it's teacher's day...well technically it's not THE day but anyway....
today was half-day, actually only 2 hours of school...

I was swamped with the major question of the day from all the IJ girls
"are you going back?"
I have actually thought of the question, but everytime I think of it somehow I did not feel the compulsion or the, not say passion, but the desire to go back.

What does teacher's day mean, to me it would be someone who has made a great impact on my life as a knowledge giver, someone who has taght me what it means to live life. For me, I have yet to come across a teacher, in profession terms, who has taught me this. Although the teacher or teachers, in profession terms, who have left great impressions on me were my teachers in my time in Ascension Kindergarten and my time in IJ primary. Maybe it was because they were at the vital stages of my life, which is why they are remembered most, maybe it is because they were the ones who set the foundation of the life I lead now.
Somehow through the years I have been in school I have lost the passion for teacher's day, I would not say it is due to, what the people in"high" places say, a 'lousy' education, ABSOULUTELY NOT!! Call me biased but I would not send my danghter (should I have one...) anywhere else but IJ. I would probably blame myself for it... after the age of 10 I lost the passion to study, school became something which I was indifferent to, it was like a struggle to live. To study was not spontaneous, it became a great compulsion. Constant ramblings like "work hard, and you will achieve great things and then you can reap the fruits of your labour. Lead a comfortable life." or "When you're at the top, you can be anything you want." did not drive me at all, to me it was just painful. To me, it was all about the quantity; it was what mattered to me. but somehow I managed to always reach the top of the population, perhaps by a fluke...EM1, Science stream, Triple science, only to end up at the bottom of the best. I did not know what I wanted, I did not know where to go, where my passion was at and what I'm actually good in. I was solely society-driven, and I bet you are too. Triple science was considered to best, EM1 was considered the best, NJC and HCI was considered the best. Till today I feel like I walk through life aimlessly, no personal aim. I cannot answer simple questions like "who, dead or alive, would you like to meet face-to-face" or "Who would you like to have breakfast with?" because frankly I have yet to come across a person who would instill such a desire i me to so as I would WANT to meet them. I feel I have walked down the wrong path and I've gone so far down it I cannot re-trace my steps anymore.

After school, the students went to find the teachers, the SJI boys went back to SJI, IJarians to IJ and the list goes on, everyone to their respective alma maters. Someone asked me "are you going back?" "no" "I don't know if I should go back....maybe i should just go after all so many people are going" How many out of the say, hundred who went back to IJ or anywhere else thought that? Are we just going back there because everyone else is, because it is tradition or custom to do so, out of duty-sake, because if it is, I would boldly say that they are a bunch of hypocrites. To think that they go under the cover of good intentions just to make themselves guilt-free is just revolting. I as a person would find it appalling. To me, if you do not have the heart, don't force it, you would just hate doing it time after time, just like a drug would make you feel.

The reason I gave as to why I wasn't going back was "I have nothing to go back for." which is true, for with every year I just worked towards the end of the year, or the holidays, never once taking a glance at the process. I just took what was given to me, with no desire to see who gave it, just do what was required of me. When I thought about it, it was rather sad, sad that I had nothing to go back for, when so many people did. I wondered why is it I did not manage to obtain or have this feeling, or rather why I lost it through my time in the education system. I kept thinking about it...friends tried to coax me into going but I somehow just did not want to. I felt that I had lost something.

Truth be told I'm not happy with my life, most parts of it at least. I don't know why I'm in a JC...I guess it's because it's considered to be the better part of the education system. I don't why I chose to study science...I guess it's because I want to do medicine...and I want to do medicine because it's lucrative and I want something that is lucrative probably influnced by my current situation and my great desire for luxury and to give my parents a good life as well. Maybe it was due to this that I have not been able to find depth that education holds for a person.

I love music, that is the one thing i know. Anything to do with music I love. I love to dance, I could say that it's something, or one of the only things in my life that I find joy in, as well as piano. That was taken from me or maybe I robbed it off of myself without knowing. I feel that a large majority of my life has become everything that I hoped it would not be, I don't know why, but I feel it has been unfulfilling. If I could go back, I would not know what to change, because basically I don't know what i want.

It is sad that a large majority of us would never get to enjoy life to the fullest, get to do what we truly love or have to passion for and a larger majority would never be able to find this passion or love they desperately look or seek for and somehow no matter how i hoped i would never become the majority, I feel that it is somehow happening.

Today we danced our asses off on orchard road...
after 4 weeks of training...we finally got to show our stuff..
haha...
kudos to all the people who came down to support us outside taka...
and of course as well as to all 11 of us.
The trainings were hard
and it took immense amounts of time for us to move and groove as one...
but it all paid of in the end.
haha...somehow performing is what makes dance worthwhile
I mean the joy, happiness ,ecstacy that one get's when performing is contagious...
it's what makes dancing so enjoyable...
although you get so drained...the adrenaline just kicks in and you just feel so excited...haha....
I dunno, it's a feeling I hope to keep with me through my life...
the vivacity is what I wish to keep with me in all the ups and downs of my life.
I mean the aches, pains and incessant pratices are like the obstacles in life and how you try and try agian and again to reach the top and be the best of the ability and believe in yourself.
and I want to be able to look at what I've done and say THAT'S ME...ALL ME.
oh well, the day was just phenomenal.

thank you baby for coming down to support me...maybe one fine day I WILL be your xu sao...haha...and I'd love and hope to be with you every step of the way till the end of time...

I'm so glad I found an angel
Someone who was there when all my hopes fell
I wanna fly, looking in your eyes

Because you live, there's a reason why
I carry on when I lose the fight
I want to give what you've given me
Always

My comp is finally back..and fully alive...muahahaha...
today was just sleep mode...so tired...
physics pract...mr wee talks too much sometimes...
chem test...I THINK it went well, the calculations killed me
break...spent time with my baby and sean and the incident...haha....that was amusing
chem lect...organic chem, too many things to remember
math...relaxing, nothing much to do....
GP...as usual mr hoi was fun, haha....let us off early too
went to the library to catch up on yesterdays and todays news..
then to dance...what can I say...it was good. cleaning up and polishing of steps and stuff...it was good, I mean you usual experience the adrenaline rush when you remember all the stuff, after that is just all about enjoying the whole thing...and of course making the steps just look so damn good haha....although sonia's part i still haven't caught on...but I will. haha...met my baby. baby went to TP interchange to top-up my ez_link for me and also brought along a whole packet of sweets for me, I thought it was sweet...no pun intended. then bussed home on 156. met my sis and yes, hence the presence of a lightbulb, but it's okay...haha...

baby: you don't need to do big things for me...but it's the small little things that make -up the big things
=)
baby loves you!! muakz!!

dance like no one's watching...

I'm still missing you
Like the storm misses the rain
Like a warm summers day
I'll be missing you always
I'm still breathing you
Like you're here in my arms
Like you're not even gone
Will I feel like this always?
Cause I'm still missing you...

It's a sunday and the weekend has flown by...
using my mum's comp cos my PC at home has gone into 'dead' mode....I mean like literally, it gives out this piercing 'beep' like a flat line in a hospital...
somehow the holidays are not enough...
somehow I have come to dread going to school, if not for my baby being there...
I was always rather indifferent towards going to school, as in I never hated it, never loved it...but now it's a totally different story.
even with the short week and stuff...I still feel so tired.
oh well, been preparing for tapestry, the busking thingamajig...being doubtful about my abilities in dancing. Seems to have been like that lately, doubting myself...especially since promos are coming...I have the fear there would be a replay of the mid-years and I'll be left behind. yeah...scared is how I've been feeling lately. I think I have yet to come to a point in life where I actually enjoy myself.

There is that inherent fear that you may be prevented from attaining the better things in life - those things that you consider essential to your well-being.

The only thing I am confident in, is GP. Ssomehow we connect and I've managed to get the hang of it and I'm happy to where I've got. haha...although I don't score As for it...at least I'm happy with the pieces of work i submit and proud of it too.

today, was just church....then to market, to market, I went with my mummy and then for lunch I had ban mian again..haha...somehow it always tastes so good.....haha. Promos are soon to be here...so I need to be gone to study...

hold me close to you
never let me go...

Saw this quiz on jea's blog and decided to take it...I would say it's 95% accurate, maybe a little more...haha.
if you wanna take it you can go HERE. I'll just post my results...


Enough is enough - you feel frustrated and rejected. You are fighting back and the going is tough. It would be just wonderful if you could be left in peace.

You enjoy taking part in anything that may constitute fun and excitement. You need to be stimulated and need to feel that 'Life is worth living' and you are awaiting that stimulation and you don't particularly care where it comes from!

Enough is enough - but the problems never seem to stop. They never stop. You feel, and maybe you are right, that the problems seem to go on and on and you have indeed had more than your fair share of trials and tribulations. But to give you credit - you bounce back time and time again - you stick to your beliefs because deep down you have that inner knowledge, that 'belief' system that in the end, everything will turn out OK - and you are right -it will!

As of late, you have been experiencing untold stress and this is a result of continuous frustration. You haven't been taking care of all your physical needs and it's beginning to show. It would seem that you have a need to find someone to whom you can really relate - someone perhaps whose standards are as high as your own. You want to be different - to be individualistic - to stand out from the common herd. Your inherent control of your sensual instincts is restricting your ability to give yourself to open up freely but this being on your own, being lonely, often makes you feel the need to give up some of your strict standards to surrender to the general flow - to be like everyone else; a part of the herd. Deep down you regard such instincts as weaknesses to be overcome. You would like to be loved or admired for yourself alone. You demand recognition and tender loving care.

There is that inherent fear that you may be prevented from attaining the better things in life - those things that you consider essential to your well-being. So you are prepared to try everything to prove to yourself that whatever you do or try will go wrong. This destructive attitude could come under the heading of 'a self fulfilling prophecy'. This belittling yourself is your method of disguising how hopeless and what a waste of time you feel that everything is. So now turn it about. As you 'think', so you are... So 'imagine' yourself successful. 'Pretend', 'act it out' and you may be pleasantly surprised at the outcome.

well....it's almost national day...
so I wish all Singaporeans a happy national day...
having lived here my entire life, I admit there are times that were unbearable...
times where I thought the grass is greener on the other side...
times when I just couldn't bear the way things are carried out and done in this place....
times when I just couldn't stand being associated with Singaporeans, what with all the attitude problems and horrendous english and what not...
you might as well be swearing and cursing me at your computer right now, I mean all this stuff wouldn't really affect me...I am Malaysian....
but then again, when you go across the causeway and you look around, you somehow start to appreciate what was on the other side. and when you watch the news, with people blowing up at different spots across the world, shooting each other and all that depressing stuff, one starts to look at this little island from a different point of view.
I guess I am lucky to be here.... =)

I feel I'm burning out...

it's friday...
TGIF...haha...
and I'm sitting here doing vocab, got so sick of flipping through the dictionary, so I decided to use the on-line one...see the wonders of technology. But then all this could lead to the extinction of books, because everything can be done on-line or at a computer with just a touch of a button, and maybe in the future we wouldn't even need ot to press a button. I for one think that books are timeless, there are very few things that can beat the enjoyment of just sitting in a quiet place with a good book...I mean imagine lugging that laptop, setting it down on the ground, open the laptop switch it on, wait for it to boot-up. wait. wait. wait. open the file or log-on to the internet and then sit yourself down and then start reading and scrolling. with a book all you have to do is sit down, open it and start reading. I'm thankful that my mother had instilled this reading habit, not many have adopted it and I really admire people who read widely, whatever the material. I hope i can do this for my children, if I ever have any.....haha...
I feel like eating ice-cream....
I'm so tired, I'm so happy I got all the projects out of the way, or at least the chem one and I no longer have to worry about the stupid PW for a while now.
anyway the day was slow moving....maybe it was because of the lack of sleep last night, but it did pass....ewnt for dance to learn the dance for the busking thingamajig. i caught on fast...so proud of myself. went home....bathed and started a little work and now I'm here.
going to eat dinner soon...
I wanna sleep...
I miss my baby...I wanna hug so bad...
oh well...there's still tomorrow...


us at the esplanade

it's wednesday....
yay!!!
just came back from dance...baby's still at training.
today was just today....nothing much...
3 hour block period for pw to complete the dreaded written report...which we didn't finish as much as I hoped we would. I dunno...maybe we shouldn't have taken such a long break or something, I for one that it was achievable to have it done by today. Anyway after that was gp mock....it was the most horrible piece of crap that I've ever written, I wouldn't be surprised if I fail or if I wrote out of point and I fail...it was just horrendous...I mean I couldn't think of anything to write and I was trying to breath through my nose, which was not very effective...cos it resulted in my mucus going down my bloody throat...which made me feel very uncomfortable and I had to clear my throat. I kept doing that like so many times....omg...it was the slowest moving ever piece of shit I wrote.
went for dance later...played games cos ryan was outta town and yeah...it was quite fun, a good productive seesion with, got to know more people and yeah....talked to more people, mixed around...so yeah...now I'm home...blogging...
I need to organise myself....what am I going to do about promos and tomorrow's math test and yeah....chem project, written report...omg...my brain is so damn swarmped...*whines*I need help...and I still sound like a duck...and as if a duick doesn't sound nasal enough I sound like a nasal duck...bleah!!!
I had the whole package for like 2,3 days....caught a cold at uncle wayne's wedding, actually it was pretty much imminent, but the coldness of the ballroom worsened my condition. It was absolutely terrible at least I felt absolutely terrible, and still having to drag myself to school too....haha...baby was so worried, he kept asking me to take my meds, lent me his jacket during lectures and stuff, and everytime I coughed he got so worried...and he came by my house after school to check on me, to see if I'm alright...I love my baby boy soooooooo much...haha. I just hope he didn't catch anything from me...

I love you so much baby...
thank you...

What day is it
And in what month
This clock never seemed so alive
I can't keep up and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time

Cause it's you and me and all of the people
Nothing to do, nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people and
I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you

All of the things that I want to say
Just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping on words, you got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here

Cause it's you and me and all of the people
With nothing to do, nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all of the people and
I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off you

Something about you now
I can't quite figure out
Everything YOU do is beautiful
Everything YOU do is right

Cause it's you and me and all of the people
With nothing to do, nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people and
I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of

You and me and all of the people
With nothing to do nothin to prove and
It's you and me and all of the people and
I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you

What day is it
And in what month
This clock never seemed so alive

You and Me Lifehouse

it's saturday...yup!
and I woke up with a sore throat....
I'm trying to do the written report thingamajig por pw...which is slowly taking over my whole life....
as if that's not enough, there's still the chem project thingie on that stupid fish dying...I mean what lind of moron would put his fish in lab water. Even if it went through the best filter, I wouldn't put my pet fish in that water.
I'm at papa's office today.
The whole week has been rough, just so tired easily, esp mentally...i need a break so badly and I probably won't get one till the end of september...3months to go.
My mind is constantly worried about something...which makes me feel so tired...
I wanna go home...got some dinner tonight, so gotta dress up and go for it...and tomorrow will be church once more plus lunch with erika, which i am very much looking forward to. =)

it's sunday....
and in a flash just like that the weekened shall be over...
I wanna sleeeeeeeep, although I've sleeping a lot and early the past few days.....
I just need to sit and not worry about too many things..it's like millions, billions and gazillions of stuff runnning through my head, and there's this idea that there's no time left or something.
anyhow, today was church at 10...talked to my baby in the morning...haha...to hear his voice in the morning is just so nice. dum di dum...chruch was fine...the usual stuff....it wasn't too cold. I mean didn't bring a jacket, so it would make complete sense to sit under the air-conditioning instead of in it's direction wher it would blow all that cold wind into you.
Then we went to pizza hut in auntie rosanna's car to use up our $40 voucher we won during bible quiz. Her car is so cool, it's like got this electronic screen thingie on her dashboard and there's like a main menu and stuff. It also shows you how the car is aligned and stuff when you park, so you can see if it's a perfect park or if you're just plain lousy and stuff. If you've see something like that, then please don't tell me you have and let me bask in this moment of fascination if you might. ordered a nice set meal or 6 with soup, 2 pizzas, 2 pitchers of drink one beef lasagne and pasta...twas a good meal...we sat there for like 2 or 3 hours and talked about JC and stuff...
then went home, hung up the clothes, bathed and now I am doing my AQ on crime and punishment and will have to go out soon....dum di dum...

I miss people...and person too....

I'm pissed...although pissed would be kind of strong to be used in this case...and yet upset just doesn't cut it. I didn't want to say this because I thought it would be rather pointless, and I didn't see it's worth in me continuing the little debate
I'm going to be blatant about this.
I'm quite disappointed at what was said, I mean I least expected you to be the one to say such things. If you don't know anything about something...just keep your opinions to yourself. Although that may be a bit harsh. fine, you can have your own opinions but I'd appreciate it if don't judge somthing, that I would conclude that you have no understanding at all, on the basis of nothing.
I'm proud of where I come from, so i'm not from some top 10 school, like some rafflesian or NYGH, I for one thought you knew that.
Maybe it just that you never knew or that I never told you how proud I am to receive an IJ education. so we have certain ways we do things, maybe you wouldn't understand why we do it but yeah, just leave it at that. don't be judgemental about it, just like how I never criticised or said it was just stupid and a waste of time for chinese high to have given you all chinese cultural classes, and taught you guys malay instead of doing what most schools do, which is having DNT and home econs. after all you know what, I thought maybe home econs would be more practical and useful to you all instead of learning chinese culture.
Having those masses or rather short services during events such as during important stuff like the student leaders invest is so that we would be able to blessed and with the his help and guidance it aid us in our term of leadership. so you may say, so what if you pray to God, if all one had to do was to pray to god to be a good leader then we'd all be good leaders. It's not some catholic stuff thing and I'll just, say to me it's not a waste of time, even man needs to help of God.
why did you come back to cjc...you said it was because of me...are you still questioning, after all if you perceive all this stuff as a waste of time, well then I would say then quite a sum of your time is going to be so wasted. Then maybe you should have gone to aj...I would miss you a whole lot of course, but if it makes you feel any better at least your time won't be wasted and you can spend your time doing, what you perceive as, "less time wasting" things.
i admit IJ is not perfect, there are certain ways of doing things that are inefficient, but this is something you had no right in criticising and I would say that it was damn insenstive of you. I spent 10 years in IJ, I'm sentinetal about it, attached to it. Just like you are with chinese high...
maybe I'm overeacting, maybe I'll look back on this someday and think that i was being too defensive, but THIS is how I feel now...
I just never thought you'd say something like that. never.

Well hello there,we are at mid-week right now.
Today was just wei...I mean my baby was having his canoeing heats today, so he wasn't in school. The canoeists were all at MacRitchie. Even during assembly, sean wasn't the...so today felt a little weird.
Today's lessons seemed to be a little pointless, it seemed to drag on and on with no point whatsoever to fill up the void. Chine...what can I say; it's just never been serious. Although I felt that I should at least try not to sleep given that chen laoshi thinks well of me...I mean he just wouldn’t have given those 10 marks away for nothing and I didn’t want him, to think that he had misjudged me and that he’d given away those 10 marks FOC to an undeserving student.
Then came chem lect…it was just so hard to absorb and nod to yourself and say 'yes I understand'. I mean you sorta get it, but you just haven't fully grasped it, but you get the understanding behind it. However that just isn't enough to pull you through to promos. I don't even know what to do; at least I think I’ve done everything I could think of to score. Or maybe I'm just going about it the wrong way or something.
GP…went through the mid year compre for awhile. It's the only thing I can say I'm proud of this mid-year, I would say I tried very hard for this and I actually reaped what I sow...but there's always room for improvement. Not that I didn't try for the other subjects.
Break and then there was chem...going through mid year again. I dunno how I managed to screw up the only thing in town that I can actually confidently say I am capable of doing, no questions asked. Somehow everything wasn't quite on the spot, even if I did do quite a number of questions for my part.
Physics. I fell asleep again...I just have no fate with you…somehow I’m just no good at it, no matter how many questions I do. I just can't see the way through the forest. I always need someone (in this case, my baby…)to hold my hand and walk me through it, and then there's the point that someone can't always be there to hold your hand and walk you through it. I just can't figure it out...why can't I do it and it frustrates me helluva lot. I can do the easy questions and that's it...a lot of use that's going to be to me in the A levels.
Project work. I am just about clueless now about the written report as anyone else. I don't know what to put inside it, and I just don't get what that step-by-step paper is trying to say to me. It's just oh-so confusing and I'm at a lost, not forgetting the chem. project too.
Met lisa and we made our way to MacRitchie to see the guys. Didn't want to miss their race and I wanted to surprise my baby that I came to see him. He was just so upset last night that I didn’t wanna come. A pity it didn't work...oh well. Their event was quite late, but nevertheless it came…they didn’t come in top 3, but they finished the race and I'm proud of the 2 of them that at least they didn't give up halfway seeing more than half of the canoeists were in front of them. Talked to my baby for a while, then he was going to play LAN with the guys so I left for papa's office.
Baby came to see me later cos not enough people to go play...hmmmm...I miss his company so much, what with all the time he spent on training. Haha...I love the time we spend together, we can just sit in silence and be comfortable with everything. Baby left at 6 and now I’m still here. He's not coming to school again tomorrow, still got a couple of events for the others. Racial harmony day, dear lord please help me through til 4...

do you miss as much as I do...

it's saturday...
and I'm at home...
baby's training as usual...
as predicted, mummy's not gonna allow me to go out and study...this is getting harder than I thought...there's no way I'm going to tell her...it's just too unfair for my baby.
as in...I forsee that if anything were to happen to me...like in this case the incorrigible state of my grades or whatnot...he'd just get the blame for it all. That's just not the way I want things to be...
yesterday was just a long day...although it was until 3, not my longest or shortest day, but it just felt terribly looooooong. especially during prac when we just stayed in class....it just seemed so draggy and boring...haha.
rushed down to meet my baby...but he left for training already, so back upstairs I went to the studio and there we just learnt the whole national day dance, did it a few times and then left.
headed to papa's office and baby surprised me there...haha...he's getting better at it, surprising me I mean...he didn't do too well the last time, cos I had a feeling something was going to happen, so the effect wasn't as good...haha...I was happy of course. Don't get to see him much with his long hours of class and trainings for competition.

I really appreciate it baby...

she will be loved

like this is my 253rd post...
the stupid counter was just all crappe up...
anyway, nothing important. Been getting back all my papers...needless to say there was a great amount of disappointment and irony in it too...there's nothing else to be said about it...I mean, maybe I thought wrong and that actually, I know nothing since January. I screwed myself mostly...I mean the chinese compo was just plain stupidity, luckily I did well for the other parts and I for one, although it was underhandedand bitchy and distasteful of me to say this, but i thank my chinese teacher for helping me pull up my grade. I have NO idea or plan as to what I'm gonna do...I'm stilll in shock off all of this. GP was a real pick-me-up...I thought it was a rather good job on my part, hopefully I'll be able to keep that in time to come.
It's been a rough week...mummy's not happy...I may be under house arreest for the next few months until promos....i really don't know what to do. As it is I only see my baby during 2 breaks, which is like 1 hour, plus 2 physics lects...another 2 hours and other than that it's just the bus rides home on mon, tues and thurs. We don't get to spend time alone together and just sit in silence together, just enjoying each othere's...I like that. I guess I need someone to kinda give me emotional support and help me with my work and if you take that away from me...I feel handicapped.
The day was just tiring...had SDP in the morning, racial harmony... then PE the National Day dance thingie, it can be improved too slow for me, but that's me...break without my babyand then physics...haha...mr wee didn't show, as to why I have no idea, but it was a good relaxing 1 hour...then math lect, I was about to fall asleep in this one, just too tired...chem lect, this one I actually dozed off, I woke up a little clueless, so I need to review...GP was alright, got my mids back as I said above and then finished the 'maria full of grace' film and then went for another break...had a tendency to munch, didn't bring my wallet down though, so i was like pinching from people...haha. Math, it was alroight too...just did differentiation, the marist guys were just playing a number game with miss ang. Went off to the benches at the quadrangle and did a little work there. lisa and sean came later...then my baby...original plan was to go play bball but then it looked like it was going to rain, so decided to head home instead. Baby dropped off to take 67 while I continued to talk to sheryl...haha, long time no talk man, I miss you...got home. talked to baby for a while, then went to bath and now i am stting here munching on oreos stuffed with chcolate cream and peanut butter...if you ask me, it's a funky concoction. Yeah...and now I got teeth stained with oreo crumbs, and I don't even like oreos...that's how desperate I am to munch.
will have to do the stupid EoM soon, 1st draft due tomorrow...PW is like taking over my freaking life...it's a damn heavy load...and you're supposed to do all the heavy stuff this year so next year there'll be less to do...BS, they just pile on more things, making equivalent to this year...oh well.

I never knew I could miss someone so much
I never knew anyone could mean so much to me
I never knew I could feel so much for someone
I never knew I'd meet you in this life
I love you baby

TGIF....
omg...it's finally here...
I just wanna sleep and sleep and sleep...
but I can't...stupid bodyclock...
anyway somehow morning assemblies have become so bloody long...what with all the prize
presentations, countless announcements and whatnot...it just get's damn annoying just standing there and looking at someone above eyelevel.
anyway...had a small shot of chem and then break...went down for break...somehow I feel hungry easily recently. went back up for chinese...for some reason it's very slack...there seems to be no sense of urgency or seriousness in the lesson just sit and do an exercise for a whole lesson...it just feels so weird. the laoshi just gave us a webbie and we just went there doing crosswords on chengyu.
then was physics lect =) finally got to spend time with my baby after not having spent anytime together at all besides the smsing and the little morning meetings...I miss him so much. he walked me up to gp lect and then met sean there and we talked a while before going in to watch a film...maria full of grace...our little theme on crime and punishment. then had another break...I swear...in JC $5 runs out damn fast I'm like almost through $5 already...I dunno what to do.
Had one hour of math...functions...I almost fell asleep in that...the weather just sucks...hot, humid and the fans just blow warm air at you and you just feel so much better...after that stayed in class for pract...miss koh went through equilibria tuitorial...dum di dum...nothing much to elaborate...onthat.
baby came with sean to pick me up and he walked me out and I caught 151 to papa's office. walked in all alone...and then took a little power nap, read the papers and did some functions. stopped doing functions cause I just got tired of all of the graphs and trying to figure out what they look like.
ate some biscuits...daddy came back feeling a little frustrated...and then he left. baby smsed me at 6 to say he had finished...so I called him and we talked a while then he said he had to go...so I said okay. somehow I had a funny gut feeling that he was going to do something...he didn't call back after a while...I got a little more suspicious...was standing at the door of my papa's office and then a thought suddenly came to me that maybe he was making his way to my papa's office to see me. nothing happened for a while so I dismissed the thought and when I walked to the door again...I saw my baby coming. haha...so I was right, or at least my gut feeling was right. My poor baby walked all the way in to see me after training...all sweating even though he had a bath...haha...but I thought it was sweet...haha...he said that since I didn't see him so much because he was training for canoing nationals, he'd come see me since he ended a little earlier. =) I feel happy....haha...i didn't think that he was actually going to do something
like that, thought he'd just go home and call me and stuff...but anyway...I feel so happy. my baby is so sweet...haha...I feel so lucky, so fortunate...

i never knew I could miss someone so much

'the heart has reasons that reason cannot know'
-blaise pascal

it's all over...
like finally...
just eating dinner and typing away...
soon to be talking on the phone and typing...just wanna hear my baby's voice...
miss him so much...
well. woke up...headed to school and did some last minute mugging...
then the paper....
I was jumping and jumping ALL OVER the place...like....every question after the first page, I was only doing half of every question. I was panicking, freaking out and all that stuff...I just couldn't wait for 11 so I can throw the freaking answers back at the teachers. I just left damn quickly...didn't feel like seeing anyone or talking to anyone...my baby caught up with me and then we went for lunch. then he disappeared because of temasek sem...talked to frankie...then'manda and then went for the dumb NE quiz.
after that waited for 'manda's mummy to bring my sleeping bag...then went to baby's home watched desperate housewives and AI....although we got a little bored. I dunno, it's not that it's not a good show, it's just that it moves very slowly...but I think the content is not bad. anyway... after that went to spend sopme quality time together...haha...
went home on 67 and then bathed, dungeon keeper and I burnt fish being too absorbed in the game and it almost happened to the veggies...I think I'm going to be questioned about the switch of plates and the lack of sauce on the fish. oh well, that's what happens when the game is running out of money, and you are in urgent need of some for the game to run. oh well

sunday sunday sunday.....
and tomorrow's a holiday...
they call it youth day, so then you wonder is it only THAT day that people actually feel youthful? who decided that tomorrow would be yuth day? who agreed that tomorrow should be youth day? I mean did the person wake up and then suddenly felt oh so youthful or somthing or did a WHOLE country suddenly wake up and feel youthful and so thought they'd feel exactly the same way cenuries from now? anyway....wth...it's a holiday, food enough for me...why question so much.
yesterday was such a good day...if only all days were like it..haha. got up and then did had bf....did some stuff around the house and then changed to leave to go meet my baby boy on 77., which I missed....baby boy had to walk back down...I was pissed at myself. I mean he already got a biyt frustrated when I didn't understand his msgs and I missed the bus...so he was a little peeved....but it passed. got on the next 77 and to marina we went. walked to the esplanade library and then got to studying. I like that library...it's like heaven....music scores...cds to listen to...all the stuff about dance....omg...it's paradise...not forgetting tthe lovely view, haha...baby was watching the dragonboat race.
later went down to meet sean and lisa to have lunch...went to this restaurant called fin...never really heard of it till now, apparently had some good offer for the main course meals. Also got 2 glasses of soda water....thought it was like perrier, all that sparkling water...turns out, it's just carbonated water and some syrup added in. baby and I had passionfruit...sean and lisa had peach...i think. it was good...had the seafood bucatinni, but the pasta was too little, but I like the mussels, they were good. haha...went back to the library to study again. baby got me the 3 lord of the rings cds...haha...I asked him earlier, but then I couldn't find it...and then I thought he forgot about it, but then he actually disappeared for awhile and went to find it...haha...I love my baby.
continued studying....plus the view. saw a couple of the commandoes parachuting and all the ndp preparations...left to go to the rooftop terrace...did some talking, it was fun...haha...walked sean and lisa to get home. then ben and I went walking into adidas and nike and then we realised that there weren't any buses...cos the roads were closed, so we walked to city hall....A LONG walk...but we saw a couple of the army vehicles...tanks and stuff...damn cool. got to the bus stop...baby went off in a 700A and then I took 77 and home I went...bath...dinner...and then I crashed.
woke up....had fruit and nut loaf for bf...the gardenia one if you are wondering. Got dressed and then to church....came home had dumpling for lunch. Played dungeon keeper until mummy came back and then started on math trigo approx and then math and more math...then went to fold clothes. went to nap...or tried to...then guin came home to wake me up to go out to weed the garden. man my feet hurt...ironed clothes...went to bath...had dinner. remembered that i still have MI to do...oh well...dum di dum...and now i am here.

I miss my baby...

well...almost all the papers are done.....
long weekend in between, so I decided to come blog...
so far....actually looking back on everything...everything was pretty okay, with the exception of physics. although for chem spa and the paper, and the physics spa...I could have done a lot better.
It'e been helluva stressful week and a terrible, one more paper to go...I just NEED to make it good. I know I can do it....
I can always do math...it's the one thing besides can that I am confident I ACTUALLY know how to do. I love math...I love chem....I just need to embrace physics...NEED being the word.
Anyway...after physics bussed to CCK with my baby boy and then watched 'lost' together, after that watched my baby boy play tiberian sun....okay...so I was the bored girlfriend, not really...at least I play the game....I guess bored would mean 'not-getting-attention' bored, after that spent some time together. started not to feel well....had a slight headache which seemed to escalate....reaulting in my bad mood and frustrating him. I just wasn't responding and i guess he felt helpless as he just wanted to do something to help me but I myslef didn't know what he could do.
Finally decided to go to bukit panjang plaza to study...got to macs and baby bought a meal to share...started on math there. I dunno, somehow macs seems to have had interesting sights recently....the last one being the girl in my last post. this time however it was two girls, sitting across the room....together...doing their work...sitting the most wrong way, and from where they were sitting...they gave the world a view they should have only kept for themselves to see. would you want me to elaborate...I guess you would be smart and would be able to infer for yourselves. Then there was the case of the plump lady and her mean friend (at least I think she's a friend of the plum lady, after all they were talking in a rather cordial fashion), the plump lady apparently had a pair of ripped pants...and after chatting to each other and they turned around (the plump lady at the front) and I distinctly saw her eyes travel to the area where the hole was, and somehow her eyes just darted away from that. She (meaning the friend) ahd another chance to tell her abou the hole but she just waved and said bye-bye to the plump lady.
oh well... left to go to the pet store...the dward hamsters ssoooooooooooooooooo cute...haha...the mice too...soooooooo small...sooooooooooooo cute...you'll probably never ever hear me or have never heard me say a so with that many 'o's but thery were so cute...all sleeping and stuff. took 970 home...read papers...bathed...dungeon keeper, I have finally conquered the realm, mwahahahah....anyway...dinner and now I'm here.

right....
so school starts today...and so do the mids...but gen shall re-cap something she was egging to do yesterday, BUT somehow forgot.

sunday
the usual morning routines, went to church and then headed to kap with my baby sis to meet my baby to study. so studied chinese...did the TYS there, although I have yet to see the effectiveness of that...since I don't have the answers to that. studied there...got a bit agitated here and there....couldn't settle down...restless. baby boy and I decided head down to cold storage to get a small tub of ice-cream to um...lets say...settle down.
apparently, after having picked up the tub of ice-cream andwalked around a bit to look at the oh so sinful things on the shelves...we realised we had a dilemma, we had no spoon to eat the ice-cream. we thought of getting them from macs....but then, it's not very good for tub ice-cream...breakable. so we thought let's just buy a small packet of spoons good enough for tub ice-cream. however they came in 20s and so on....hence we abandoned our search and back to macs we went to buy the sundae.
There was however a rather "pleasant" sight I will remember for sometime and I would say...she would be such a bad image for the female gender. she walked...no...more like half-hopping and swinging her little pouch...you know like those little girls, just lacking in the cute area... in her tight pink shirt and denim cheerleader-like skirt....from then she was already frightful. she came in with a few guys dressed in black. they sat down and she at down. omg...and I thought she couldn't be anymore horrifying. she was slouched so bad....I slouch, but at least I still look presentable. she just looked like a mess of the hunchback of notre dame in a young girls skin. She sat like her spine was working OT and when she sat down it was a like break for it in a million years, her chin was almost touching the freakin' table....exaggerating a little but...the vision was there. To think that since she was wearing such a bimbo skirt, which was also short...she'd sit with her legs together. NO she sat with one leg in Russia and the other in Canada. she sat like how those street punks...with her legs all over the place except together. it was just so UNGLAM....omg...and it was so painful for my eyes when she stood up once more to go downstairs to order. baby boy was so annoyed or maybe traumatised how a GIRL could sit like that....it's just so UNGLAM...unfortunately she just happened to be sitting in our line of sight. thankfully she would leave before us.

today
woke up at 7...morning formalities and then daddy sent me to the sixth ave centre bus stop and I bussed to CCK on 67...spent the morning with my baby and did a bit of chem.
left his house at 11 and had lunch in school and then the chem paper. mcq was pleasant...and then a question surprised me....ruffled my feathers a little. I ignored it...finished the paper, quite proud of the stuff I knew how to do...except for those which I recently found out were wrong. As for those I didn't know how to do...I almost cried there and then....I mean I studied...I did...why is it I can't do it. oh well...that passed, took the bus with my baby and dropped off at gourmet...bought a honey glazed chicked steak and shared. got home and then baby boy stayed for a while...and then I walked him to the bus stop for his parents to pick him up.
walked back...dropped into 7-11 for a while and then came home playted more dungeon keeper, bathed, cooked dinner, ate dinner and now I'm here. I so cannot get addicted to dungeon keeper...I SO CANNOT!!! I need to go on hiatus...like now.