gong xi fa cai
hongbao kuai na lai
hongbao hongbao kuai na lai

it's the eve of cny and hence I am back here in malaysia AGAIN!!
anyway school yesterday was olright...
i mean it was a normal day of lesson...
the cny concert went quite well....our first run for the J2s was bad...at least i felt it was bad. like I didn't really put anything in it. The second round for the J1s was a lot better, maybe because ryan was there? After that went back to the studio, changed...got all the make-up off and then went for class. Met baby after school and then he went for canoing and I went home to do housework. I like cleaned the fans...ironed the clothes, hung out the wet clothes and folded the rest. I felt so tired after that. had dinner...did a bit of DC circuits and then talked to baby and then went to sleep.

today, woke up and bascially mummy was in an absolute frantic mood to finish up all her unfinished business for cny and then get back here(m'sia). obviously mummy got into a fould mood, cos my stupid sister (as usual) was taking her own sweet time to do this and do that. I basically just stayed out of her way and did a tonne of stuff for her. Ironed more clothes...washed more clothes...hung out more clothes....and whatnots. finally got into the car and finally started off the journey. Was talking to baby after we cleared the singapore checkpoint but then the reception got cut-off cos i don't have that auto-roam thingie. oh well....

got here at like 4+ and then cousins came downhad dinner and now i'm just sitting here...typing...dum di dum...tomorrow will be more travelling..this time to my nai-nai's house, where I should meet many many people I do not really know. I mean, my dad's side is soooo big half the time I have NO idea who the people who come up to me and say "so big already arh?" or "why still so skinny" are. I just call them auntie. I can only remember the significant ones...more like the ones who actually talk to me or have distinguishing features i remember.

Sometimes I think my nai-nai feels lonely...I mean someone living in a three-storey house...all alone...I would feel lonely. even thought she can still walk to my tuai ma's house..she'd still come home to a somewhat empty house. She only sees us like once a year. She only sees her son and 3 granddaughters once a year. I dunno...sometimes i just feel that way. Anyway..hopefully tomorrow I will get many many hongbao from my aunties, seeing as my father's side of the family is so big. Then monday will be home and then school starts like on wed. I still have many many things to do...studying I mean...but I just feel so tired...I just want to sleep and sleep and sleep.

I want a hug so bad....

I felt that today moved really slow...
haix...
I feel so tired and any amount of sleep just doesn't seem to help AT ALL!!!!
chem lect was where I started sleeping...I mean seriously there wasn nothing to even copy let alone listen to. EVERYTHING was in black and white...I mean I could just learn all this stuff at home...
then pe...this was fun, maybe cos during frisbee my team was just trashing everyone and the funny part was just paki falling on his ass...haha...he just does it so well...haha...
then the day just passed...
went to the dance studio after class and then slept there for a while and then practice started with all the cleaning...and yeah...everything was soon sorted out...now i just need my black shoes...
met baby and then he went home first and then i took a bus home...bathed, cooked and now I'm here. I still feel soi tired...I still need to eat and then do my work.........................

I just don't get it...you just have no idea where the line is. I mean you don't just take over....it's just plain rude...you just have to be in control, like some control freak. Then when someone just asks you to keep your comments to yourself you just interpret it as like some rude remark when you're the one who was in the wrong.
You're such a hypocrite. I mean you tell people it's like this it's like that, not like that and then when someone asks you to do it...you just suck yourself into your "shell" and act like some good humble person and you tell the world...I'm not good, I suck so bad.... well let me tell you...I just hate it...in fact I'll just say that I cannot stand it. If you think you're so good, and that you're right then why is it when you're asked to show it...you're such a coward...PUT YOUR MONEY WHERE YOUR MOUTH IS!!! come on....don't give all that bull...i'm not good enough...it just annoys people.
The way you totally disregard people and then only take into account those you think are "worthy" to give you advice...I don't know...it's like you think you're better than everyone and only certain people are fit to be around you. I mean how can you live like that????
I don't really have anything else to say...maybe it's just me...but somehow it's gone on for far too long and I don't kow if I'll regret saying/typing this one day but thank God I won't be around much longer.

dum di dum...
been lazy to blog the pass few days...haha...
anyway last week, FUNKAMANIA...omg...I swear I so wanna dance like that...I mean one day I wanna. I'm like a far way off...I catch stuff fast, it's just a matter of getting everything cleaned up and adding more energy...it's motivation...and I WILL get there. They're just unbelievable...I mean the way their bodies move looks damn easy, but when you try you realise it really isn't and there's a need of a tonne of control which I lack because I just DO NOT have any muscles to aid in any such control.

this week...
it's been pretty smooth sailing...my stamina for studying is still there...the motivation to clear-up all doubts and make sure I know everything I need to is still there...then there's the future where I MIGHT just let-up on all this stuff and land myself in the most unwanted predicament...so I need to be a super-nerd this year and still have like a tinsy-winsy bit of a social life. dance has been prepping for cny and I'm in the jazz group which is good, cos that's what i wanted and I have to admit I think my jazz is somewhat better than hip-hop and dance has cost me a couple of blue blacks on my knees...haix....
PE...monday was frisbee, I just like this game and thursday was like killer..I mean running and running which seriously made my thighs hurt so bad I had diffriculty going down the stairs...tried to stretch it out but to no avail so I'm just letting the pain wear off. I'm starting to feel the weight from school, it's starting to take a toll on my time and whatever I wanna do....haix...

yesterday...
went out to meet baby after his training and then we went walking to try to find my black shoes but then um...yeah we didn't get it cos we just came to a rather easy solution for the lack of nice cheap black shoes. then went to study...had dinner and then went to watch memoirs of a geisha...itwasn't bad...in fact I quite liked it, now all I have to do is just to read the book to complete the circle...haha...now I have to do my physics...

ciao!!!

Fall on me
Tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you
Forever in me
Ever the same

today was a rather good and enjoyable day...
haha...
had commencement ceremony in the morning to like officially start the year and stuff...
which ate into our chem lect, which is good, cos yeah....chem already has a lot to take in and I haven't quite got the hang of trying to get a permenant space for all the reactions and their conditions in my oh-so-small brain.
anyway lessons started like at 9am and it was physic lect...so i got to see baby...yumyum...haha...although i wasn't much for talking. after that break and then 2 hours of what was supposed to be pract, however it turned out to be a tutorial session. omg...it was the worst thing ever...okay maybe not cos I was actually trying to understand and all that stuff...but once my brain got so tired and loss the momentum...I got sleepy...but stuff still kinda got in. then it was math lect...baby again...haha...I get to see him in 2 out of my four lectures this year...haha...which is good...dum di dum...integration by substitution, you're probably like this---> 0.0 now but I guess...it's okay.
then CCA...dance was a good session today...we had like 88 juniors so we had to like split them into shifts...the auditions were good. saw some rather good dancers and of course that can't, those that have potential and those that were just a lot of fun to watch. there was this real skinny cat high guy, douglas, omg...he was like so cute...haha...his legs looked like they were going to break under his weight...haha...and his freeestyling was like those retro-shake-your-ass moves...was so cute. we had like many many guys...like 98% from SJI and christian came too..haha...I mean guys is good...we have like so little and they were pretty spontaneous on the freestyling...all the breakdancing and stuff came out...so it was really cool.
went to the grandstand to look for baby...talked to jo and omela for a while and then baby and I went home at 7....
bathed and now I am here...should be going to finish my homework NOW!!!

I'm so happy it's holiday...
I could get used to 4 days of school a week...haha...
anyway...it's been raining non-stop...i would think the weather is great if only I were actually at home to enjoy it and not in school freezing my butt off...
I just get cold real easy...
anyway...played frisbee for pe yesterday...boy it was fun...no, seriously...the ground was like cavingin under our feet cos of the rain and we were just running all over the place on it. For the first time, you hear guys complaining about their shoes getting dirty. junlonf was like skidding on the wet mud all over the place...cos it was just impossible to run...properly.
today...I'm just at home...
tackling unfinished business and who knows what I'll do later...
I'm still in holiday mood...not feeling like doing any work or anything that would require my brain to do some deep and referencing for that matter...
I just wanna cuddle up in my blanket and just sleep the whole day away or go out somewhere..I don't know where...but somewhere...dum di dum...

well, the week's been swell...
I mean I end at like 4 on tues and wednesday was just fun at CCA pasar...
all the dancers were super hyped...the orientation dance went real well, we danced once in the audi and once in the quadrangle...then it started to rain, drizzle...then we did like this year and last years mass dance in the in the middle of nowhere...however today was a damn waste of time....I mean there's like only 2 lessons today...2 hours...
pe was just height weight taking...I have suddenly become rather indifferent towards my height, i have just become accustomed to the fact that i am never going to grow anymore and that I'm rather comfortable where I am...not too short, not too tall. weight-wise...maybe not so indifferent, I like gained 500g...haha...and majority of the guys in my class wanted to be in like the 60s...I have no idea why though.
here's why it was a waste of time...we had like a 2 hour break to do nothing...there's was like a 1 hour free period and a 1 hour break as well, so I could have come home earlier at like 12.30 without the free period...instead of 1.30...
oh well...
school's been rather kind for now...integration is still manageable, organic chem is so going to be a killer for me...wtf. I just haven't gotten used to the different coloured uniforms walking around school...I know I've been there...but it just...yeah, never mind. ethel was in baby's group...she seemed quite happy and stuff, causing baby some chaos...haha...I heard a lot from him.
I've been worrying a lot this year(and it's only been 5 days...) my mind's like 9 months ahead or something and it's not exactly imagining the prettiest picture...omg...I'm a super worry wort....I just can't stop it. I'm such an asshole. -_-... I'm thinking about so many things...now if I had things to do I wouldn't be thinking about other things too much.
dum di dum.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
okay...i have no idea why i'm so excited...
i mean since my stomach is like feeling rather, or should it be extremely empty and the smell from downstairs is EXTREMELY distracting...yum yum.
anyway...i'm at home...yes...and I actually fgot up to go to church...
well, not without the usual multiple entries from various people singing the same song..."wake up!!!!" so yeah...we got to church. the wonder being that i didn't fall asleep, after all last night was a long night. Or maybe it was because of the man sitting next to me, cos he looked like a super 'god' person and I probably pictured him shaking his head in disapproval or being ratehr annoyed at the fact that I had fallen asleep in church. perhaps it was due to the fact that i was freaking cold, having worn a skirt. anyway...it ended and we went for lunch at warren. I had fish and chips and yeah...we ate...came home...lazed around...hung out the clothes and wrapped up the rest of the homework. (I seriously hope permutations is forgotten.....)

anyway now for the more exciting part...weeeee!!
YESTERDAY!!!
anyway I spent the first part of the day doing housework and stuff...ironing...blah blah blah...anyway I left the house later than planned and I was late. Actually I wouldn't have been as late as I was if it wasn't raining. It may have helped...cops I couldn't see where i was on the bus so I had to call in help, but i landed at marina and baby came to pick me up. haha...baby dressed up nice too...he had on this brown dress shirt and pants and the shoes he went to buy with his daddy in the morning...i liked the whole ensemble, made him look really good. Anyway, we went to look for sean and lisa, cos apparently sean got hungry....found them in coffee club and baby and I shared a mocha ice. then we went walk walking. the guys went to play a little arcade, i think i should learn to play some someday...i mean baby likes to play it so much and i'm usually quite unwiling cos i don't really like arcades...but i think there's no harm. then we walked somemore...walked into many mAnY MANY stores...to look at a lot of stuff we didn't buy. then we went to olio to have dinner.
dinner was really good. The food was rather filling, although sean would beg to differ. then we just sat and talked and gossiped a little (really!!!!). it was so much fun. talking about our secondary school days. lisa and baby talking about the elitist life and sean and I talking about our rather normal life in SJI and IJ...haha...the things we found out...omg...sean and I were so blown away. haha...all the little tactics they employ...omg...sean and i never knew the elitists had in them to cheat and stuff...even SLEEPING in class...haha...although baby does it quite often ( i mean the sleeping). Then it was more walking...a lot of walking...walking and talking...it was so nice to spend time like that. We like walked from suntec to city hall then to chijmes then to a lot of places. The roads were rather empty though...and if there were cars it was full of people who were absolutely high on the new year mood. Baby bought 2 bottles of beccardi for th 4 of us to share and lisa and I got absolutely red....haha...then the guys just stopped us from drinking. after walking somemore we parted ways and we left sean and lisa and baby and I walked to the bus stop and we both went home from there.
got home, bathed...drank some sparkling fruit juice...watched a bit of narnia (again...) then talked to baby and to sleep. =)

this year was in a way a rather fulfilling year. Filled with a whole lot of ups and downs, having experienced the peaks of both. perhaps it was baby that made all the difference. He's helped me so much...been my mental and physical support throughout the year.
I'll admit I never saw much in him except a worthy opponent in the academic arena...but somehow he managed to move me and life has been good to us. We've had our quarrels, disagreements, seen a lot more of each other, both good and bad, through the year that we've known each other. His care and concern for me has never wavered, with me always coming first before him especially when I'm sick. I will never forget the time i got angry at him for buying a towel for me to make a cold pack when I was running a fever and the time he rushed all the way to my classroom when I was having that humongous tiff with my mum, not forgetting that he stayed with me too. He also gives me a sense of reality, very frank, especially when I get frustrated about things...he just always seems to point out how silly I am to get angry cos it really isn't as complicated as I make it out to be. It ruffles my feathers a little, but in the end I always know that he's right. a lot of the people I know say how lucky I am to have found someone like him and I know I am.
The times we study together is another thing I treasure...he has somehow been able to make studying and As possible for me. He just breaks down walls of impossibilities and turns them around...he always seems to be able to make me see the 'light'...haha...
I suppose that in this relationship I've grown quite a bit, now that there are 2 of us and not just me. Although, I may feel that I still lag behind in this area...I seem to may have made progress...haha...and i will be able to match up to him someday on this. I have yet to reach his level where I make a conscious effort to think of him whenever i do things. I mean for him it just seems so automatic...so I feel a bit guilty about it.
He has made me see a new perspective of life and brought me to a new level of joy andmade me cry in a way that I have never experienced in the past 16 years of my life. so baby here's to you...
I hope we spend many birthdays, christmases, new years and whatever there is together. =) you make me feel whole...