2015 is now gone and a new year begins.
It was a tough year. Looking back on it, I can't even understand how I got through it. As I stepped into what is now last year, I already had my work cut out for me. The initial plan for my fieldwork was not working out I had to take action and change things up. Adding to that, my pillar of support was in a place 7 hours ahead of me. The loneliness was, at times, insurmountable. Lucky thing was... I got an amazing intern with enthusiasm that motivated me.
Things got better as he came back in March. Plus, the new sampling regime was working out, it being a million times more manageable than the previous. I managed to find the time to trial another experiment, which eventually would have its flaws and need major changes. Lara left in June and I had really lost a great worker.
Sampling stopped in the middle of the year and I found it more relaxing moving on to more lab-based experiments. Days started early and ended late. Occasionally even working on the weekends. However, it seemed more manageable working alone and less stressful. But soon enough issues started occurring which really just paralysed me. After thinking that I had already exhausted my ideas and ideas contributed by others I came to realise that all that was needed was. to refine the idea that I originally had.
The qualifying exam soon loomed and I had to face my fears retaking the exam that I had failed 6 months ago. Should I fail, I would be out of a PhD and would probably have some serious debts to pay. I was less confident than I was before but more careful. I still worried about it but I had shift my mind and prepare for the next component which was my presentation.
I struggled, I think for the first time, on how to present my work. It was so difficult to present all of it well. I just did not know what was enough, until I decided to make some daring cuts. Thankfully, it pushed the presentation in the right direction and I eventually passed. Many people said it was good and a call to celebrate, but I wasn't convinced that it was good. Maybe just alright. One good thing for me was that I was also able to visualise my time line. The time line I had to make just because of this presentation. But me being me, didn't quite believe it.
I probably should celebrate after this significant milestone. But I dove back into work trying to grab every ounce of time I could to do something. I often feel guilty about resting for too long. I ploughed on and soon received the good news that I would be receiving new interns soon. I got to know them and trained them. There were mistakes made but I tried not to be too hung up on them. I made it a point to treat them how I would want to be treated if I made a mistake. Mistakes really bug me and make me feel down when I make them so I did not want them to feel that way too. I try to explain things and get them to understand what I'm doing. To try to feel some sense of purpose even though this is a short stint and probably something they would forget after a while.
I don't know how the new year will be. Probably gonna be tough if not tougher than this year. I just hope I don't disappoint and find the drive I need.