It's pretty early right now...I should feed my fish soon..haha, and it looks like it's going to rain, again.
I can't believe school's starting next week...it just feels a little weird, like after slacking around...I now have to go to school. not just any school, but a varsity. A little nervous, anxious, scared i'll screw it up and it'll all just go down the drain...yeah.

Some bleak thoughts for an early morning.

Anyway, my driving is more or less completed, just need to do the test. Sadly, it's like in January...gives me time to perfect my driving, but why next year???I just need to plan everything properly so it doesn't clash with the test...

today passed quite fast...
I like vacuumed the ENTIRE house today...dunno what got into me today...I just thought today'll be housework day. I even ironed all of my clothes plus my mum's. So right now...because of the vacuuming I have an aching lower back.

I basically spent the whole day looking at dance clips on youtube...went to look for those from CJ. I saw some familiar ones...and looked at those I performed in as well...plus the most recent SYF. The most recent SYF was so nice...I especially love the music. Dunno where I can get a proper video...and know what the name of the song used is.

I suppose I still have somewhat of a strong attachment to dance. I'm still in the dilemma of archery vs dance...thing is...I know that if i joined archery, I would always wish I had joined dance. Maybe it isn't really about how good I am?

Anyway, I'm supposed to go out for a run...but with my back...maybe not...plus my hair's still wet from bathing...it'll have to be done tomorrow I guess.



SYF 2007...CJC took Gold...the song is beautiful, not forgetting the choreography...ryan is an absolute genius. The quality isn't really good (uou have been warned) but it's the only one I could find. Hope I can find someone who has it on like dvd or smthg.



arts week 2006...this was the last dance I did in JC if I'm not wrong...

weee...I'm actually really sleepy...
hitched a ride with mummy to Jurong East MRT...dropped my cheque off to deposit and then headed for my driving lesson

it went pretty well....did parallel and perpendicular parking too...I think I'm rather okay, it's just the changing down of gear, u-turns, and basically that little tiny bit of road I always turn out from when I first start every lesson that I'm not so good. After lesson I am now at baby's house!!!

haha...havethe final theory test later today, but at 4.30pm...so just I'm just passing the time here and later I'll head off to take the test....hopefully all goes well and I pass.

wellI should study now...so ciao!

I just realised I haven't blogged for like almost 2 weeks...haha...
it sorta just slipped my mind, or it is possible that i may have just gotten a little lazy to blog...

anyway, this week's been pretty hectic...I have like something on almost everyday....probably due to the fact that I'm having driving 3 times a week...so right now I'll just recap the whole week...can't remember what happened last week...so it's just gonna be this week. Today, I'll be going onto the circuit so...I hope all goes well. Cos I always seem to mess up out of the blue...and when I do...I really mess up.

Well...Monday I had a driving lesson in the morning after which trained down to PS to meet Jolene, Valerie and Shuyan, we had lunch at some sushi bar...I forgot what the name of the place is...but it was my first time actually eating at a place which had those conveyor belt thingies...you know the ones where you pick the food off? yeah...so, we four caught up with each other; Jolene's now in NTU after UNSWasia collapsed, she'll be studying some form of engineering (can't remember which) ...Shuyan's going to NUS...Industrial engineering I think...and Val and I are in NUS prob studying Life Science...haha. Val kept saying how bleak both our futures seem after hearing some people comment about having no job or smthg like that after graduation. After lunch, where I spent waaaay too much, haha...we met up with Cherie at the Cathay to catch the Harry Potter movie. It was pretty good probably because it actually contained much more than the last one, Goblet of Fire. Then again, I don't really remember much from the book...so I didn't really know what was going on most of the time, but some were familiar...like Dolores Umbridge. I swear, how could someone like her have so many clothes in so many shades of pink, even her office was pink. She even had this forced smile on her face which was perpetually always there. After that, rushed all the way home for Guin's Student Council Ceremony... somehow we were told that it was formal, but the invite said smart casual, so needless to say we were very overdressed. Met some teachers there and had dinner there before heading home.

Tuesday...was spent with the Guides....they had some new funky way to fall in...it's supposedly the proper way to do it. anyway, they were absolutely clueless as to the proper technique of tying. I mean how can you tie anything just holding tension?!?!?!? UNACCEPTABLE!! There were people pulling away from themselves when they should be pulling towards themselves 0_0 Some had to re-tie their square lashes 3 times and they still couldn't get it tight. When you watch them tie it...you know it's gonna be loose, cos there just doesn't seem to be any pulling involved. So now they know they have to pull and hold tension. The quads opened beautifully...it was done well...didn't remember checking the knots though, but it was stable. Then came diagonal lash...okay...there was a tiny mix-up as to how the PLs saw me do it...so they taught it wrongly...but it was rectified fast. Some got it, others are still clueless...but I hope it all goes well and the practice it. After that, bussed home and then mummy took guin and I to get the new Airwave...woohoo...you can like watch DVDs, VCDs, and watch TV in the car (I haven't figure this out) and it has a GPS system. Way cool...it just doesn't have a clock in the car. We left the dealer, put more petrol in the car and home we went.

Wednesday...woke up early and hitched a ride with mummy to get to Jurong East MRT to go for driving...my parallel and perpendicular parking are not bad...it's just I can only do it with poles...hehe. My driving is not bad...I just dislike U-turns...and when I mess up, I really mess up a lot. Like do I use half-clutch or the accelerator...personally, I'd probably prefer to drive a manual car...cos I like the half-clutch thing, it's kind of scary to use the accelerator for everything...like in the auto cars. But then again, manual really becomes a chore in traffic jams and there's also the possibility of the engine stalling. After that, I came home...bummed around for a while, took a nap and then went out for my run. I haven't been running for a while because these few days I've been over sleeping when I take naps...so when I wake up it's too late to go out for a run. It kind of sucks...cos I only managed to run 25mins and I didn't even make it back home. I walked back. Took a bath and then headed out again with the parents and guin to see my cousins and aunts from the UK. It was good to see them and chat and stuff...I miss the English accent...haha. We had dinner there and then uncle Wayne and uncle Michael headed out to watch Transformers...Natalie and Sarah had grown so much since we saw them...which was so long ago and so did Anabelle, I last saw her at uncle Wayne's wedding. Sarah brought her Violin along, she played 2 pieces with auntie Jo as accompaniment...it was really nice...haha...it sorta made me miss playing the piano. We adjourned to the other house (they have 2 side by side) and continued talking there...after a while more we headed home.

Yesterday...was the QET...well the first part was easily done...the essay part, my brain was in absolute mess. I had so much stuff running in my head, I didn't know what it was. I couldn't settle my brain down...so I just forced myself to write. After that, met up with my sis and Joseph, chatted for a while while they did some stuff for archery. Then cabbed home with Joseph and just lazed around and here's where the interesting parts of the day end.

today was good...
the weather was so good...it was raining when I got up...
Changed, and went out to see baby...
we were supposed to take tumble out for a walk...but it was drizzling, so baby and I ate some breakfast and sat around reading the newspaper, while baby used the comp.

after a while the drizzle stopped and we took tumble down...as usual it was a good walk...she was so cute just walking around. We even managed to make her walk across a balance beam, when she was so afraid at first...then when she gets tired she'll just plop on the ground and not move until you tug at the leash. We attempted to make her walk up till the 7th floor...but she just wouldn't move at the 2nd floor...she just sat there and refused to move. So we just carried her and took the lift up.

After the walk...we wiped her down and let her run around for a while until lunch time. Baby's mum cooked curry chicken...but I ate the potatoes and tofu most of the time. After that...I helped baby to tidy his room. It's a lot cleaner and neater now I must say, after going through all the dust and rubbish that had to be thrown out. Once all the stuff was cleared, just lazed around for a while until it was time to go.

It was a pleasantly spent day =)

Live like you mean it.
Love 'til you feel it.
Its all that we need in our lives.
So stand on the edge with me.
Hold back your fear and see.
Nothing is real 'til its gone.

the week has been passing by slowly....
but at last tomorrow will be the weekend...so I'll be seeing baby after almost 2 weeks =)

A lot of things happened which made me start thinking...and this made me kind of scared...maybe fearful sounds better.

Fearful of me.

I suppose I'll just be straightforward here...cos I just need somewhere to put my thoughts down and sort it all out. I've been described as selfish...unappreciative...disrespectful...someone who goes for all the new stuff and leaves the old for others...having no affection for others...and having no regard for authority. I think the detail about who said it isn't important...I just have to sort out the adjectives.

I really have no idea how far this is true...and i suppose a self-assessment just wouldn't seem a very reliable thing for me. However, if it were all true...the person I have become is truly frightening...at least I personally think so.

I may have had selfish thoughts now and then...frankly who hasn't? When have you not wanted to get something before someone else? As to how often I've acted on this thought...I really cannot recall...and as much as I'd like to believe that it is seldom, there must be a reason why I've been described in such a way. Which leads me to believe that it isn't seldom.

As for unappreciative and disrespectful...I can't say enough how much I object to it. But then again..maybe you the dear reader may be able to recall a time...but I'll just take note of it I guess...

Having no affection...I would say 50-50...I don't know if this is the right way to explain my actions, or why it's 50-50 but here it goes. For one...my home isn't very well known for it's hugs or kisses among members...not even from young. At least I don't really remember any big significance of it as compared to the amount of scolding and stuff we get during study time...haha. So it just seems weird...or I just don't know how to react to certain things. Things like someone being sick, someone hurting themselves (eg. knocking into smthg) etc. I supposed it maybe simple...just ask 'are you okay?' but for some reason...there's a a point I have to think about it first. Perhaps...because I haven't really received it first hand, or even if I have...it doesn't really compose of a lot of affection too...but then again, it might be just a biasness on my part. Nobody really asks much about each other...like how I disappeared for a 4 days 3 night camp and when I came back...I was just back...nobody really asked what happened or asked what did you do...stuff like that. Maybe you think blaming my upbringing is pretty cheap and just some lame excuse, but I just can't explain it otherwise. My inability to react and have no clue what to do.

No regard for authority...well...how should I talk about this? Well, my school record is clean...well, I bend rules but I have yet to break any...other than that, I can't really think of any other way to explain this or talk about it.

This isn't some outpouring of teenage angst...nor is it a ploy to obtain pity from anyone out there...this is just a place for me to sort out what's been going in my head. Perhaps...get a clearer picture of what has happened to myself.

Came back from camp on Monday...
it was a really good 4 days I must say...so I think I shall bore you with the details

=)

Day 1:
not much activity here, just met Valerie at clementi mrt and had brunch at macs there. Then we took 175 and dropped off without knowing where we were. We were supposed to meet at west coast park...behind macs. So we were in the bus and then we saw a macs on the other side of the raod...so we all got off...however the bus stop didn't say 'opp west coast park'. There were what seemed like other campers on the bus (I suppose the ultra big bag gave it away) ...and we walked toward the macs...luckily it was right.

so we registered and got this m1 goodie bag and Val and I just stoned....

like some time later... got divided into groups and then played some ice-breakers. So happens there were 4 guys and 4 girls....and we were called Teresa Goh...named after this famous Singaporean paraolympic swimmer. After that, it was station games to earn points and stuff. There was like capture the flag...where we just had to run and get flags of different colours which represent different amounts of points after we doing something like star jumps, push-ups...etc. It was just mad...I mean as the game progressed the white flag(worth the most points) moved all the way towards the other end of the field....while we were at the other. After that we played life-sized risk, then ultimate frisbee. After all the station games we had to do this secret pal thing where girls and paired with a guy and vice versa. For the next few days and you write postcards yo each other and stuff and get to know each other. We then bussed to KAP and then went on the choo choo track.
The choo choo track...is just this abandoned railway...it's covered all over in vegetation and there's still a super old railway traffic light standing. It was interesting....given that this thing has like been under there for so long and we take a bus pass the place so many times and have never known what lies at the bottom. There's one area under the tunnel which is absolutely muddy...muddy meaning like you'll sink in and could loose a shoe or sandal kind of muddy...luckily there's a pool of water after that to wash all the crap off. The end was at sunset way...basically we reached this part of the railway which runs over a bridge so we walked over it and looked at the night sky. Apparently, the sunset's supposed to be really nice or smthg.
After that we had dinner at the void deck of the flats there, played some games and then bussed back to NUS to shower and head back to west coast park to camp.

day 2:
Headed to Kallang basin for kayaking, but first we played a few rounds of volleyball, which my group won. While waiting we were trying ways to get more money from the councillors...we were like throwing people into the sea for "300 dollars" haha....Then we went for our kayaking session, where we basically played canoe polo...it was fun...not having done it for a while....as in the canoing part. There was a competition among the 4 teams and we tied for 1st and second placing...after that was the rafting competition. Just that the raft's ready-made and all we just ahve to do is row it out with a guy swimming at the back to get a flag out at sea.
After that we had lunch and headed over to the army market to help replenish some sandal casualties...sat around hawker centre and rested up and then continued on to east coast park.
At east coast park we played combat skirmish, basically paintball without the paintballs. It was absolutely cool...the guns they have are amazing and one of them has a sniper mode where you can hear the shell drop after you shoot...you have 8 lives after which you'll have to go back to base and respawn...haha. After all the groups had their turns, it was 12 of us campers against 8 of them. Basically, they killed all of us and we killed 2 of them...haha.
After combat skirmish, it was outdoor cooking. We had staples of maggi mee, eggs, tempura fish, oranges and apples. We had to use our "money" to bid for the other stuff...so we got chicken, canned peaches, nuggets, sotong balls. This part the guys were really good, they were like experimenting and gordon was going on about 'golden brown', 'crunchy on the outside, soft on the inside'...Tianwei, took out the flesh of an orange and poured orange juice , and egg and some tempura pieces inside the skin and then wrapped it with foil and put it on the bunsen burner to cook...not in a mess tin..directly on it. so it was smoking pretty badly and the bottom of the orange came out all black but it tasted really good. Gordon was caramelising an apple...putting an apple wrapped in foil over the open flame...going by trial and error to get the perfect taste....he tried 2 mins, 3 mins and then finally settled on 2 and a half mins...and omg...it tasted like the apples from the apple crumble in swensens. We even made sweet sauce...we poured the syrup and remaining orange juice into a mess tin and boiled to get a sweet sauce...haha...we even marinated the chicken with the maggi mee seasoning and the taste was out of this world. The cooking was just damn fun....
After that we went for makan cycling...the only thing I will remember forever is how badly my ass hurt from sitting on the bicycle for so long...if you're wondering how long....try around 6 hours. We cycled from east coast, to bedok and from bedok to sengkang I think...and from there to changi. There's this stretch of road outside the changi airbase and SAF terminal which never ends and you just can't see the end...so you just cycle and cycle toward the end without knowing where the hell it is. Every hump and strip we went over on the roads just made our asses cry out in agony...we finally reached back tp east coast at 2.30am and bathed and then went to sleep.

day 3:
The morning was just a cityrace like those checkpoint stuff again...we did 3 out of the 5 cos we decided to sit at ABC market and plan our skit for the campfire that night. We headed over to camp christine for our campfire...where we just sang campfire songs and played games. The Miss OAC wins hands down...haha...we dressed Feodor like a girl. He had 2 balloons for boobs and 2 unequal balloons for an ass...he was like prancing around...posing in all those miss universe poses and all that...super creepy...but he did win....although that depends on your perspective whether it's a good thing or not.
After that we got to meet our secret pal...but we had to find him or her through friendship song...I started with mine in the circle and then went one round before we realised we were each others secret pals. We walked out of camp christine in a group of six and took a bus back to CCK park.
The group decided to go for supper so we went to the hawker centre and ate before coming back to sleep

day 4:
we did stuff with our SP today...we headed to arena country club and then played some really weird game. I had to tie up my hands and legs with his and we had to bit a rose together to get across to the other side, peel the petals off with our mouths, and then exchange the rose for a straw and head back without biting the straw.
After that the guy had to take the girl blindfolded to burst balloons...after that game we went to learn diving =) This was really good...I personally enjoyed it...haha. When we were done we went down to the science centre for lunch. Feodor and I were like running around playing with all the stuff around, 'reliving childhood' he called it. There's this new water park thingie by PUB...and it looked so fun. There were like man-made vortexes and stuff and you can like get wet there, pity it's only for paying people...haha. Then there was the prize presentation, after that the group then decided to watch Transformers together...It was DAMN good...you just HAVE to watch it...I would watch it again...seriously...haha...

well that's the 4 days of camp...I hope I bored you....haha...
It was a good 4 days with all the 11 of us =)