Thursday, October 30, 2008

Sleep hasn't had much of an affinity to me. I wonder why...but I seem to sleep better on nights that I'm not consciously stressed, although that's pretty relative. Sleeping more doesn't seem to help much and definitely not sleeping less...I'm pretty much at my wits end as to solving this issue.I do wonder if sleeping is considered a luxury, coming to university or at least NUS? Schooling never seemed to be this imbalanced since I came here....

on a side note...it's songs like this that make me feel happy cos I think about you :)
It's like catching lightening 
The chances of of finding, someone like you
It's one in a million
The chances of feeling the way we do
And with every step together
We just keep on getting better
So can I have this dance?
Can I have this dance?

Sunday, October 05, 2008

In that still and settled place
There's nobody but you
You're where I breathe me oxygen
You're where I see my view
And when the world feels full of noise
My heart knows what to do
It finds that still and settled
And dances there with you

-HAPPINESS by Edward Monkton

Thank you Erika and Ethel =)

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

It's all over, the concert's over and so's my birthday.

Concert was a blast. Can't help but think that all us Shaun's people bonded well through all the crap and stuff. At least we delivered the finished product well and people actually thought the item was good. The bitching we did at the side waiting to go on will be greatly missed especially all the remarks made by Teck Nam. Although I can't help thinking that it just happened in times of hardship and we'll just go back to being what we all were before the concert happened

My birthday was rather quiet. Celebrations were rather small. Thanks to all the people who smsed me and wished me Happy Birthday =). The day went as usual, headed to school...had my mid-term for LSM2101. It didn't turn out that bad, neither did it turn out good...but I sort of decided that there was no use getting upset over it? Had lunch and then went for the next 2 lectures. After which I headed to UCC and ben's mum and dad picked jie and me and we headed to west mall for dinner.

Dinner was good, even got a picture taken. Ben drove us back home and picked guin on the way. It kind of hit me when I came home and I was sitting in my room. This is what happens when you've got nothing to do, you think.

I realised the day was just empty. It wasn't that somebody was late...it just wasn't what I wanted, I think. I've come to the conclusion that I'm not good at keeping my emotions to myself as I well as I would like to. If I'm angry it shows and if I'm upset, I find it hard to hide it if my feelings are hurt or something. I like to think I'm a strong person, so I hate crying in front of people, ESPECIALLY in front of people I don't know. I keep a lot of stuff to myself and if I face any problems I pretty much keep it to myself and eventually it'll get solved.

It sounds pretty self-destructive, I know. I'm guessing owing to all the bottling up of emotions for many years is why I'm finding it hard to keep my emotions under control now. Sometimes I wish I never had any. If you've read this far, I don't know what you think I'm feeling now...perhaps frustration?

I'm getting into the clingy mood again. Telling your heart to 'shut the hell up' when it's crying out for companionship and to listen to a reason like 'studies come first' is the fucking hardest shit to do. I HATE it when I get into this phase. There's no point in talking about it, cos you can't do anything about it and it just makes everyone frustrated. Is it me? Cos I feel like I'm the only one who feels this way and I have no idea what to do about it. Sometimes I just wish I never met you, or just stay away from me, then I wouldn't be this messed up but then again I don't know what I want. I just wanna be busy as hell so at least I don't have a reason to think about what's not there.