Friday, December 28, 2012

Do you hear me?

You don't know what I need neither can you give me what I need. You say you can give me what I need just in a different form, but you don't seem to understand that that's not what I need.

It hurts that the one person that I want and need at these moments is so far away. I'm trying to carry this by myself, but I'm afraid that I might not be able to for long. Every single part of me wishes this relationship will never get close to that point, but the feeling gets stronger with each time. I am weak and I do not think that I can be strong enough for us to be where I wish/hope we will be one day.

Please hear my cries. Help me. I have nowhere to go,

Sunday, December 02, 2012

It makes me sad

Sometimes I just feel like I'm talking to the wall or rather I have been talking to the wall. Maybe I'm being a bit too unforgiving but I just don't understand why you don't get it. 

Times like this I just want to be alone and do the things by myself.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

How was your day?

Whoever knew that hormones could make your day so shitty? I'm tired, my back aches, I feel irritable, frustrated. Maybe I should go sleep soon before I can no longer keep it together.

Sunday, November 18, 2012

What will it take?

Disappointment never fails to come. You obviously do not know how many times I wish she was wrong about you. To be wrong about you brings a kind of hope.

What exactly is it? What are you trying to prove? What/Who will you listen to? Is it pride?

Why do you not care anymore? 

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Envy

The envy and discontent grows...who do I tell this to?

Maybe it's just THAT time? Maybe I'll feel a brand new person tomorrow.?

But, thing is, the thoughts are always the same.

Oh what do we do?

Friday, August 31, 2012

Jealousy and envy....

Ephesians 4: 29

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen (NIV)

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Not doing too well with 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 as of now. I need to be more mindful.

Things aside, sometimes people are just unforgiving and maybe I need to remind myself sometimes.



You probably think you're some big shot going all that way in. You sad little man (literally...) and your pointless rantings please, GET A LIFE! I wish when we move I sit in front of you and not beside or behind you.

Update: sadly, I still sit behind you.


Friday, January 13, 2012

Friday, January 06, 2012

broken

Broken, is how this family is and how I feel. A crack everyone tries to ignore but at the same time is is the cause of so much unhappiness in each and everyone of us. Yet we don't know this.

I understand, but you don't seem to.

you hurt me so much, but you'll never know.

because you don't understand.

I feel unfairly treated, why? Because it's obvious. You say you know, but I guess you have "a thousand and one things to do", I understand.

I understand, I understand, I UNDERSTAND! Do you understand me? Do you even try, do you even bother? No one even bothers to listen to me or hear me out.

I help, I help, I HELP! DOES ANYONE HELP ME?

You withdraw into your shell and go into defensive mode (i.e. I can earn money, very independent blah blah). That's all you'll ever see in me, because that's what you tell everybody. To you it's embarrassing to say your daughter is good.


I always try to understand, but you don't seem to.

you hurt me so much, but you'll never know.

because you don't understand.

I am done, I don't have anything more.

Wednesday, January 04, 2012

ROAR!

I just have to put this down somewhere.

OMG no money, no money, no money...IS THAT ALL YOU THINK ABOUT!!

It never fails to come up, "I want more money", "why do the 'ang mohs' get so much money?", "why keep bringing in 'ang mohs'?" and hearing this all over again just irritates the hell out of me.

Firstly, for some of us, it's our first job. How much the hell were you expecting? Stop looking at other people and seeing what their earning. There is so much more to it than the money. Sure, it downright sucks that other people are earning more than me but personally, I would not become a teacher for $200 more and get stuck there (no offense...). So someone's got $4000 but he's got a first class and works for the government, two things that explain, what seems to you, an exorbitant amount. If you're that hard up go join them, just take your crap elsewhere.

On to the 'ang mohs', why do they get so much money?  An obvious thing would be that some of them are PhD holders, thus they get more. Secondly, they came from another country and if the company needs them so much you gotta give them an incentive to come here right? Hence, the expat package. Why do their wives/gfs/husbands/family relations get to work here? Well if they ask for it when they come here, it's probably something the company decides they want to do for them to bring them here and some of them get paid quite a bit because they're PhD holders too. Why keep bringing in expats? Well, I don't think many people in the Singapore would want to work in this industry.

I don't have anything to say about issues that obviously discriminate us local people but I do think that sometimes we don't really think about the stuff we complain about and it's just noise that no one but yourself needs to hear about. IF you think elsewhere treats you better, GO THERE, but I'm willing to bet there's something you're going be unhappy with. If you're like this here, I don't see how different you'll be over there.

This is not aimed at anyone in particular, it's just somethings that I've been thinking about as I hear people. You might not agree, but I'm willing to hear anything constructive. Especially if something I've said seems shallow.