circuit breaker month 2

Working from home has not been awesome. I've not been one who enjoys working from home and so there the possibility I may have set myself up for failure?

I am a structured and systematic person and so this disruption affects exactly that. As most people feel, having to work from home has blurred the boundaries of work and leisure/home. Disrupting the physical separation that has mentally helped me deal with the stress and 'bringing work home'. So with that small things like my desk not being right, the chair being too low, my specs not working out have really triggered me. Things at home that never bothered me now bother me a lot, like the sofa, unused table and my want for a sideboard. It's gotten so bad that I've shed quite some tears at night and made my husband feel inadequate. My sprained wrist has resulted in me depending on him to do the things I would otherwise do. When they're not done to that standard, I tend to gently point it out and I know he feels a tad bit upset by it, because there was a reason I did those chores in the first place (because he didn't like doing them).

With all this that had been happening, I just thought maybe making would help me sort things out. Relieve some of that tension, have some sense of accomplishment. Little did I know that would trigger something else. Some essential things like vanilla extract would be out of stock nationwide. No sodium bicarb, chocolate and the list goes on. All of it adding bit by bit to my small despair, until last night. I suddenly had a brainwave to substitute chocolate with milo powder and found maple syrup/instant coffee can substitute for vanilla extract. All of which I have at home... Not quite the things I wanted but can possibly work. So I decided to bake today.

As I started baking today, there were so many mental stops. Since I was baking and not exactly following the recipe (structured person that I am) I kept checking and checking can I do it this way, can I just put the same amount in, it asked for unsalted butter I have salted. I mean baking is a science after all. Then I was like "ugh! oh well here goes." and then just put everything in and baked it.

It smelled good, took waaay longer to bake but after cooling it didn't taste bad. Even then my brain was like "it would possibly taste better if I had followed the recipe". I gave some to people and they thought it was nice. I was like well I mean any recipe would probably be alright also. At least it wasn't half bad :).

Then as I was sitting down continuing to binge on friends this thought came to mind. I guess it's pretty much lesson on how everything is not perfect but still worked out. I jusy needed to get over it, get pass that worry and ride it out. With effort, of course.

Maybe I just need to remember this. 

Maybe make more too to remind myself. 

How much is too much?

We fight about a lot of things, or maybe it's just me?

Maybe I expected too much? Sometimes I think it's about my competitiveness where I just want to be having a better life than everyone else. Then in that case the joke's on me right ha. 

The problems are not unique, in fact very stereotypical. So would that mean my only choices are habituate or tolerate? I think for the most part of it I try but I mean, come on, some days it's just hard. Some days I can laugh it off, some days it's not a joke. Most of the time it's like a joke to you, no?

Maybe I'm just being overwhelmingly responsible. Like way too much and I just need to calm my tits. Am I? Do I? Is that it? Maybe I brought this on myself and I was just majorly stupid. Allowing this thing into my conscience. It was not my business and now it is. So what do I do now? What's the right thing to do?