which the long drive back to Singapore begins. Everything was fine...until we decided to take the 2nd link....malaysia was good....singapore was just horrendous...I don't even think horrendous sums it up. The queue was so backed up you don't even see the checkpoint. If you remember before the checkpoint there's like a hill the car has to climb before you actually see the checkpoint? We were way beyond that. 4 lanes, 3 for cars 1 one for buses, became 5 lanes and for a moment every lane didn't move for like 5-10mins. people started coming out of their cars...people got out to smoke and all that until peope started the horn. In total we were there for 2 and half hours.

Got home at about 10, unpacked and then slept.

Luckily i didn't have school the next day.